Saturday, December 30, 2006

Party in the potty, or not...

Today was day one of the get-down-to-business potty-training for M and J. That means no diapers or pull-ups were used all day, but instead, we went through six pairs of underwear before noon and six pairs of pants as well. Then, more underwear and more pants after noon, too. I don't think any urine was voided into the toilet today at all, in fact, and the only poops that got flushed were the ones that got dumped into the underwear first and then into the toilet.

At least tomorrow can't be worse;>

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Christmas recap...

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Since NS had to work all day on the day, Christmas for us and the boys was moved up to the 24th. I'm thinking more and more that it's a great idea to spread this holiday out over a few days;>

That picture was taken before I dragged NS's snowboard out because it was hidden in our closet, which meant I had to wait until he was asleep. I seriously considered not dragging it out to be on display and then pretending to remember one other gift in our closet after he'd opened his couple of books and laptop cooler. But, you know, Christmas stuff happens in the morning, and mornings aren't my prime time for cognitive abilities, so I thought my acting would not be very convincing and opted for the initial shock value afterall.

The boys received tricycles (those orange contraptions pictured), although both of which are missing a piece, a different piece on each, too...guess quality control isn't a primary focus for that company. They also received Leap Frog Word Whammer and Fridge DJ, two of each...the amount of magnetic letters we now possess is a little out of control. A Duplo Thomas the Train set for M and a limited edition bucket of Duplos for J, which were quite promptly split between the two Duplo zoo sets they received for their birthday. Sleeping bags with an astronaut theme since they refuse to sleep in those awesome beds Mommy wasted so many hours on searching and reviewing. Per M's last-minute request for Santa to bring airplanes, NS and I tracked down some matchbox airplane sets at ToysRUs, and my mom and her husband found a cute airport set at Kmart. More than a few Backyardigans toys were included in their loot...we now all know Pablo's pirate song very, very well;> Clothes, socks, underwear, battery-operated toothbrushes, doctor set, fishing set for bathtime, Doodle Pros and Travel Doodle Pros, Nerf rocket-looking footballs, a couple books, and I'm sure a multitude of other toys and gadgets that I've failed to include in this list. We'll just say they're not lacking for any toys or entertainment.

Big Dog got a blanket to lounge on along with several different treats and a container for those treats. Marmaduke got some living plants and a new cave-like thing to swim through and sleep on to replace his column.

Not all my presents arrived before Christmas, but that doesn't bother me in the least...again, I think this present-giving holiday should be stretched out over more than a day anyway;> I was able to open a lot of snowboarding gear: jacket, pants, socks, undergarments, gloves with liners, a stomp pad (the maroon floral) that beautifully matches my snowboard (the 146), goggles. So, I'm pretty sure the only thing I still need to be totally prepared is boots;>

My mom and her husband got me a gorgeous jewelry box that I just barely have room for on my nightstand, an ornament that will hold much sentimental value as the years pass since it is an angel with Baby Angel's name and birthdate engraved on it, several pretty shirts, pajamas, earrings, a necklace, lip glosses, cash, and very likely more things. Other family members contributed a book, a frame, candle and body butter, stocking holders for next Christmas, Target gift card, cash. Guess we'll say I'm not lacking for anything right now, either;>

The celebration lasted from Saturday to Monday night, and it was fantastic.

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Tuesday, December 26, 2006

A meaningful gift...

I got a Christmas present last night that I didn't need and wasn't actively wanting.

NS had to work yesterday, so I received a Merry Christmas wish via text message last night, and with that came an "i love u".

The fact that I feel loved by him without him actually spelling it out in words made this one of the most thoughtful gifts I have ever gotten. I didn't need the words nor did I hold any specific desire for them because I already knew they were true. I just knew.

But, his making certain that I got them last night nearly took my breath away and definitely had tears welling in the brims of my eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment...especially the moments immediately after as I wished my boys their sweet dreams and good nights and softly whispered those same words in their ears. I imagine the memory of standing in the bedroom, reading the message, and then the overwhelming feeling of complete peace and happiness flooding over me as I was rendered unable to say anything but a barely audible "wow" for many long seconds will be a hard one to forget. I think that's the way it's supposed to be;>

Monday, December 25, 2006

By request...

