Monday, February 05, 2007

They're never get over it

Other people having babies and other people having miscarriages finally broke me down. I'm sitting at my desk with tears on my cheeks, unable to stop them from continuing to fall. I don't like crying at work. Thank God I have my own office...and that my mascara is waterproof even if the eyeliner isn't.

Near the end of last year, a blogger that I'd found through the NaBloPoMo experience lost her baby. I felt like there wasn't enough I could type to offer my sympathies...and still don't.

Earlier this month, someone I have never met or even had any type of direct communication with had a miscarriage. My only reaction is to just want to hug her and let her know I understand.

On the 25th of January, a co-worker had her son. And, he's positively gorgeous. In our office "baby arrival pool" I had predicted her son to arrive on the 16th. I chose that date because I thought it would be very symbolic if my real-life pregnancy buddy's baby was born on Baby Angel's due date.

Saturday's mail contained a Huggies coupon for my "one-month old"...the one that never made it this far. The heavy tears collected in pools in my eyes that evening, but just for a minute because they weren't quite ready to be released.

While we ate lunch at the mountain lodge yesterday afternoon, we sat behind a family with a newborn baby girl. I don't think anyone noticed my lingering looks. She was so cute in her little pink outfit and hat.

I guess all of these things have just been building and building, and reading about the fight this woman's family and little girl are going through right now just collapsed my building, and now I'm crying. I sure could use a hug; at least I can go home in 20 minutes and get one from a little boy or two and a kind man.


Jonathan said...

I wish I could do something to help.

We've been there too, and continue to go back there in our mind when friends announce their good news. We are still avoiding visiting a good friend because they had a baby...

It's awful really - avoiding friends you've had for years because they have a child they are fawning over, and you didn't manage to get that far.

The worst bit is we're not blaming anybody either - we just can't face it yet.

briliantdonkey said...

It is hard to even imagine having to go through such a thing. Glad to know you have a place to go and get those hugs when you need them. They won't make the pain go completely away, but maybe in some odd way that is a good thing. My thoughts and prayers are with you.


Susan said...


Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

Thanks to all of you. I think a cry over her loss was just overdue and came on very suddenly yesterday. I got my hugs and kisses and even had some laughs right after I arrived home yesterday, so all is well in my world again.

BeckyD said...

I truly don't know it must be like, I can imagine, but I am sure it's nothing compared to your reality. My heart goes out to you.

Many many {{{{HUGS}}}}