Thursday, May 24, 2007

Wardrobe malfunctions with white pants...

smurf with white pants and banana
I wore white pants yesterday. I am very fond of my white pants. They don't wrinkle, don't require a lining to be sufficiently opaque, and seemingly flatter me since I often get compliments on them. But, yesterday was not the right day to wear them; it was just one of those clumsy days.

The pants are dry-clean only. Since they were in the dirty clothes hamper, I decided to toss them in the dryer with the Dryel sheet Tuesday morning so I could wear them later this week. I put them on yesterday morning. NS mentions the stain on the back of the right leg. That's why I had them in the hamper...how did I miss that Tuesday morning?!? I then remembered the stain appearing the last time I wore the pants. It showed up early in the day, so I had to wear them the rest of the day with the little brownish spot on the back of the leg. So, I think, "I did it once; I'll just do it again...I don't want to even try to figure out something else to wear." I really should have taken the 5-10 minutes to find something else to wear. Lesson learned.

I'm dressed and ready to walk out the door, which means it's time to get the boys ready. I start with M. He decides he wants a peanut-butter wrap. I ask if he'd like some honey on it, too. Stupid, stupid question. He accepts the offer of honey, so I make the wrap, roll it up, and give it to him. As he stands in front of me, wrap in hand, taking bites as I get him dressed, a drop of honey slides away from the wrap to make a silent splat on the leg of my pants. I cringe and quickly finish the dressing of the boy to rush into the kitchen and dab a wet paper towel on the spot. It's not awful, but it's definitely another spot I'm going to need to remember the next time I clean these pants.

No further mishaps from dressing J, but as I'm washing my hands at the kitchen sink, the last task before we all walk out the door, M approaches me from the side, holding a black ink pen. Softly and swiftly, he swipes the pen on the back of my thigh, the same leg sporting the small brownish spot a bit further down. He proudly announces that he's written on mommy. I reacted with much less pride in my voice, especially as I now notice another smear of honey on the front of this leg. This one comes out less than the first since it has had a few minutes to penetrate.

There is no time to change. The top I was wearing was not versatile. I couldn't just change the pants. I was wearing white shoes to match the white pants. Deciding to change the pants at this point would mean an entire change from head to toe. Considering I spend my days cozily hibernating in my cave-office, I just couldn't justify the change. We scurry out the door.

As I'm taking the boys out of the car at daycare 10 minutes later, I somehow forget that J had stuck the peel from the banana he'd eaten on the way in the handle of his door. My backside had been resting against it while I unfastened the seat belt, unbuckled his 5-point restraints, and as I helped him out of the chair. It wasn't until I squished myself further into the door to allow him to exit that I realized what had happened. I reached around to my lower back, hoping that I wouldn't feel anything, disappointed when I felt banana strings smooshed into my shirt and pants. Un-fucking-believable.

Yet, that is still not the end of the stain spree I endured yesterday with my white pants. My lunch was an almond butter and honey wrap. Who can guess what happened? You might not be surprised that some honey escaped the wrap and drizzled it's way onto not only my chest but my lap as well.

To recap:
1 mystery brownish spot on back of right leg, mid-thigh
1 honey spot on front left leg, near knee
1 2-inch black ink pen stripe on back of right leg, butt/hip area
1 honey spot on front right leg, knee area
1 semi-circle of banana goop over my butt
1 honey spot on front left leg, upper thigh

I walked around most of the day trying my best only to expose the back left of my pants since they were actually still white. Not very easy to expose only a quarter of your body at a time, but I saw no one pointing, staring, whispering, or laughing, so maybe I was successful. Maybe they just waited until I left.

Thank God I didn't start my period yesterday.

9 comments:

jomama said...

Sorry to laugh at your expense, but that is so unbelievably hilarious. I am not a fan of white pants. I don't even like light colored khakis. I hope all of those stains come out.

k8 said...

you're brave. i cant stand white pants bc of the stain factor and the see thru factor too. all my bottoms are dark.

heather said...

oh man, i'm gonna have to finish this one later. i just can't help but try to hide my eyes. your day was just a wreck waiting to happen wasn't it? i have sooo been there.

Jan B said...

That is too funny. No wonder I wear black all the time!!

FENICLE said...

This was too funny....sorry though. Don't you just love being a mom? You get these mystery spots everywhere...on you, on the carpet, in the car...it never ends!!!

FENICLE said...

By the way - you are BRAVE wearing white!!!!!!!!!

Skyqueen said...

THIS is the reason I never wear white. Funny story though

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

I love these white pants. I bought them just before I found myself pregnant with the boys, and since I didn't back to that pre-preggo size until about a 17 months after they were born, I didn't get to wear them for a long, long time. They are such a light, bright white that they just really make some outfits beautiful that would be blah or so-so otherwise.

I may have to reserve them for evenings out, though...I just had to share my mishaps for your entertainment;>

Dagromm said...

I think white pants looks very good on a woman. They just look dynamic I guess. Not so much on a man. Unless he's Don Johnson.