Thursday, August 31, 2006

The saddest days of my life...

I went to my 20 week dr. appointment on Monday morning. NS did not come with me, mostly because I didn't ask or insist that he come...I figured this would just be a routine appointment that would take all of 15 minutes and the only thing he'd miss was hearing the heartbeat.

My blood pressure and weight gain were good, 5 pounds in 5 weeks...right on track. The nurse practioner came in and asked how I'd been feeling; I'd been feeling great and feeling baby movements consistently since the last appointment. Next was listening to the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. Well, she couldn't pick it up. This didn't really worry me since this happened a lot while I was pregnant with the twins, always with M's heartbeat and he seemed to like the same spot in my uterus that this baby had chosen. So, we go to do an ultrasound, which is standard procedure when the heartbeat can't be found with the doppler.

Once she started the ultrasound, I began to realize that this was probably not going to be good news. Heartbeats are not really hard to see on an ultrasound, especially this far along in pregnancy, but I didn't see it. She moved the wand around my belly for a few minutes, saying that she was just trying to get the whole baby in the picture, but I knew before she said anything that it didn't look the way it should. I didn't see the heartbeat, and the baby did not move at all. She finally confirmed what I didn't see and took a measurement. The baby measured to be about a week smaller than it did at my last ultrasound, which had been 5 weeks before, at that last appointment.

I had to wait for about 5 hours to have a follow-up ultrasound with the technician to confirm the diagnosis and then to speak with the doctor about what was going to happen next. My mom picked me up that morning and stayed with me until the next appointment, and since NS was at work and unable to retrieve the messages I left (one completely unclear message that was left while I was still crying and the other a bit more clear, though not completely, left after I'd been able to calm down a bit), she was with me at the next appointment, too, when the ultrasound technician confirmed everything we'd already seen...that my baby was no longer living and was measuring to be about 14 weeks instead of 20.

The doctor informed me that the baby had to come out somehow. The option for a D&C was fairly risky for how far along my pregnancy is and would only be able to be done about 90 minutes away. The other option was to induce labor and deliver the baby, which in his opinion, was the safest route for me to take. I opted to go through the labor and delivery, but I was definitely scared. I'd never gone through that before and never thought I would. He said I could actually go to the hospital right then or wait until the next morning. I needed to be able to spend the night with my boys and to spend some time with NS before doing this, so I chose to wait until the next morning.

The tears flowed freely. I could not believe what had happened. Why had my body been playing such a cruel trick on me, acting like it was sustaining a life when that life had ended weeks ago? Why was it making me feel a tiny baby move and kick when it simply wasn't possible for that baby to do those things anymore? Why has it not realized what happened? These are the questions that plagued me that afternoon and that night. Although realizing that 99% of me was certain that my mind and body were just playing tricks on me, I started to wonder if it was somehow possible that they have just missed a second baby.

The reasons I decided that I would need to have this unlikely possibility ruled out without question are:
* First ultrasound was perfomed vaginally. Baby measured a day shy of 15 weeks and seemed perfectly healthy. These were done abdominally, and the baby was only measuring 14 weeks.
* I had been feeling movements at specific times of day, when resting at night and most recently during the day. Movements were noticeable after eating or drinking something sugary. All of these were in similar places to where I'd felt M moving while he was in my belly, and he was a hider, although easy to see on ultrasounds because he was next to his brother rather than really behind him.
* I had still grown and gained weight.
* My breasts still felt very tender, not achy like they were with my boys, which only lasted about a week, but tender to touch, which was the way they'd felt all along for this pregnancy.
* I have heard recently of a couple of people who've had ultrasounds performed during pregnancy and still didn't find out there were actually two babies until very late in pregnancy, like third trimester.

So, I knew that night that I would be asking for another ultrasound the next morning before allowing anyone to start the labor induction process. I just needed to be 100% sure instead of 99% that my body was wrong.

