Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Where I have a panic attack at four in the morning...

And, possibly, save my baby's life.

I awoke suddenly for no apparent reason. I found LMX stretched out, away from my body. His lips look blue. I muttered something about "oh, no" and quickly brought him into an upright position, saying his name and caressing his cheeks. He seemed limp.

I rushed to stand up, still calling to him, now also begging for him to wake up. He is breathing and warm; his lips are not blue... Still, he seemed limp and slow to respond. I patted and rubbed him on the back, drawing circles with my hand motions.

I managed to rouse him completely, at which point he seemed to thank me for this early opportunity to feed, and I indulged this thought of his. Of course, I can't go back to sleep now...I'm not sure if I can ever sleep again.

The whole panic-stricken scene took place in the span of five minutes, at most. Time may as well have ceased to pass, though, because right then, the moment was dreadfully infinite. Now, I'm not even sure what startled me into panic mode was even real. It could have been the sudden awakening, finding him in that stretched out position rather than the usual cuddle on my chest or by my side, combined with the dim and eerie glow from the television that had me seeing blue lips. And, I haven't tried to wake him from a middle-of-the-night sleeping spell since he was a couple weeks old, when the doctors are warning you not to let the baby sleep for too long between feedings (which I found to be utterly insane and stressful advice for us, which is why it stopped happening after the first couple weeks), so who knows if he was really all that limp or unresponsive. I'd be willing to bet I'm limp and unresponsive in the midst of a good sleep cycle, too. I'm sure a little subconscious guilt at having had a glass of wine with my dinner, in the middle of which I realized that I'd need to feed the baby at approximately the very second after I swallowed the last sip to wash down the last bite, might have played a role in all this hysteria, too, especially as I recall my extra careful check for his continued breathing when I went into the bedroom. I have my doubts now, now that I know he's perfectly fine and can replay everything back in my head and take note of things like his body being warm and the blue lips I thought I'd seen having disappeared within the seconds it took to bring him to my chest, but I doubt I'll have another glass of wine for a while, and the next time I'll be more aware of the timing. It's a bit of a shame since I have four bottles of great vino arriving on tomorrow's UPS truck, but there is nothing more important than mama and baby having a peaceful night of rest;>

11 comments:

Susan said...

Wow, woo, what a scary night!

NoRegrets said...

Tru dat!

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

susan - Yes, yes it was. Scary like I could hardly believe.

noregrets - haha...Glad I've read wng's post to really appreciate your comment;>

fringes said...

I'm glad it worked out. My heart was racing while just reading the post!

NoRegrets said...

Yeah, sorry, I got a little carried away with the tru dat...
but I am also glad that all was ok. It must be so nerve wracking having a young child.

heather said...

you did great! blue lips or not you responded the correct way and did everything right. much better to have done it (possibly) for no reason than not to have done it when needed.
and just think, how many moms of infants get to pay back the whole 'wake you up in the middle of the night from a sound sleep' bit?
so, it may be a while yet for you to feel completely comfortable having a glass of wine with dinner. maybe just half a glass? you know yourself better than anyone else so that's a decision you will have to make alone i'm afraid.
so glad everyone's ok. hugs to you and kisses for the boys. :)

Churlita said...

I can't imagine how scary that must have been for you. I'd be afraid to fall asleep after that.

Belle - A Beauty livin with her Beast said...

Wow, that had to be scary. I am just glad that everything is ok .

Tera said...

Whoa! Reading the first few lines scared the shit out of me!!! Damn, thanks for the Friday afternoon scare Woo!! Okay, I can breathe now, wow!

P.S. NoR you sounded so "street" with the "tru dat!"

Victoria said...

stressful :(

Miss Britt said...

Wow. Thank God for that maternal instinct.