Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The latest...

So, the good news I've been waiting to share is job-related. I am expecting an offer from the company I interviewed with for an instructional designer/technical writer position. They really like me and want me to start soon, but the offer letter comes through the H.R. department, who is apparently taking some extra time to process everything. The manager has stayed in contact with me during this time to let me know that they have not changed their mind and that I don't need to continue job-hunting (unless I want to). So, I'm very anxious to know the details of the offer because this seems to be a "real" job, and my research found a rather nice salary range for those job titles;>

NS and I went to see J Medicine Hat with a lot of people he works with and their significant (and in some cases, not so significant) others on Friday. There were a total of 18 in our group...about half were drunk before the show, which almost got them kicked out within the first half hour of the two hour show. We had originally thought the comedian was David Allen Grier of In Living Color fame, but that was another weekend. NS was a bit hesitant about this guy because he is a comedian/hypnotist. The show was awesome, and yes, I believe they were really hypnotized. One thing I found surprising is that I never really thought I'd be the type to fall under hypnosis, but I guess I could...very easily, I might add. He invited everyone to try it out by staring at the flames from the candles on our tables while the people on stage stared at a light on the stage floor. Apparently, you just need to be able to focus well in order to be hypnotized, and I have a great ability to focus despite distractions, so I started falling asleep pretty quickly...long before he instructed us to close our eyes, my head was nearly detached from my neck from falling so far forward. The weird thing is that I was completely aware of everything but just didn't care to (or possibly couldn't) make it stop, which is exactly what the hypno guy said would happen. I knew my eyes were closing, I felt my head falling forward, but it still happened. Apparently, one of the assistants was going to attempt to get me on stage but knocked the leg of the guy next to me (waking him up) and moved my purse (which had some dangling fobs, which made some noise), and I woke up. I am very glad not to have been pulled to the stage because I am positive that I would have been embarrassed by what I would have done. There were 5 women and 1 man that ended up staying on stage. The last two bits stood out the most to me. He had them pretend to be in a rock band. One girl was the singer, another was a drummer, another was a keyboard player whose keyboard had a special vibrator positioned between her thighs and got stronger the more she played, the last two girls were lesbian guitar players (one of these girls was an actual lesbian), and the man was an exotic dancer. The lesbian guitar players danced suggestively and grabbed each other during the song. The male exotic dancer was the best part of this bit, though. He was told to be a straight dancer until he heard the hypnotist say "nags head" and then he would be a gay dancer. Once he was a gay dancer, he would see a guy in the front row of the audience and think he was the hottest thing ever and try his very best to entice him. The poor guy was giving the guy in the audience a lap dance and whispered in his ear that he wanted to suck his dick...priceless;> The last bit was a spelling bee, in which they were all 14 year-olds. The premise was that he would give them a word to spell but they would spell their own word, which would be completely inappropriate and of a sexual nature. The first girl spelled "fellatio". When told to use it in a sentence for bonus points, she said she didn't know how. She was told to say "I suck good dick" as her sentence, and she shouted it. The next girl came up to the mic giggling because the girl before her said "dick" and then spelled "erection" for her word. Other than her truly convincing 14 year-old immature attitude, her spelling bee appearance was not as entertaining as the others. The male spelled "pussy"...shocker! The next girl spelled "penis" and said she likes big penises. Next was "blowjob" with a sentence about liking to give them. Finally, the lesbian...she spells "head". When prompted to use this word in a sentence (with a disappointed look on the hypnotist's face...I'm pretty sure his method was to give a word with the same beginning letter as what he was hoping they would spell, and her word began with a "c", but I don't think she would have been able to spell "cunnilingus", especially since she was playing a 14 year-old), she said, "Can some bitch give me some head?!?" It was classic. The reason I believe that these people really had no clue what they were doing comes from our standing behind the lesbian and her girlfriend as we left. This chic was totally outrageous with her rather butch lesbianess on stage, but while she was leaving with her girlfriend and their friends were laughing about the show, she meekly asks her girlfriend if she's in trouble and if she did something wrong. It was really cute;> So, if you ever have a chance to see this guy, go...you will have fun.