NS and I arrived at the hospital around 7 am, which was when I was told to be there. I hadn't been allowed to eat or drink after midnight, which wasn't hard considering I went to sleep around 930 the night before. I was checked in and changed and poked at for some 7 or 8 viles of blood by 8 am. I was taken down the hall to the high-risk office for the final ultrasound. The technician was very understanding of my need for certainty and made sure to slowly scan my entire uterus to ease my fear of going ahead with the labor and delivery of my deceased baby. By 10 am, the doctor had come in and inserted the pills necessary to begin the induction. He explained that this would likely be a very long process and I probably wouldn't actually begin delivery until the next day (because of this, I was allowed to eat up until the point when I started feeling contractions). He strongly suggested my getting an epidural because I would still be in pain during this process despite the small size of the baby. I had already signed the consent form for the epidural, knowing that I would ask for it if I felt I needed it. Minor contractions started around 1 pm. Nothing unbearable, just like PMS cramping off and on. By around 4 pm, they were starting to get uncomfortable, mostly because I was tired and wanted to rest but couldn't because of the contractions. After confirming that I had not yet begun to dilate, the nurse injected some Stadol in my i.v. to help ease some of the pain to allow me to rest. I was allowed two doses of the Stadol, but since I'd never taken anything like this before, we opted to start with just one. This worked really well for about an hour. So, I asked for the second dose, hoping that I'd be able to get some rest. The second dose couldn't have lasted more than 10 minutes. While I rested in between contractions, I was breathing through them every couple minutes. Just about 7 pm, the other dr. at the office I'd been going to comes in to check on my progress and to insert some more of the induction pills to keep things progressing. As he begins the examination, my water breaks. He's unable to determine how dilated I am but can feel the baby's feet trying to exit. They quickly set up the delivery table and advise me I am going to start pushing so that we can try to be done with this before the night is over rather than dragging it out over the next several hours or into the next day. The baby comes out quickly and easily. I had already told the nurse that I'd wanted to see the baby before it was turned over to the hospital, so they took the baby to the back of the room to clean it up as much as possible. Now, I needed to get the placenta out. Remember how my body didn't really want to believe that it wasn't still pregnant? Well, it hasn't changed its mind even after delivering the baby. My cervix was trying to close up again and only allowed a small tip of the placenta to come out. I pushed hard and well for just over an hour but never progressed. Finally, the dr. stated that a D&C was going to be needed because too much time had passed and I'd started to bleed too much. During my last few pushes, he had called the OR to see if they could get ready for me, so they were. A few minutes after he told me we were going down, I was on my way; I'd had just enough time to see my baby girl and hold her and to call my mom and tell her what had happened and what was going to happen next. NS was not allowed to come with me, later I understood this was because they were going to put me completely under anesthesia, so I wouldn't be awake. I woke up about an hour later feeling pretty rested and not in any pain at all, no more cramping, which surprised me. I was allowed to return to my room about 20-30 minutes after waking up. My mom and NS were waiting for me. My mom was holding my daughter, in her little pink blankets. She stayed for about a half-hour before leaving, and then I spent another hour or so with just NS and the baby. She was absolutely tiny, about the length of my hand from wrist to finger tips, but she had everything that makes her look like a baby: eyes, nose, mouth, ears, arms, hands, fingers, legs, feet, and toes. One of her hands was curled up to her face and her legs were curled towards her, too...like she was resting very peacefully. While it was hard to look at her and know that she is gone and that I won't ever be able to take her home, it helps the healing process to really know what she looked like and to see her look so peaceful.

The hospital gave me a wonderful keepsake for her, which included a blanket, dress, hat, and booties...all white. I don't know how they managed to have something so perfectly her size. The little white dress would still have been a little long but was just right for me to always be able to remember how tiny she was. I was also given the outer blanket she was wrapped in. Just so you can understand how cute and tiny these things are, here's a picture of the dress, hat, and booties on her pink blanket next to my hand.

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I am doing fairly well, crying off and on as would be expected. I left the hospital early yesterday afternoon. I have had no physical pain other than soreness from pushing with all my might to get that placenta out the natural way and some bruises from having blood drawn and the i.v. attempts (third time was a charm on that one). NS is saddened by this, too, but has been a great support for me. He even stood by and witnessed the full bloody mess of delivery since nothing was done to cover me in any way (that's not what they show on t.v.) and slept with me in the uncomfortable hospital bed that night. We haven't officially chosen a name for her yet, but she will be named.

It saddens me to have to write something so tragic, but I will always know and believe that everything happens for a reason, no matter how unfair it may seem.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Pics as promised...

I have internet at home again! Yay!! So, here are some of the pics I promised...