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That is what was left of the dozens of cookies NS made last week when I took the picture on Saturday. We'd eaten a dozen or two, and I'd given away another dozen the day before at work.

Now, there is one lone cookie left, waiting to be consumed by its creator;> I gave away another couple dozen for Christmas, and we've eaten a lot of chocolate chip cookies lately!

Friday, December 22, 2006

The boy's got personality...

At least, he does things that I can equate with having a personality;>

I've only had one betta fish before, and I'm not sure that I remember him having so much personality.

Marmaduke greets me. I mean, the boy swims to the front of his tank and waves his fins at me. He does this upon my arrival in the morning and when I return after being away from my office for a while during the day. He even makes gulping faces at me somtimes if I talk to him. Yesterday morning he was quite still and facing me, so I waved; he promptly propels his fins into waving as if he's returning my friendly gesture.

He seems to be very happy in his little home, wading into all the crevices and through cracks between the plant's branches.

His coloring is so gorgeous and seems more vibrant than it was just 5 days ago when I first got him. It's like he tries to show it off to me by casually gliding from one side to the other, long, silky fins splayed so the light shines through them, highlighting the cobalt blue with deep crimson accents.

I'm such an easily-awed, captive audience for aquatic life;>

Thursday, December 21, 2006

And he bakes, too...

He opens the door, the boys rush inside, and I follow with a tad less rushiness, arms filled with gift bags and picture frames as well as my daily work tote, which is filled to capacity.

What is that smell? That smell that fills my mind with thoughts of sugar and dough and chocolate chips? It is cookies. Not pre-made cookies, not pre-prepared cookie dough made into cookies, not even cookies made by following the recipe on the bag of chocolate chips...cookies using a recipe he sought out and researched.

There was already a mound of cookies in the extra-large, stainless steel mixing bowl, but there were still about twice as many coming, each batch getting better as the timing was mastered and finally perfected. Oh, that last batch made the recipe reviews live up to their high praises for this cookie. They are soft and sweet and moist and, well, just marvelous.

Nothing like coming home to some warm, freshly-baked, chocolate chip cookies;>

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I almost got away with buying all Christmas gifts online...

My first unpleasant shopping experience this holiday season (hopefully the only one) involves both UPS and the Susan G. Komen Foundation for breast cancer research.

I received a call last night as well as this morning from a man with the Komen Foundation. I had ordered an ornament for one of my co-workers as a Christmas present since she is a breast cancer survivor. Well, he's calling me because the shipment was returned to them from UPS since UPS was unable to obtain my signature for it. His message this morning had a haughty tone that I found quite unpleasant, as though I had intentionally not signed for my package. He said UPS had made several delivery attempts over the course of two weeks and then more attempts to contact me for pick-up arrangements, finally forced to return the package since I did not respond to their attempts; he then asked that I call back, which I have every intention of doing.

First of all, who the hell requires a signature for a $10 ornament?!? That was my only beef with the Komen Foundation Marketplace until this message I received this morning. Now, I'm also quite displeased with the accusatory nature in his choice of words. The first message was left at nearly 9 pm last night. The second? Not even 9 am this morning. Think it might have been a good idea to give me a chance to call back before getting all bitchy on my voicemail? 'Tis the season, right?

Secondly, my never-before-experienced disappointment with UPS. UPS always delivers to my apartment after 5. At least they did before the holiday season came around. Fine. No problem. You're working harder to get people's packages to them before 10 pm, so you might get there earlier on some days...completely understandable. But, when you make the first attempt at 2:30 in the afternoon on a weekday (12/6) and leave a note that says the second attempt will be made after 5 the next business day, I certainly wouldn't expect you to attempt delivery at 4:30 the next day (12/7). Had UPS tried after 5 that day rather than at 4:30, the package would be with me, or in the hands of its intended recipient now. Regardless, another attempt is to be made after 5 the next business day; turns out that attempt wasn't made on 12/8, the next business day, but instead was on 12/11, my boys' birthday, so I wasn't home until after 8. The note was not quite clear as to what was going to happen since other packages had now arrived as well, and it was their first attempt for those. The next day, only the other packages were received. I had no note to call about the other package, no idea when it was going to be sent back. I try on 12/15 to make delivery arrangements on the UPS site after finding the tracking information, but it doesn't allow me to do it. When do I receive the note telling me to pick up the package before 12/18 or else it will be returned to the sender? Oh, let's see...12/18 sounds good. To be somewhat fair, I didn't check my mail on Saturday, 12/16, but even if I had, I wouldn't have been able to get the package from UPS after Friday, 12/15, because they are only open Monday through Friday and the package was being returned on Monday, 12/18, so even getting the notice on Saturday would have been useless. The notice was postmarked 12/12, so in essence they gave me 3 days to receive this and pick it up. Can't they at least hold the damn thing for a week before returning it? Apparently not. UPS apologetic at all when I call? Not really, just said that the notice was sent via regular U.S. postal service, but I didn't really complain, either. It didn't really dawn on me how much I could have complained about this until after the fact, but regardless, any amount of complaining from me to UPS would have done nothing to get that package to me now.