NS is taking M, J, and me to the circus this Saturday. I'm so excited. I haven't been to a circus in years, and I really wanted to when they were in town in FL but didn't get to go then. This will be a first for M and J, and I can't wait to see their reactions. J knows what an elephant is (M probably does, too, he's just not as vocally expressive as J)...he says elephant when he sees a picture of one, so it should be really fun for them to see those animals in person, especially since NS decided to wait for this Saturday as opposed to last since we could get really close seats this weekend;>

On a side note, I'm not certain about my getting a second Valentine's gift. I haven't gotten it, and he hasn't mentioned it since that night. I'm not about to bring it up, though, because I'm not greedy, and I am perfectly pleased with my home-cooked meal and rum cakes;>

Sorry for the delay...

I know that some people check out The Foot Fetish, and the posts have slagged off again, but I haven't been able to locate my camera since the move, and the camera on my phone is awful. Posts there will resume asap;>

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

I should have good news to post about soon enough, but in the meantime...

I saw this on Nessa's and Jomama's blogs, and I want to have something on here for people to look at while I wait for confirmation of my good news, so have some fun and let me know if you've done it, so I can see what you think;>

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Getting settled...

We moved over a week ago now and are starting to get pretty settled, I guess. Mom still has quite a bit of clothing to put away, but we've unpacked a lot of stuff and found room for it all, so we're doing really well;>

J is well now, too. Started feeling better the night that we went to the doctor, actually. As for anyone that thinks my children get sick often...well, there are two of them to catch each other's germs and pass them back and forth, and they do attend a large daycare center where germs are rampant despite the best efforts to keep things sanitized. My thoughts on the subject are: all of their illnesses are minor, for which I am truly grateful, and they will be walking walls of immunity by the time they start real school;> I was never sick as a child, but I catch almost every cold there is to be had as an adult, so if they can get all their illnesses out of the way as children, I think they'll be better off for it.

IFKAMH is still of the mindset that he can win my love and trust back...not sure why he believes this except that he still lives in a world of his own. I have told him repeatedly not to count on us getting back together. If he wants to move closer to the boys and actually be a father to them, then I will support that, and I can't stop him from doing whatever it is that he thinks will win me back, but I don't think he should be shocked if it doesn't work. Unfortunately for him, I think he will be shocked and disappointed...and I'm afraid he will be going for all or nothing concerning me and the boys, meaning if he doesn't get all of us back in his life, then he will choose to have none of us. I guess that won't be all that different for M and J at this point, but I would really like to prevent him from re-entering their lives just to abandon them again if that is what he will do once he realizes that I will not take him back...I just wish I could figure out how to determine if that will be his reaction.

NS cooked lasagna and lemon-butter green beans with almonds for me on Valentine's Day. It was quite good, even though the noodles he bought were a different kind (that supposedly didn't need to be cooked prior to baking) and didn't fully cook that night. The leftovers have been fantastic, though, since the microwave takes care of those noodles pronto;> There was an incident with him leaving his checkcard in an ATM last weekend that prevented the orders of my gifts from processing in time for the actual day, so I got one of them Friday (he told me there were two companies that he placed orders with for my gifts, so I'm guessing there is still something else on it's way). This gift was a variety of three (coconut, orange, and key lime) Tortuga Rum Cakes.
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This was especially thoughtful because I got him a small key lime one while I was in FL for the divorce, so he knew I loved them and realizes how much I miss FL sometimes;> After much procrastination and pondering, I got him a present on Valentine's Day. After wandering the stores in the mall without a clue what I wanted to get or what I felt would be appropriate besides a candle (but wasn't too impressed by any I found at the mall and time was running out), I decided to just pick out a card first. GA Girl helped me decide to go with my first instinct on the cards and make a gift out of it;>

Outside of the card: Sure, I'll be your Valentine. You don't have to butter me up...
Inside: Massage oil or whipped cream will do just fine.
So, NS received a dark square plate with a deep red candle encased with bamboo pieces, massage oil, and a can of Reddi Wip whipped cream;> All wrapped in red tissue paper and tied with a Happy Valentine's Day balloon and a tiny stuffed monkey (he loves monkeys, so I didn't just pull that one out of the air).