First close-ups of new haircut:

One in it's natural somewhat wavy state
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Then, styled with blow-dryer
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Now, full-length shots that show off the growing belly:

Wavy-hair
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Blow-dryer style
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Next up, the boys jumping on their new beds. These were taken the first day they had them, J is more obviously jumping in his picture.
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And finally, J sleeping in a corner last weekend...poor guy must've been exhausted.
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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Another long update...

Glad to see that everyone is thinking so highly of my NS for getting me cheesecake...I'm rather fond of him, too;>

Anyway, the move is still underway. My bigger furniture was moved on Saturday from the other apartment; NS, one of his roommates, and his friend, B, helped. There were a few comments about my shoes and purses being excessive, but I let that slide since I didn't have to do any lifting;> As for the progress of NS moving in to the new apartment...his roommate was able to get their landlord to agree to accept the 60-day notice now without having to renew the lease for another year. This was really the most ideal solution out of the options available. I told him on Friday that he was still more than welcome to move his stuff in even though he'd have to pay for the other place for a couple more months...he laughed and asked where he'd put it (if you saw the state of new apartment, you'd understand his comment fully); he did bring a toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and deodorant with him on Friday night and has been bringing his work stuff with him before he comes over so he doesn't have to go back to his house before going to work. So, he's going to take the extra time to help me get settled and then move his stuff over.

I found out on Sunday that he really wants us to be living together. He had been talking to his mom on his drive over to my place and was telling her that he felt kind of bad for not having called me earlier during the day. Considering he'd helped me move on Satuday, I thought he probably took his time getting up and out on Sunday and then probably hung out with B (possibly another friend, but I sort of assumed it would be B), most likely to see a movie, so I wasn't worried/concerned/upset about his not calling since I just figured I'd see him later that night...I was right about all of this. His mom asked if he was supposed to have called or if I might be mad about him not calling; he said he wasn't sure that he was "supposed" to call, but that he thought it probably would have been a nice thing to do and that he doubted very much I'd be mad since he's never actually seen me mad and I don't really seem like the kind of person that lets stuff like that upset me, which he thinks is a very wonderful quality. This is about the time that I find out that this is the longest relationship he's been in since former girlfriends have annoyed him by three months or so. Having seen how a lot of women my age and younger act, I can understand that. While I know several women in my age range that aren't immature or selfish or bratty (for lack of a better term right now), the ones that I've seen in public that I don't know or have read about on other blogs or on message boards are another story. I am not the kind of person to flip out over something small, and I don't think that everything someone else does has an impact on me. For instance, women that think their boyfriends/husbands (or whatever they consider them) do things purposely to make their lives harder...not likely. If you feel really strongly about it, then say so, and if you're not going to say anything about it, don't let it fester until you blow for something else even less important. If it isn't something that is truly important to you in the grand scheme of things, then LET IT GO! I cannot see how people can lead happy lives when they let everything get to them. If I didn't let things roll off my back more often than not, then I'd be extremely miserable, and I hate to think of living my life that way. I'm sure we've all read those email forwards about some guy that has some pathetic life but is always in a good mood and makes others smile because of it and the end of the email it states that he chooses his positive attitude in the morning...I feel that is very true for the most part. I don't do anything cheesy like saying some optimism mantra in the morning when I wake up, but I can assure you that I do make choices about what I let get me riled up, and when I pray to the higher power that I believe in every night, I say more thank you's for the blessings and good things in my life than I make requests. Well, that was kind of drawn out for just trying to say that NS likes my attitude and thinks we are good together and wants to hurry up and move in so that things like not calling me to tell me he's hanging out with his friend that day won't bother him because he'll be able to just tell me in person and will still have seen me earlier during the day.

