Friday, June 12, 2009

No, that just isn't enough...

I'm fed up with having people who do not have children (and are of an age that indicates they never will) attempt to mediate child custody disputes. It just shouldn't be allowed. "He's their father," only counts for so much, and when the "father" in question can't keep up with required visitation, phone calls, and even the fucking conference appointment his own attorney scheduled at least two months ago, it seems pretty clear to me and most anyone else who's raised children that he's not being a responsible, dedicated parent and shouldn't be assumed to be one based solely on a DNA contribution.

Why the hell am I the only one who has to compromise? What reason (besides that non-reason, "He's the father") could possibly discount my experience, my research, my discussions with other parents and therapists? When does anyone say, "She's their mother," and give proper weight to the opinions and observations of the only parent of the two in this scenario who has been present for these kids without fail? Perhaps if these childless bitches had to interact with him for more than an hour or two, they'd see through the victimized father facade and realize he's a manipulative, controlling, selfish sub-human who shouldn't even be given the slightest opportunity to have influence over any child's rearing.

What kind of father misses an entire month without seeing his kids when he was court-ordered to have two visits that month and doesn't even have to pay for a plane ticket? Why would he not even acknowledge that he was missing these visits and only make two phone calls during that month when he is supposed to call at least weekly? Wouldn't a truly determined and dedicated father figure out how to set a weekly reminder to call his kids so as not to miss that contact and abide by the court order?

I'm just really sick of people brushing aside his numerous, continual fuck-ups and giving him chance after chance to cause turmoil in my children's lives (though I'd already given him countless chances years ago) when I'm not denying him visits, phone calls, or the right to a plan that will have the children visiting him at his home 2,000 miles away in a nearly completely unfamiliar place...just not right now, not when he hasn't spent a single visit alone with them or even participated in all of the non-alone visits he's had, not when he's consistently trying to control their behavior, their thoughts, their actions because of his wishes. I've always done the accommodating, and I'm tired of not getting any credit for ignoring my true motherly instinct, to keep him away from my kids as long as possible to minimize the damage he might inflict on their psychological well-being, and for trying to be fair to him because "he's their father." Yeah, childless people, I am aware of his biological relation to them; it doesn't count for shit when he doesn't bother to act like one. I'd already factored that tidbit into my consideration before proposing new plans, actually, but, um, thanks for that useless reminder.

The attempt to establish a long-distance parenting plan with IFKAMH was unsuccessful today, as I figured it would be since he simply cannot fathom any reason why I feel it is inappropriate to expect the kids to fly with him to Indiana at this point in their relationship. As far as he's concerned, he's doing everything he's supposed to do. Is it not obvious from that statement alone that he is living in a different version of reality from the rest of us? Why does no one question how he believes this when the facts don't support it? Why don't the people with some level of authority listen to my pleas to examine this whole thing more closely instead of telling me that what I'm asking for won't be granted? (How would you know this if you aren't even my trial judge?) Why won't it be ordered? Because he's their father? In that case, we seriously need to redefine father to include more criteria than just DNA-sharer as it seems is currently the only requirement. It takes more than that to be a child's father, and I'm not satisfied with this illogical reasoning of "he's their father" as if that should make me feel comfortable doing whatever he thinks is best when he can't be bothered to make more than a half-assed attempt at consistent involvement with the kids despite his repeatedly dragging me to mediation and court to have a defined scheduled to follow. Because, again, I shout, "I'M THEIR MOTHER!" Please, send me someone in a black robe who understands this when the time comes. I can't be responsible for the fury that may come if the next one has the audacity to call that degenerate ingrate my children's father as if that means he hangs his halo on the hat rack and tucks his angel wings under his shirt.

5 comments:

heather said...

'dear lord,
please give woo a judge with half a brain. one who truly understands the difference between father and sperm donor. failing that, please let the sperm donor in question be on board the next plane that falls out of the sky.
protect her sanity as she fights to protect the sanity of her boys.
in jesus's name i pray, amen'

erotictoys said...

amen to that... indeed...

Churlita said...

That sucks. My daughter just told her dad that she wasn't going to see him at all this Summer (even though he lives 3 blocks away) because he's an idiot. He was trying to take her babysitting money away from her. He doesn't have a job and thought it was her responsibility to give him her hard earned money.

Pamela said...

I'm so sorry. So incredibly frustrating, I can't even imagine.

Jonathan said...

I was going to write my two penneth, but then a little voice in my head said "this is one of those times when you're only supposed to be listening".

Sorry I haven't commented in ages... I've missed your excellent writing :)