It was a nice evening, and I was very please to find that we were on exactly the same page for the signing of the cards...we both signed a simple "happy valentine's day" with our name. The card he picked for me was a bit more sentimental than the one I picked for him, but still no sappy poems or "I love you"s, so it was absolutely perfect;>

Oh, and he is definitely still a sweetie...he's spent a couple nights at the new place with me...in the living room, on an air mattress, with no sex...if that isn't sweetness, then I'm afraid I don't know what is;>

Finally, the man my mom left (I hesitate to use the term stepdad still, but he isn't officially an ex yet) seems to be a bit mentally challenged. One day, he is just upset about the situation and is trying to be somewhat civil and understanding about it all and the next day, he'll be stalking my mom and telling her he's going to do whatever he can to make her life hell. I don't know how someone can go from one of day to the next and completely change his approach like that. An example: He tells my mom that he wants her two dogs back or else he's going to tell the rental office how many there are so we'll get in trouble, if not evicted. The next day, he demands she take them back, and when she says she can't because he'll use it against her, he demands she bring dog food for them or else he's going to tie them to the railing outside our apartment the next morning (by the way, he has two dogs of his own, so there was no lack of dog food at the house). That was Friday; needless to say, my mom and I dropped off the food because we are not cruel to animals. Yesterday, he drops off bottled water, laundry detergent, and other supplies outside our door along with some flowers for my mom. I don't understand how his mind shifts from ruining her life one day to helping her out the next...it simply baffles me.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Quickie...

Just posting to say I will not be posting for a few days, I'm sure. Mom, boys, and I are moving tomorrow, and we'll probably take at least a few days to settle into the apartment. I did post tomorrow and Monday's shoe pics for The Foot Fetish since I wasn't sure I'd be able to put them up on the regular schedule. I've been trying to get ready for the move while watching the boys because J has been feverish for a few days, and I found out this morning that he has an infection in his left ear. So, we've got some medicine for him now, and hopefully, he'll be able to sleep tonight 'cause moving will be much easier without twin toddlers running about;>

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Doubt creeping into my mind...

Anyone remember the Sex and the City episode where Carrie finds out that Mr. Big has an ex-wife that he had 'wild' sex with (read: threesome). She was worried because she felt he would want someone to have 'wild' sex with and their sex had become 'sweet'. This sort of thing has been going through my mind a lot. NS and I have always had what I consider 'sweet' sex. We've never not been facing each other, and I've never had to do much for him to be aroused. The first time we were together, I began to offer some oral pleasure, but he stopped me and then started pleasing me again. The opportunity has never presented itself again. I wonder, because he is so incredibly sweet to me, if he feels that it is a demeaning act and doesn't want me to do it. Some women may thank their lucky stars to be with a guy that doesn't want it, but I'm not one of them. I'm all about equal participation in sex. I like to please as much as I like being pleased. Is it possible that his thoughts about oral sex are just closer to mine...don't need it, so don't care if it's done or not? I have never met a man that didn't want this, so it makes me a little paranoid. While I am, surprisingly, very satisfied with what we have, I fear that I may get used to being so selfish in bed and that it will cause problems down the road because he will want something more but won't think I'd be willing to do that something more. While the fact that everything is very sweet now could be good for the future since there's still plenty of experimentation to be done, I can't help but ponder if he would even be open to experimenting or if he would think that it's too disrespectful towards me and never bring it up or think less of me if I brought it up. I'm not even sure how to approach such a topic without him thinking that he's doing something wrong or that I'm not satisfied. I also wonder if such unselfishness on his part is just something that allows him to maintain control (of me or his emotions or both), which frightens me to no end based on my mom's past relationships, yet there is nothing else in his behavior patterns that lead me to this conclusion.

So, crazy doubts have been running rampant in my mind lately. I can't help but blame IFKAMH for some of this, my wondering what will it take for NS to walk away and to feel unsatisfied and will I recognize it before it's too late. I can't seem to shake the uncertainty I currently feel of whether or not I will ever be comfortable sharing my past with NS. Sadly, I think it is because he treats me so well and has always been so respectful that I feel this way, as if knowing those things about me will cast me in a different light and make him have doubts about me, but I like him so much because of those qualities and have to hold on to the hope that he feels a person's past doesn't mean they are less deserving of respect in the present...because I know that's true.

Monday, February 06, 2006

How do you make a living as an ugly stripper?