On to my mom's situation...her husband has still been a royal ass, although he did buy some groceries and dog food. He was even acting foolish towards me and NS and the guys helping with the move on Saturday, despite the fact that they moved the furniture that was my mom's from the apartment to his house. When I came up here from Florida, I brought IFKAMH's tool chest with all of its tools, too. That has been at his house ever since. NS and the guys were trying to unhook the washing machine that's in the new apartment because it isn't mine and I want mine since it's so much bigger, but they had no luck with getting the hoses off. My mom went back to her house (I say "her" very loosely) to see if the tools they needed were in the chest. Her husband refused to allow us to use them...refused to allow me to use my tools that I paid for. His reason for this is that those are his payment in exchange for helping me move from Florida...funny how I don't remember agreeing to that arrangement and never would have. She tried to negotiate with him in that I didn't need to take them, just borrow them...nope, he said we'd have to buy them. She was going to sneak them out for me yesterday but found the chest to be locked and unable to find the key. I have an unidentified key that I found while unpacking some stuff, and although I don't think it's the right one, I figure we could give it a try. She said he was in good spirits yesterday, so she was going to just ask again, hoping for a different, more reasonable response before coming to get the key from me. For someone to just flip their moods like that, I think he has to have some sort of chemical imbalance issue going on that can be medicated...but he would never believe that because according to my mom, he doesn't even see why people take vitamins.

And finally, I did get my hair cut last week...a bit more of a cut than the trim I had in mind, but the goal was to get rid of the dead-ends, which was accomplished, and I like it. It made a world of difference with combing it out the next day, so I guess I can't really blame the fire-hose shower-head afterall since I still haven't been able to get the one at the other apartment off to transfer to the new place. If NS can't get it, then I'm just going to get a new one. Whenever I get the internet to work at the new apartment, I will post some pictures of the hair, my (covered) belly, and J from Sunday when he fell asleep sitting in a corner as well as both boys jumping on their new beds;>

Monday, August 21, 2006

Now that's sweet...

Last night I was treated to a wonderful present, especially considering I'm pregnant and desserts are a daily craving and indulgence for me now;> NS came over bearing not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 different slices of cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory. I can't even describe the smile that crossed my face when I saw the bag and then as I looked at each container with him telling me which was which...

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE-DOUGH CHEESECAKE
Creamy Cheesecake Loaded with our Chocolate Chip Cookie-Dough and Topped with Walnuts

DULCE DE LECHE CARAMEL CHEESECAKE
Caramel Cheesecake Topped with Caramel Mousse on a Vanilla Crust

GODIVA® CHOCOLATE CHEESECAKE
Layers of Flourless Godiva Chocolate Cake, Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake and Chocolate Mousse

ORIGINAL
The one that started it all! Our Famous Creamy Cheesecake with a Graham Cracker Crust and Sour Cream Topping

I am set for the rest of the week!! I had the Dulce de Leche Caramel today...mmmm;p

Friday, August 18, 2006

Pissed off...

I'm incredibly upset right now. I was going to write some short little post about the lack of pictures due to my only internet access being at work and no photo-uploading software/sites work here, but now I've gotten a call from my mom that just thoroughly angers and saddens me. My mom is a truly wonderful woman, beautiful and caring and kind and loving...this does not, however, help her in finding a decent man. She has not been working steadily since she quit the job she had when she and her husband separated for a brief period, which was a rarely-lucrative sales position at a furniture store. She has nursing experience but really hates the field for everything that it involves besides the actual patients, if you understand what I mean. Anyway, this call was mostly about her picking up the boys tomorrow while NS and I and his friend finish up moving my stuff tomorrow, but she also mentioned some stuff that her husband is doing that is just completely unacceptable. He has taken away any means she has to access money, no credit cards and no bank cards; she has a nickel available to her right now. Bad, huh? But it is so much worse than that. She said there is barely any groceries in the house, and he refuses to buy any, including dog food, of which there is very little right now. How can someone that pretends to be such a generous man be such an abusive freak?!? How can not feeding your wife and four dogs make you feel better? I told her she is more than welcome to the food and water at my place since I have some. I just cannot believe how easily she manages to find such controlling men. I don't know what I can or should do about this situation. I'm very protective of my mother, and I hate to see her being abused like this; I am about ready to cry.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Moving...

