Friday, December 08, 2006

Now he knows I know he knows...

As much a relief as that morning was, there was even more relief to be had that evening.

Stretched out on the bed next to NS, watching t.v., he also perusing the internet, he shifts his position slightly, the laptop screen no longer directly included in my vision although still part of the peripheral*. What I see from the corner of my eye is this very site.

I've known for months (and I mean months as in, let's say, since April kind of months...again because of peripheral vision as I passed behind him while he was using my computer one afternoon) that he knew I had a blog of my very own and wasn't just a reader of others' blogs, but I never knew if he ever read it again after his initial discovery.

Why would I be relieved that he does read it? Why would I try to casually let him know that it is fine that he reads it? Because I have learned to accept that I express myself better in written form. More of my true feelings are exposed and are better communicated when they are written (or typed, as the case may be) than if I try to verbalize them. I always forget things when I try to say them. I can't very well walk around with queue cards for life's conversations...can I? Anyway, last week when I posted about that Redbook article on love codes, I started wondering if he really knows how I feel about him. Does he recognize any simple, subtle things as gestures of my affection and fondness for him? It dawned on me that most of the talks about our future seem to involve my listening and agreeing without much actual contribution; at least, it seems that way to me when I think back to them, which makes me wonder if he truly understands how much I do want to be part of that future. So, basically, if he reads what I've written about him here, then he should know, recognize, and understand all of that. At least, I'll have to hope so;>

*He insisted the shift was not to prevent me from seeing the screen, though. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but the timing was rather coincidental.


Eunice said...

sometimes it's nice to know that the people you care about are reading your thoughts about them.

Jonathan said...

I have managed to avoid this whole situation by writing for my own reasons, and not really caring who reads it.

I am fairly careful to now write anything about other people that i know though. I learned this the hard way.

Jonathan said...

Oops.... "not" write anything about people I know. lol

Mommy off the Record said...

My husband only just started reading my blog in the last 2 or 3 months, but I was happy when he did. I agree that it's often easier to express emotions through writing and I know my husband has appreciated the times I've posted nice things about him.