Last night, after boys and I went to dinner with mom and some of her co-workers, I went to a SuperBowl party that was hosted by a friend/co-worker of NS. It was pretty fun, although I was a couple hours late. There were some hard-core Steelers fans there, which was good since they won...so not what I would have predicted. The Steelers couple (Steeler-he and Steeler-she) were really loud and animated with their support of their team; Steeler-he was also incredibly drunk, so they were funny;> Wife of host (NS had already told me she was a "ho" when he told me who everyone was) made out with female friend of Steeler-she and then the two adjourned to bedroom with host for a SuperBowl of their own (although very short-lived, in my opinion). I guess some of you are starting to wonder how any of this relates to ugly strippers maintaining their incomes...

The chief in charge of these Navy guys decides they deserve to have a really good time and orders two private strippers to come to the apartment after the game is over. After the above makeout session began, the question "why order takeout when you've got food at home?" question was asked. Chief's response was "sometimes takeout is better than what you've got at home". Now, the irony;>

The strippers arrive late, and are by no means people that I would have believed to be strippers had I seem them on the street. When it was announced that the strippers were there and then they walked through the door, the gut reaction from me and the guys sitting in my corner was "disappointing". One girl was ugly and chunky (nothing particularly wrong with either quality, but not necessarily beneficial for her line of employment, I don't think), and the other one was ugly and older, I guess. She didn't really look "old" to me, but the guys were saying she looked old...too old to be a stripper at the very least. We didn't stick around for the show, but I'm dying to hear what has been said about the performance considering most of the commentary beforehand was that the chics at the party were way hotter than the strippers...and even turned to everyone at the party being better-looking than they were. Seems Chief may have been wrong about takeout being better than food at home;> Now, I'm just speculating about whether they ever get any repeat business or if they are ever specifically requested NOT to be the strippers that arrive next time...hmmm.

That must've gone as well as I thought;>

I had a phone interview this afternoon for the instructional designer/tech writer position I applied for last week. Basically, it is someone that writes training manuals and other training materials for the company. I did some of this type of work with my former position in FL, so I have some experience and surely wouldn't mind doing that full-time. They said that the next step would be a face-to-face interview and that the scheduler would call me in a few days to a week one way or the other. Well, I got a call from her less than an hour later to schedule my in-person interview...think they liked me a little bit? So, next week at the same time, I meet with the hiring manager and three other individuals for 3 separate, 30-minute interviews and for a writing exercise...and I have to bring a writing sample as well, so I'll be hitting up my old co-workers to dig up some of the stuff I did down there;> I'm fairly certain this job will pay at least the minimum salary I've been looking for, and I've heard nothing but the best remarks about this company, so this must be the job that was the reason Verizon didn't work out...wish me luck;>

Friday, February 03, 2006

Job-hunting in full force, and the other stuff...

I've spent several hours during several days this week polishing my resume (again...it's been a couple months, afterall;>) and scouring monster and careerbuilder for possible jobs. I found three prospects via monster (and I think someone may have found me as well). One is a Help Desk Support rep, another was a receptionist/admin job with family services (pay is just right), and the other was for a tech writer, which is someone that writes the training materials. I actually got a call this morning to schedule a phone interview for the tech writer job...so, I will interview for that on Monday @ 2;> I'm not sure if it pays what I'm looking for, but the company is supposed to one of the better ones to work for in this area, and it is a job I know I can do. I've written many training materials with my previous job;>

I applied for five other jobs I found on careerbuilder. A few administrative-type jobs, a customer service position performing background screening for companies, and another help desk support rep. The last bout I had with careerbuilder jobs produced no results, so I guess we'll see if this round goes any better.

I also spent a couple hours last night looking for financing to fund my college degree. If you ever need to look for scholarships, check out FastWeb. It is free and gives good results from what I could tell last night. Now, I've just got to determine which online school will work the best for me. University of Phoenix seems good enough, but the program at Capella University seems very detailed and thorough, but then again, I believe the price tag for that one is more than double that of the other school, even though that one isn't by any means cheap.

Other than that, the biggest news is that mom, M, J, and I are moving next week. It's only going to be a 2-bedroom apartment, but we can manage for however long (at most 6 months) we need to. She's very excited about this, so I'm sure this is the right thing for her to do.