So, I'm in the process of moving to a new apartment. Movers that packed all my stuff up from my house in FL brought that to the new apartment last Saturday. Holy crap, I have too much crap! But, since I've been without the stuff for over a year, a lot of it I can easily look at and say I no longer want, so I have a had a good time downsizing;>

NS helped move some boxes and small stuff from the old apartment on Sunday. There's still some big stuff there, like my t.v. and the boys' dresser, and that will get moved over this weekend. NS was also supposed to move in this weekend, but that may not be able to be officially done yet. As it turns out, his landlords require not only a 60-day notice to terminate the lease (pretty standard as that is what my old lease had and is what the new one has, too), but their lease also has an automatic renewal if you don't provide the 60-day notice prior to the end of the lease. There are a few options for getting around this, but all but one of those will involve him having to at least financially live there for a couple months at least. The one that doesn't involve that would be breaking my new lease and moving there instead of him moving here. Not the worst thing that could happen since they rent an actual house, but good gracious the traffic every workday would bug me, and we'd be living with a third adult. Since NS and the other roommate that are actually on that lease are on duty today, they won't be able to talk to the landlords about alternatives to having to pay for another year until tomorrow.

The new apartment is pretty good, with the major exception of the size of the master bedroom. I have never known a master bedroom to be so tiny. I didn't even feel comfortable bringing in either my long dresser or the armoir because of the space confinement. NS insists he is going to need something with drawers for his clothes. I'm going to store all but my maternity clothes since I won't need any non-maternity ones until, at best, February, and then I'll just hang most everything else of mine. It's going to be especially fun once the baby is born and has to share our room, too...I may not physically be able to leave the bedroom after that;>

Also, it is quite odd that usually the complaint with new showers is that there is too little water pressure...not the case here. The damn thing is like a fire hose. It is actually scary-sounding to hear it turn on and does hurt once you're in it. NS laughed at me when I told him about it last night (because I'm gettng a trim for my hair today in hopes that the dead ends are why it was too tangled to comb through yesterday and not that the shower is so strong that it ties my hair into knots), but when he took a shower this morning, he found out that I was not exaggerating...he told me before he left for work that my shower is out of control and that it kinda hurts. I definitely agree with that last part, which is why I try to avoid direct contact with the water until I need it for wetting or rinsing. I'm going to grab the massage shower head from the old apartment tonight and pray I can figure out how to connect it so I can at least pretend that it was the haircut that made my hair manageable again;>

One problem with the downsizing of stuff I haven't yet figured out is pictures, my wedding pictures in particular. I enjoyed my wedding and it was a happy day at the time, but there are three albums filled with pictures that I don't know if I really want to keep all of. I'm also struggling with how much memorabilia of IFKAMH I want to keep around. While I have no desire to keep any of it, I wonder if my boys will want it. I don't think IFKAMH is really going to pull off the involved parent role he says he wants to have in their lives, and I honestly don't want him to try anymore. M and J were and are still too young to understand what happened or to remember who he is. IFKAMH is not "daddy" to them, NS is. I fear that his trying to salvage a relationship now would just confuse the hell out of them and be too difficult for them to cope with, especially when I think of how he is so unlikely to carry through with any type of regular involvement and still seems to operate more on selfish motivation than anything else. He can't even remember or bother to call once a week (if it was me, I would be sure to call everyday, at least to say good night and that I love them, but maybe that's too much to expect him to think about). The last two times he has called to speak to them (neither of which I was actually able to answer) were following conversations I'd had with his mom about how little he actually calls to talk to them. I wish she would stop pushing or guilting him, but I can understand how disappointing it must be for her to see her only child become such an asshole that he can't bother to be a good father figure for his children...any of them. Now, I don't know for a fact that she is the reason his calls came when they did, but it is a very remarkable conincidence that one call I had with her in which I told her he hadn't called to speak with them in at least three weeks, probably longer, was followed by a call from him a few days later to tell the boys good night and that another call with her in which I told her he had called that one time although the boys had been in the bath at the time and were then put to bed before I even knew he'd called was then followed a couple hours later by another call from him to say hi to the boys (at my grandmother's house that time, so didn't get to answer). That was the last time he called, which was 10 days ago. I haven't had a long enough conversation with his mom since then for her to ask if he's called, so I kind of think that is the reason I haven't heard from him. All of that is why I don't really know what I should keep in memory of him (pictures mostly because I'm not keeping other stuff of his; I'm not his personal storage unit). If he demonstrated that he would seriously be involved with their lives, then I would be more inclined to keep stuff for them to have, but I'm afraid to get rid of almost everything that ties him to me for fear that they will think I want to erase that part of my life, the part that brought them to me, since that couldn't be further from the truth. I am just much less sentimental as I get older, meaning I don't feel the need to keep stuff in order to keep my memories alive. There are a few things I have kept, like the hospital bracelets my boys had when they were born and the first maternity outfit I bought as well as the one that I went to the hospital in, although I may not keept those outfits since I have pictures of them and I hope not to need the size clothes that I wore to the hospital then this time around. I have also kept their first birthday cards as well as the card I received at my shower for them. I like having the milestone markers (which is why I still plan to keep at least some of my wedding pictures) rather than just random stuff related to random memories, like vacations.