I'm also still a bit confused as to how this package never got signed for by my apartment office since both first and second attempts were made before 5:30 pm.

So, a little recap...
Komen Foundation man says UPS made all these attempts to deliver this package and contact me over the course of 2 weeks. He even admitted in the message that the first contact from UPS to me regarding this shipment was on 12/6, so two weeks would be today, and they have already received the return shipment, so not really an accurate timeline. And, he has no idea that UPS not only didn't attempt deliveries when they said they would but that the notice they sent to me to pick it up was not delivered until that was no longer possible to do. This is why assumptions make people look like asses.

At this point, if I don't find something else for her today, then I will have it resent and will just provide her a picture with a note that it's coming, but if I find something else that I find suitable for her gift, then they can keep their little pink ornament.

At least it doesn't burn holes...

Although nail-polish remover may not be harmful for skin, afterall it definitely touches skin while being rubbed all over my nails, I doubt it's even a remotely good idea to spill the bottle in your lap. What a pleasant surprise that was...shockingly cold, wet pants and panties is a comforting sensation for sensitive areas {said with much sarcasm}. Not to mention that it also got on my sheets, which are black; I'm sure the color won't be affected at all {again with the sarcasm}. Oh, and the aroma lingering in the walk-in-closet-sized bedroom was a fantastic sleep aid {I'm sure the tone is understood now}.

Will this experience prevent me from continuing to pretty up my toes in bed? Not likely;>

Monday, December 18, 2006

A little fishy...

Always wanting to make my work space comfortable and relaxing since I spend at least 40 hours a week there, I thought a small aquarium was in order. I told my mom about this plan of mine, and she surprised me with it today!

Marmaduke (meaning "leader of the seas"), the blue-with-hints-of-red betta, is busy exploring his new home, a 1-gallon acrylic with various shades of blue on the floor, decorated with a toppled pillar and plush green sprouts, also including an overhead light and under-gravel filter with air pump. That pump, by the way, creates a little vibration on my desk...not enough that I'd be content sitting on my desk when NS is away, though.

He's quite pretty, and I've caught myself fish-watching for a few minutes at a time already. I think one of the walls might be giving off a reflection because he kept approaching the same spot, smacking his fins around, and then promptly swam behind the plant, seemingly waiting to see if he was going to be chased. As if I need more distractions at work; I suppose this novel excitement will weaken as the days pass, and then the bonding can begin;>

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Perhaps it's part of the holiday season...

I've stumbled across several blogs discussing religion as well as the existence of a god: cagey's NaBloPoMo Sunday postings, m kennedy (aka fussy) on 12/7 and 12/9, and by way of fussy, I've read some of julia sweeney's blog over the past few days. And, then there's this silliness about putting "Christ" back into "Christmas"...Christ was forced into a pagan holiday celebration which has become Christmas, so I say you can put him there if you want, but please stop telling other people how to celebrate.

As I have mentioned before, I am no longer a religious person. I do not identify myself as belonging to any religion as I don't feel that any of them are necessary and am often disgusted by the actions of those who do claim to be religious. I was, for many years, a Christian. Nothing overly devout. My family didn't force church upon me as a child. Actually, it was I that attended Sunday school and childrens' service each week by taking the church bus; I was the one that requested to be baptized at the age of 8. My mom attended church with me for a couple years during my middle school era. It was a non-denominational church but most definitely upholding the teachings of Christianity. As many teenagers do, I more or less abandoned a lot of those teachings in favor of living by my own guidelines for moral behavior shortly after starting high school. I was still a good person, but I didn't really think it was meant for me to make sacrifices in lieu of having fun.

