Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Yes, I do have an opinion on that...

NS and I talked during our Valentine's dinner on Friday night about various topics, some of which seemed to have an underlying theme of marriage, at least us getting married at some point. I've discovered he doesn't like that I still have IFKAMH's last name, even though he fully understands why I kept it (simply easier if boys and I have same last name). We've had similar coversations before about women's last names after marriage; I've made it clear that I hold no attachments to any last name I've ever had. Quite frankly, I haven't really had any of them (three) long enough to have an identity formed around them, although IFKAMH's would be the closest since I've had that one most of my adult life. Somehow this veered our discussion into the boys' relationship, or lack thereof, with IFKAMH. NS has his own timeline for IFKAMH to actually get involved in the boys' lives before he would consider pushing for adoption. It's a couple of years. I don't know how much resistance we'd have to put up with to make that happen, but I can imagine that getting out of 13 years of child support might be enough to persuade IFKAMH to throw in the towel.

With all that Friday night and the honeymoon word being tossed around Saturday afternoon, it's sort of hard not to think about marriage. But, before the marriage can happen, there needs to be a proposal. With my jewelry pickiness being a concern, I think I'd really prefer not getting a ring with the proposal. I don't think a ring is the required finale to make a proposal memorable. What would make it special to me is not knowing how and when it's going to happen.

IFKAMH and I were engaged for several months before I received an engagement ring from him. His mom had been keeping a diamond ring for him that he'd bought for but never given to a former girlfriend; she suggested checking with the original jeweler to find out if it could be used towards the purchase of a new ring. He did; they agreed to give credit towards a new ring. The trip to his mom's place was about three hours away. I knew he was going down there when he left; I knew why he was going; I had specified that I wanted a white gold, princess-shape solitaire, figuring there was no way for him to mess that up. When he returned from the trip, he informed me the ring was not ready yet, so I'd have to wait another week or two to get it. What I didn't know was that that was not the truth. We went to dinner that night, and in the parking lot by our car, he produced a ring and proposed again. The ring was more elaborate than the solitaire I'd requested (the new ring had to be at least double the purchase price of the original for the jeweler to offer trade-in credit), but thankfully, he hadn't picked one I'd hate. If he'd done something similar with the first proposal, sans ring, I'd have felt that was at least as special; as it was, the first proposal was much more casual and was really more like an agreement.

So, I really don't see any downfall with getting the ring post-proposal, especially if it means I'll get to voice my opinion without feeling like I'm pushing a proposal that hasn't even happened. In fact, I think the man planning out a romantic day or evening that climaxes around his asking me to marry him is much more important than having a ring in hand at the same time. The way I see it, guys don't typically wear diamonds, or jewelry for that matter (mine don't anyway), so I would never expect them to know much about it. Even if he did all the research he could, unless he takes that specific woman with him or asks her a gazillion questions, he can't be sure that he'll pick the ring of her dreams because we women, well, we have different likes and dislikes...go figure.

I had to do some research for this post (of course) and found what I feel would be the absolute perfect ring for me here, even this would be a suitable, less expensive alternative. But then I started wondering...what is too expensive? Those beauties ain't even in the realm of inexpensive considering they're pricing is $2900 and $1325 respectively...y'all, that doesn't even include the center-of-attention (there's me slipping into my "hick accent" as NS so lovingly refers to it...at least he tells me he thinks it's cute). I guess that's yet another reason I don't think the ring should be something left up to complete surprise.

For something a woman's expected to wear for the rest of her life, gushing at the memory of the day her guy proposed, it would be nice to make a tradition of ring shopping being a joint, post-proposal celebration that allows for input on both sides.

This post was going to be my first sponsored post, but the PayPerPost opportunity for blogging about engagement rings is no longer available. So, any feedback on whether or not this seems too out of context would be appreciated.


fringes said...

Great for pay post even without the pay. My engagement ring was a princess cut diamond with a cotton candy pink sapphire on either side. Antique platinum setting. Engraved with our code word for "we'll always have each other" or something like that. The ring was ridiculously expensive (over seven grand?) and the dude started getting nervous. Whole shebang cancelled over the price of the ring when all he had to do was choose a ring from Zales Outlet and I would have been just as happy.

There's my story.

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

That first setting could so easily get into that seven grand range after picking out the stone. My last engagement ring was around five, and it wasn't even a carat total weight...it was that damn platinum setting. I'm not doing so much with my rings that I need that kind of sturdiness; it just makes it harder to buff out the minor scratches that I do get. I wish the first one was also in white gold because I love the detailed edge and the shape in general.

gerry said...

it was really nice reading your post...thanks for sharing it...and hey since Women's Day is coming up just visit my blog on Womens Day Greetings and enjoy all that i've posted there!!!

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

gerry - Thanks. I'll check it out.

Jonathan said...

Interesting post. We went shopping for Wendy's ring after I had proposed. What she didn't know until years later was that it nearly broke me... I had to arrange an overdraught that week to cover it.

She got all teary when she found that out :)

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

That would make me teary, too.