Anyway, I think this is now way past long, and I've rambled enough. Hope everyone's been doing well;>

Friday, August 11, 2006

Dreaming...

I rarely have dreams, or at least if I have them, I don't remember them;> Pregnancy changes this completely for me. I have weird, vivid dreams at least once a week that I remember.

A few that I've had this time (other than the not so interesting ones of finding out the baby's gender, of which I have had one of each):

* Had twins again. For some reason I left the hospital with them immediately and went to the mall. I was in a very large and luxurious ladies' lounge; I assume it was actually part of a restroom facility, but I didn't see the stalls in my dream. The babies started crying to be fed, and then I started having a lot of pain. That's where it ended, and it really wasn't a pleasant dream.

* Another one with me having twins again, but this time, my stepdad took them to his house. When I got to the house, it didn't look at all familiar, and there was some little boy running around that I didn't recognize, either, although he appeared to belong to me from the way I reacted to him in the dream. Very strange and ended there, but again wasn't really a good dream.

* This one was kind of out there. I was on an airplane with my family and friends. This plane was enormous and had balconies, which were in use even though we were in the air. It was designed a lot like the Titanic, I think, but with really big wings so it could fly, too. The Titanic thing comes to mind because the plane somehow landed in a large body of water and was then being used like a cruise ship.

* The most recent one was a result of NS looking at used Cadillacs online. I dreamt that he had purchased one, but it was too big for me. I still drove it, but had to keep adjusting the steering wheel as it was as big around as me forming a circle with both my arms. It was so big that I eventually had to move the wheel as far up as it would go and look through the windshield underneath the top of the steering wheel, so I was driving with my arms up in the air and over my head...let me tell you, it wasn't easy to do in the dream;>

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Told you I'd steal again today...

Really not too sure why the numbering is off, but I have read three of these, and they all have the same numbering, so I'm leaving it unchanged.

1. Where were you 1 hour ago?

Shooing M and J out the door to go to daycare.

2. Who will be your next kiss?

Either NS at lunchtime or one of my boys.

3. What is the largest amount of money you spent in one store?

I've spent over $1000 on a few different occasions for furniture.

4. Where did you go on your last date?

Last Saturday went to Topeka's steakhouse and then to movies...Talladega Nights (hilarious, jomama).

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?

One of the days before the trip to DC with NS's family to get new sunglasses.

6. Are you wearing socks right now?

I don't ever wear socks if I don't absolutely have to. I wear sandals as much as possible;>

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?

I was a passenger in a car that drove to DC on July 28th. I drive out of my town weekly to other towns in the area, though;>

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?

Yep.

10. What are you wearing right now?

Dark and light turquoise striped shirt with black tank top underneath and black pants.

11. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?

I've never washed my Jeep by hand, and I've had it for well over two and half years, and it's only been through a car wash a handful of times during that time. I'm a bad owner, I know;>

12. Last fast food you ate?

Disappointing breakfast from McDonald's. I was craving an egg and cheese with something on bread and got a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. It was alright. The hashbrown, which was really the last thing I ate, was downright awful.

13. Where were you Friday night?

Home.

14. Have you bought any clothes in the last week?

From Old Navy.

15. When is the last time you ran?

I don't purposely run, so I have no idea.

16. What's the last sporting event you watched?

I'd probably say some part of X-games, but not for very long.

17. What is your favorite class?

I guess one of my favorite classes from high school was Latin because they were tiny classes and the teacher was great.

18. Your dream vacation?

7-night Western Caribbean cruise on Royal Caribbean.

19. Last persons house you were in?

My grandmother's on Monday night.

20. How old are your parents?

My mom is 46.

21. Are you in love?

I would say yes.

22. Do you miss anyone?

Yes.