I haven't gone back to religion since then, but I never truly let go of the belief in a higher power. Therefore, I did return to prayer; that began the moment I learned of my first pregnancy. I prayed every night before I went to sleep that the pregnancy would result in a healthy child, and after finding out that I was having twins, the prayers were only slightly more involved in that I wanted them to stay put for as long as necessary. Although these wishes and hopes were expressed through my prayers, each prayer was begun and ended with gratitude for the blessings I already had.

I still do this. I never stopped after I started praying again. The only "requests" ever made are generalized good health, safety, and happiness. I put the quotation marks around "requests" because I don't believe they are actually requests. The things I "request" in my prayers are simply expressions of my hopes and wishes for the future, and again, these things are always preceded and concluded with thanks for my present good fortune.

The logical part of me understands why people don't believe in a higher power, but the part of me that sees the intricate cause and effect actions unfold in my life and the lives of others makes me hold on to my belief that a spiritual power is involved in this universe. That is my lack of ability to definitively chalk everything that happens up to pure coincidence. The fact that this Naval station was the last choice on NS's list of places to go combined with the fact that I had no intention of moving back to VA prior to unexpected change after change being thrown into my life resulted in our ending up together makes sense to me and not because of simple happenstance.

People that struggle with their belief in a higher power often do so when facing difficulties in their own life, such as cancer or death, or when looking at the tragic events that we are confronted with daily, like disaster and disease and poverty. They cannot grasp why these things are allowed to exist and happen. No, I don't believe the victims of these things deserve what they get, but I do believe that these things can be used to obtain a stronger will and zest for life as well as provide fellow humans the opportunities to be more compassionate and act accordingly.

Seeing or hearing of cruelty towards others, especially for superficial differences, I realize that we all need to learn that being different makes us better as a whole species. This helps make me more tolerable and accepting.

I generally believe that we all should take what life provides and make the best of it; I also believe I'm able to do this because I feel there is a purpose to it all. Things happen for a reason, even if I never know what the reason is. Do I look at a child with a disability or a town nearly demolished by natural forces and ask why it happens? No, I honestly don't. I know that the child will undoubtedly touch many people's lives with his strength and courage, giving them reason to be appreciative of life's possibilities. I have faith that the town will either be rebuilt by genuinely caring people or the people from the broken town will be dispersed amongst other towns, where they may have been needed for further success.

It seemed terribly judgmental when I read that those (at least a great many from julia sweeney's blog) who have abandoned the idea of a God existing consider those that have not to be irrational and/or non-thinking, and they also seem to generalize those who do believe in God into the group of religious Christians. I reached this point of spirituality by being very thoughtful of what I'd learned and experienced and by taking a few mental steps back to find a bigger picture than just my own life. Atheists (and it seems more so for naturalists) say God's existence cannot be proven scientifically and therefore cannot be believed in, to which I say it hasn't been disproven, so I'll just continue to believe what makes sense to me. Everyone else can continue believing what makes sense to them as well, but it might be best not to judge others for their beliefs because I doubt any of us will be around to witness the scientific proving or disproving of a spiritual existence.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

How to get here...

Usually people that get here by searching for something are actually searching for me. At least that would be my interpretation of search terms like "celebrate woo" and "celebrate woo woo".

A few searches leading here frighten me a little. Things involving "two boys" and "cute boys". Those are the ones I wonder about if I should and how I would report them to authorities.

Recently, though, I've gotten hits from more random things. Here's a little list:

fitting room miniskirt
That one's taking it back to July 2005.
skyqueen, florida
I believe they may actually be looking for this chic, whom I do have a link for in the sidebar.
two boys christmas video to mom
Not sure, but I think this may have been related to a commerical.
woman selling shoes to two boys picture
I doubt I've ever seen this picture...wonder if it's a good one.
lip balm machine
Who knew there was such a thing? Maybe there isn't, but they wish there was.
pull ups poo poop pooping pooing poopy pooped poopies
Potty-training? I am no help right now. I'm hoping to be able to offer some wise and experienced advice soon enough, though.
little boy peeing in the snow
Not yet. Thank goodness;>
since my husband physically abused me he has ignored me for 2 months
I am so incredibly saddened by this; I wanted to cry as I read it. I hope she finds the courage and desire she needs to escape before he stops ignoring her.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Now we can buy all the small parts and choking hazards...

