Friday, January 04, 2008

Lonely...

I'm feeling lonely. I thought being reduced to nothing but back and forth emails sucked, especially when there's often a delay, but not being able to get any email in response to mine sucks so much worse.

The more fun part of pregnancy is happening now, and I have no way to share it with anyone. I can write about it and talk about it, but the reality of it is that I spend my days by myself working at home and my nights sitting by myself. Those are the most eventful parts of the day for the baby, the times when I'm alone, and it's impossible for anyone to enjoy it with me right now. The boys are interested and try to participate, but they just can't be waiting around until 11 o'clock at night to feel the baby kicking and watch him move in my belly. And, really, even if they could, it would never be the same as sharing these things with NS.

Baby Woo-Woo hasn't heard his daddy's voice yet and won't get to for probably at least another month. I don't know why all this stuff is overwhelming me all of a sudden...maybe it all gets back to being on the supplying end of one-sided emails for the past few weeks. It's one thing to wait a couple days to get an email; it's something else altogether to know there isn't a reply email coming at all. I also feel obligated to keep the emails I send fun and light-hearted because no matter how much I vent or complain about something, he can't respond to any of it right now to make me feel better, and I don't want him to feel helpless like that. That's why the email I just sent him says that I can't think of anything I really want to write about other than to say I love him and miss him while I then write this here. I just wish I knew when they were getting to the next port. I know it's this month, but I don't know when, so I can't even count down the days until the next contact.

I'm in a miserable mood. I think it's time to go to bed.

13 comments:

dilling said...

Miserable moods are par for the course today. I hope you wake up happier tomorrow. Good sleeps.

Dixie said...

((((HUGS))))

Susan said...

{{{more hugs}}}

Churlita said...

I'm so sorry. Long distance relationships are hard enough when you're not pregnant and feeling vulnerable.I can't imagine how tough it must be for you now.

NoRegrets said...

Sorry woo.

fringes said...

Sorry, sweetie.

Nina said...

I'm sorry that you're going through this alone. I can't imagine how that must feel.

Belle - A Beauty livin with her Beast said...

i just want to say, that i look up to you. there arent many women out there who could take the love of their life being gone for months more than less with 2 kids and one on the way. i applaud you for holding in there and making the best of the situation, he will be home soon!!

Eunice said...

*hugs*

Chebbles' Mama said...

I think you're right to keep the e-mails lightehearted for your NS -- he would feel so awful and helpless if he knew your feelings. Just so you know, when I hit the seven month mark, my hormones got CRAZY and everything felt horrible and hopeless. So, not that you aren't legitimately feeling the sadness of separation right now, but if you're anything like me, then a healthy dose of hormones are on TOP of those feelings and... well, I really wish I could do something to make you feel better!

Sarah said...

Hey Woo,

I hope you get this. You seem to be here less and less.

I have been very curious as to who you work for. I know you are an instructional designer...which is what I am interested in doing as well. I was a freelance graphic designer many years ago but haven't done anything in awhile. I hope you see this message because I am so anxious to get information about this. Happy New Year to you and the boys - I hope you are well.

heather said...

this should be good for a giggle. it always works for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YevYBsShxNs

(i still haven't figured out how to leave links in comments but i know it can be done. grrr)

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

dilling - Hi, and thank you. Sorry that it seems you've had a miserable mood recently as well.

dixie and susan - Thank you!

churlita - Distance does make things harder. Thanks.

noregrets, fringes, nina - Thank you.

belle - I have to tell myself that every single day...he'll be home soon. As hard as I'm feeling this separation, I know there are others that have even longer separations. I'm looking forward to not feeling like each day is a struggle to get through.

eunice - Thanks;>

chebbles' mama - You're definitely right about the hormones. I wish I knew something other than having him home that would make me feel better.

sarah - I'm actually a technical writer; I write training manuals, jobaids, reference materials, and the like. When I was hired, the position was titled, Instructional Designer, but that wasn't a very accurate title for the position. Our team of people has since evolved to include some instructional designers, too, and now my title has been officially changed to technical writer. Our company has just done a layoff right before Christmas, so I doubt they'll be looking to add on to our team any time soon. If you want the name of the company so you can keep an eye/ear open in the future, just email me, celebrate (dot) woowoo (at) gmail (dot) com.

heather - I've had a really hard couple days, so no giggle, but I did crack a small smile. Thanks for trying to cheer me up. (And, it came through as a link on the email notification;>)