23. Last play you saw?

Probably some version of 'A Christmas Carol', but I'm not sure when. If not that, then it would have been something performed in high school.

24. What are your plans for tonight?

Go home after work, make dinner, eat, get boys in bed, then chill;>

25. Who is the last person you sent a message to on myspace?

I don't spend time on myspace.

26. Ever go to camp?

Never overnight.

27. Were/are you an honor roll student in school?

Almost always.

28. What do you want to know about the future?

Will I get married again?
Will my boys be good men?
Will I have a successful business?

29. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?

Nah, just scented lotion.

30. Are you hungry?

No.

31. Where is your best friend located?

Georgia.

32. Who is your best friend?

GA Girl.

33. Do you have a tan?

No.

34. How old do you want to be when you have kids?

I wanted to have my first child before 25...done.
Don't want more children after 30...pretty sure that's done now, too;>

35. Do you collect anything?

I don't think so.

36. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?

Very early August 2000 for an expired tag. Had gotten married in June and moved in July...didn't want to make too many trips to DMV, so I hadn't gone yet. No ticket, though.

37. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?

Yes.

38. How do you like your drinks?

Cold.

39. Do you like hot sauce?

Sure.

40. Last time you took a shower?

This morning, a few hours ago.

41. Do you need to do laundry?

I always need to do laundry.

42. What is your heritage?

Eurpoean. English and maybe something else, but I don't know what.

43. Are you someones best friend?

I think so.

49. Are you rich?

No, and I don't think I want to be, monetarily-speaking. I just want to have enough to be comfortable and buy things for my children and myself when I want.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Meme stealin'...

From jomama, and I'll steal again tomorrow;>

9 Lasts...
1. Last place you were: At daycare, picking up M and J.
2. Last drug used: Caffeine in my sweet tea from lunch? Tums on Sunday? Pregnancy kind of limits my drug use;>.
3. Last beverage: Water.
4. Last kiss: Baby J.
5. Last movie seen: At theater? Talladega Nights. At home? Haven't stayed awake through one in a while, but the last one started was Dodgeball.
6. Last phone call: NS.
7. Last cd played: Supernatural by Everything...remeber: Who got the 'Hooch'? That's them;>
8. Last bubble bath: Gosh; I just don't know. Sadly it was probably sometime while I was pregnant with the boys:(
9. Last time you cried: I tear up every other day just from hormones, so yesterday.

8 Have You Evers...
1. Have you ever dated someone twice: Doubt it...never really 'dated'.
2. Have you ever been cheated on: Yes and now realize it is not something I can forgive and forget.
3. Have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it? I'd like to think not.
4. Have you ever fallen in love: Yes.
5. Have you ever lost someone: I've never lost someone really close to me. I've only been to one funeral, that of a girl in my high school.
6. Have you ever been depressed: Sure, but not for very long.
7. Have you ever been out of the country: Canada summer before senior year of high school, Bahamas for honeymoon, Mexico and Grand Cayman on cruise.
8. Have you ever been on TV: Not to my knowledge.

7 States You've Been To...
1. Virginia
2. Tennessee
3. Florida
4. North Carolina
5. Nevada
6. Georgia
7. Connecticut

6 Things You've Done Today...
1. Shower
2. Check email
3. Gone to work
4. Read a message board about Hawaii living
5. Taken boys to daycare
6. Rent a personal storage unit

5 Favorite Things...
1. Seeing my boys grow into little children
2. Spending time with family and NS
3. Sex
4. Reading
5. Beaches

4 People You Can Tell Almost Anything...
1. GA Girl
2. Blogosphere
3. Missa
4. Oddly, my former and current co-workers

3 Favorite Colors...
1. Turquoise
2. Emerald/Jade Green
3. Chocolate Brown

2 things you want to do before you die...
1. Skydive
2. Scuba

1 thing you regret...
1. Hate even bringing it up again, but sleeping with the ex-boyfriend of one of my friends.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Been a little while...

Sorry for the lack of posting;>

I guess I'll start with dinner at Ruth's Chris. It was awesome. And although very pricey, not at all disappointing like the experiences I've had at Charley's.