M and J are officially 3 years old; that happened at 12:46 and 12:48 PM Eastern time, respectively.

They know the ABCs.
They know colors.
They know a lot of shapes.
They can count past 10, always to 11 and usually jumbled after 12.*
They are writing letters and pictures with a purpose, not just random scribbles...intentionally and legibly writing A or H or M and drawing smiley faces, although the smiley faces tend to have straight mouths.
They recognize their names on paper.
J (and possibly M, too) recognizes other words without accompanying pictures, for instance "strawberry".

So, they are quite accomplished little boys. I can't justifiably call them toddlers still; they are, in fact, children now. I realized this as I responded to some toddler inquiries cagey had recently. Toddlerhood is part of our memories (more mine than theirs) and childhood awaits. It's an exciting adventure that I hesitantly welcome with open arms.

What can't they do? Well, it's more like "won't" than "can't" because they have done it...stop peeing and pooping in diapers and/or pull-ups and using the toilet as a utility rather than a toy. So, the weekend after Christmas, I'm taking this advice and ditching all diapers and pull-ups and will wash load after load of laundry to get my point across. I know they can do it because they've stayed dry at daycare until after nap several days, but I see the reason they don't...why make the effort if no one's making them. Sure would be nice not to need to include diapers on my list of stuff to pack for our vacation in January.

*The jumble of those "teen" numbers is not specific to them, though. While buying that slurpee machine in ToysRUs, the little girl in front of me skipped 13, 14, and 15 just like M and J do;>

I didn't know they had a seasonal availability...

The building I work in is participating in the Salvation Army Angel Tree program this year as they apparently did last year as well. Our angels include name, age, clothing and shoe sizes, and a wish list. I chose a 3 year-old boy that had "educational toys" on the wish list. I have two 3 year-old boys that get educational toys regularly, so I thought I could easily manage that. I also chose an 11 year-old girl that had a snow cone maker as her wish. I know I've seen snow cone makers in the store before, so I thought this would be an easy one as well. I so thought wrong.

Walmart had snow cone machines available online, so I went to both the Walmarts in my area Friday snow cone machines. I never realized how disorganized the top shelves at Walmart are before. I assumed the stuff on the top shelves corresponded with what was on the lower shelves in that aisle. Not so much, but still no snow cone machine found after carefully traipsing through each and every aisle with my head cocked back and rolling side to side. Okay. Well, I've still got most of the weekend to find one.

I spent many hours Saturday afternoon online, searching and searching and searching for a physical store that had a snow cone maker, hopes raised each time I found a local retailer that had them in inventory only to fall farther and farther each time I read those "not available in stores" or "online only" words. So, I found plenty of snow cone makers that I could order online, but none of the merchants would be able to guarantee delivery before noon on the 12th (our deadline). After paying the astronomical overnight/express/expedited/procrastination-is-my-first-middle-and-last-name shipping charges, I didn't want to be stuck with a snow cone maker that I would never have wanted in the first place and not have anything to give that little girl, and so I heartbreakingly come to terms with the fact that I will not be giving her the one item on her wish list. I even seriously considered buying a gift card for one of the places and including a note with information on the snow cone maker they had, but I don't think the gift card would provide the type of excitement her family hoped she'd be able to have by participating in this program.

I did get the next best thing (at least I pray it will be seen that way), a slurpee machine. It may even be a tiny bit better since you can make any flavor you want using juices, sodas, etc. No generic-flavored syrups to buy forever and ever.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

I don't think that's how they're supposed to work...

It's a good thing I left the party when I did. Apparently, the shots were taking their time working their magic on me. After a decent half-glass of red wine and, um, SEVEN shots, a mix of apple pies ( can they make liquid apple pie like that?) and kamikazes, I still felt totally fine. Well, I feel a little off right now, 20 minutes after walking through my front door, relieving my mother from the couch to return to her bed a couple miles away. I thought the beauty of shots was that they went down smooth but had powerful effects. I guess that's true, but I thought it was supposed to be a quick, powerful effect.

I'm not going to admit how many times the backspace key was used for this post...not that my count would have been accurate anyway;>

Friday, December 08, 2006

Now he knows I know he knows...

As much a relief as that morning was, there was even more relief to be had that evening.

Stretched out on the bed next to NS, watching t.v., he also perusing the internet, he shifts his position slightly, the laptop screen no longer directly included in my vision although still part of the peripheral*. What I see from the corner of my eye is this very site.

I've known for months (and I mean months as in, let's say, since April kind of months...again because of peripheral vision as I passed behind him while he was using my computer one afternoon) that he knew I had a blog of my very own and wasn't just a reader of others' blogs, but I never knew if he ever read it again after his initial discovery.

Why would I be relieved that he does read it? Why would I try to casually let him know that it is fine that he reads it? Because I have learned to accept that I express myself better in written form. More of my true feelings are exposed and are better communicated when they are written (or typed, as the case may be) than if I try to verbalize them. I always forget things when I try to say them. I can't very well walk around with queue cards for life's conversations...can I? Anyway, last week when I posted about that Redbook article on love codes, I started wondering if he really knows how I feel about him. Does he recognize any simple, subtle things as gestures of my affection and fondness for him? It dawned on me that most of the talks about our future seem to involve my listening and agreeing without much actual contribution; at least, it seems that way to me when I think back to them, which makes me wonder if he truly understands how much I do want to be part of that future. So, basically, if he reads what I've written about him here, then he should know, recognize, and understand all of that. At least, I'll have to hope so;>

*He insisted the shift was not to prevent me from seeing the screen, though. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but the timing was rather coincidental.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

I'm not an addict but am a frequent user...

I can't explain why I conducted the search yesterday in the first place, but a search for Monkey's Lunch flavor of My Lip Stuff lip balm also popped up a result for the Lip Balm Anonymous site.

It never really occurred to me that the chapped feeling I seem to get more often now than before could be because I use lip balm daily, usually anywhere from once to three times. The addicts belonging to Lip Balm Anonymous seem to have a much more serious problem than I since I don't get any high feeling from applying lip balm or the smell of it, nor do I have panic attacks if I don't have it, but I have begun to realize how much more my lips seem to be peeling and cracking and bleeding if I have not applied any lip balm in the middle of the day but did in the morning and hating the half hour it seems I spend trying to smooth my lips out again by removing all that dried, cracked skin...but even then it doesn't ever occur to me to that I just need more lip balm, so I think it's safe to say I'm not quite an addict of it.

Since the age of thirteen I've used Vaseline from that big tub nearly every night before going to sleep. Back then I was also a nervous liplicker, so that's probably why I needed to use it in the first place. While that stuff does help heal, overnight, whatever plagues my lips are suffering, after reading the Lip Balm Anonymous site, I wonder if it isn't more harmful for me to keep using it when I don't actually need to. Maybe it shouldn't be used as a preventative treatment.

I am curious as to the role of lip gloss and lip stick as well. If I stop using lip balms as a prevention for dryness so that my lips can restore their own natural moisture, will I have to stop all forms of lip embellishment? Because that, that bare lip look, I'm not sure I can commit to...sometimes a girl just wants to add some color to her not-so-colorful lips, you know, and I just love to see the shimmer of gloss on my mouth. It's not an obsessive love, like I can't go an hour without checking my lips to see if the sheen is still fully present; afterall, I put on one layer of lip gloss this morning (without the undercoat of lip balm for the first time in, oh, I don't know, probably years) and haven't reapplied a single thing seven hours later. I don't need a constant freshly-applied look, but I like the traces of glitter left behind that somehow seem to better define my mouth. I am not a matte user at all. I like shiny things, even on my face.

I'll try to reduce my daily usage to just an occasional or this-is-too-painful (following the first few weeks of what was labeled by the addicts as physical withdrawl symptoms) usage because I would like to see if my lips actually have a decent amount of moisture all their own without my waxy interventions.

How very apropos that today's self-portrait for Flickr's 365 Days was a you-don't-get-much-closer-than-this close-up of my mouth;>


I'm not prone to being a blindly led sheep...I swear;> Found this on fringes's blog, too, though.

You are The Hierophant

Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching.

All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.

The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Why did I start this thing?