The day after that, last Sunday, not yesterday, we all (all being me, M and J, NS, his mom, dad, sister and sister's friend) went to the Virginia Living Museum. This was quite fun for the boys. J especially loved finding the orange circles posted on the trees along the nature-walk and really didn't want to believe that he'd seen them all;>

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Afterwards, we all met up with one of NS's friends for dinner at Cheddars...mmmmm, I love that place. We had to wait quite a while for a table since there were 9 of us and the hostess didn't bother to use the paging system to call us when they first had a table since they didn't see us and thought we'd left...kind of thought having a paging system (which they did use for other people as we heard it while waiting outside on the patio) was to call people when you couldn't see them. M and J hadn't napped that day and were a bit wound up and easily upset, not to mention hungry, by the time we sat down, but as soon as the food got to the table, they calmed down long enough for us to have a good meal.

I really like NS's family. I had a lot of fun hanging out with them over the weekend, and I know that both his sister and mom made comments about my fitting in well;>

Couple of new ideas have been brought up by NS. He is going to try to move in with me this month instead of later. Currently, NS lives with two other Navy guys. The lease for the house is up at the end of the month. None of them are renewing since two of the three (not NS) are getting out soon. NS had made arrangements before I knew I was pregnant to share an apartment with another guy from his boat. He was going to move in long enough to give him a chance to find a replacement and then move in with me. But, one of NS's current roommates only has a couple months left in the Navy and was just going to crash on the couch at the new place, so as long as that guy agrees to take NS's place at the new place instead of just crashing on the couch, then NS will be moving in this month instead of later. I'm pretty excited about that...and also a little nervous, too. Second idea is a possible transfer to Hawaii after he gets back from deployment, which will be around a year and half from now. After his checking into cost of living and how the Navy helps with that, I'm actually thinking it sounds like an amazing idea. I cannot imagine being unhappy there other than being far away from family and friends, but at least I'd have a great place for them to have an excuse to visit;> My mom is going to have a hard time with that idea seeing as she's already worried about NS getting transferred somewhere. I love living near her, but I don't really want to stay in VA anymore. It really hit me once I started trying to find jobs and looked at houses. The job market and income levels in this area are miserable for the housing prices...and it really frustrates me. And it just seems like more and more cities/neighborhoods are becoming "not good" places to live, and the ones that are good are not the ones I'd be able to afford to buy in, so it seems kind of like having to settle for less when I really shouldn't have to and don't want to. There are other places where this isn't as much of a problem; I just wish my mom would be willing to move instead of wanting me to stay here. Anyway, I'm not going to even mention the idea until it is actually possible or beginning to be planned. After looking at the stuff about Hawaii, I think it could actually be the perfect place for me. I could start my whale-watching tour business there when I'm ready, the temperatures are always moderate (ranging from 68-85, I believe), the beaches and scenary are gorgeous, and it's an island (the laid-back island life just seems to be something I've been drawn to for a long time). I did tell NS that we would have to visit there before we could decide to move there, though;>

This past weekend was rough for me and boys. They refused to actually fall asleep for naps, so they were very, very cranky and a little too hyper; even NS commented about how different they were acting yesterday just due to being overly tired. I didn't even get to shower yesterday until after they were in bed for the night because I desperately needed a nap and slept through the only 30-minute span of time that they were in their beds (although not sleeping) before they could not stay in their room playing nicely. But on a funnier, more embarrassing, how-in-the-hell-can-I-keep-that-from-happening-ever-again note, the boys walked in on NS and me in a compromising position Saturday morning. While they did not seem to notice the awkwardness of the moment or care in the least, we were a little freaked by the incident, especially since the door had been closed. J seems to be quite capable of opening doors when he really wants to. I think I'm going to have to start closing the door regularly and making my bedroom a little more off-limits, but I'm afraid that's going to lead to some major adjustments for them, which may be hard to handle because they aren't exactly thrilled about the idea of not being able to get to mommy when they want to.

And the last new thing I can think of is that M and J are going to be getting big boy beds for the new apartment. No more cribs or cribs transformed into toddler beds. I'm hoping they get here by this weekend, but I'm starting to realize it probably won't happen, which means I may have to put off the official move to the new apartment or have them sleep on just the mattress or the inflatable travel beds I have for them until they arrive. These are the beds, which look like so much fun to me, and they've got great storage, too! I think they will be just perfect to get them through to the age of about 6, when I will probably get them some bunk beds.