In response to the question fringes answered on her blog with an invitation to join in fun...

Well, it was a gradual domino effect. GA girl was coaxed by another blogger (also a former roommate of GA girl's), skyqueen, into starting her own blog to keep friends updated without having to compose and send emails (much easier to just compose and publish;>). I became a regular reader of her blog and since I'd created a Blogger account to make comments on hers, I thought I may as well create a blog while I was at it. That little fact was documented in the incredibly-creatively-titled first post I created.

At that point in time, my marriage had been on the path to its eventual end for over a month, nearly two, IFKAMH having stopped spending his nights at the house although not actually telling me where he was and pretending as though I and the boys didn't really exist. It took all of until my second post on the first day for me to start writing about my daily adventures with my boys and IFKAMH's deplorable decline from husband and father into ex-husband and strange guy's voice on the phone maybe once a month these days.

That has been over a year and a half ago, and I still find great comfort in having a place to share my thoughts and experiences in a way I've felt most at ease with...writing. My life is definitely not the same as it was when I started this, but I'm glad that I felt compelled to write about it then because it gave me this wonderful outlet to have and community to participate in now.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

My body is evil...

WARNING: Male readers may regret reading this.

I think my body and mind are playing some sort of game. My body seems to delight in using whatever methods available to scare my mind.

For the past two months, my period was the same, although strange. I would have a day or two of bleeding about 5-7 days before I should and then have another day or two when I should. Sucky, but at least it was consistent. This month? Let's see, I should have started 2-3 days ago. The skipping of the weird pre-bleeding was not a concern; I thought I was finally getting adjusted to these pills, but then not even starting on time...that did give me a little to worry over, especially considering I have had some days of overwhelming exhaustion and have been feeling nauseated on and off for nearly a week. While I can certainly attribute those things to other causes (exhaustion from illness, nausea from bug boys caught and passed around for 4 days), I did that once before and set myself up for a shocking discovery in later months, so I didn't want to be too quick to dismiss these things again.

So, naturally, I went to Dollar Tree last night to buy some pregnancy tests. I took one of them this morning. A bit of a side a test that you can't pee directly on cheaper to make? Is that why these are a dollar when others are at least four or five? Collecting urine in a cup to then suction into a mini-sized dropper should not be the highlight of my morning. Back to the was negative. As much as I'd love to be pregnant and have a baby, I am very thankful for this result. I think part of the reason my body is easily able to play these tricks with my mind is because I'm so paranoid about getting pregnant right now; the timing would be awful seeing as NS would be on deployment at the time of the birth.

Of course, after getting out of the shower, I pee once more and find those smears of red I'd been looking for for days...scheming, conniving, manipulative body;>

Monday, December 04, 2006

Please excuse me...

I may not post regularly, or read regularly, this week as I try to organize M and J's birthday as well as finish up my Christmas shopping.

My "babies" will be 3 years old in one week;>

Friday, December 01, 2006

It's all in the code...

As I sat in the waiting area of the doctor's office Tuesday morning, I picked up the issue of Redbook that was on the table next to me. One of the cover headlines caught my looking-for-distraction attention. It was about ways he says he loves you without saying it (very loosely and generally paraphrased). I decided to read those couple pages while listening for my name.

The article was actually about couples using code words and phrases in place of the "I love you" expression. The "relationship experts" commenting were very much in favor of this, claiming that it supported close and intimate bonds between the pair since it was something only the two would share.

One of the women interviewed told the story of her construction-worker husband that would say, "I like you," instead of, "I love you," when ending a call from her while he was at know because of the embarrassment he might suffer from the other tough, manly men he worked with.

That, of course, got me thinking on NS and me. It seems his code phrases are: I like you and You're alright/okay. And those words always make me feel that warm feeling of love and make me want to hug him a little bit tighter. The emotion is completely sincere (and therefore powerful) when he tells me those things, and I guess I have always had at least an inkling as to what the real message was. Who knew it was such a good thing to have these codes, worthy of a Redbook cover article;>

A few changes...

The dark dots blogger template just wasn't doing it for me anymore, so I decided to test out some of the new beta blogger features. I'm satisfied right now. I still have all the things I had before with a lighter color scheme and a bit more organization. you couldn't guess that my favorite color is blue;>