Tuesday, October 24, 2006

A sad time for a mommy...

I'm not a very proud mama right now; in fact, I'm quite sad and disappointed. My usually sweet M has been biting other kids at his daycare. Three days in a row now, all different children. Two bites were hard enough to leave marks; today's was caught in time to prevent the mark, which does nothing to ease my overwhelming concern about this new behavior. I've been advised that if he leaves another mark, then I'll be called to pick him up, after which he'll have to remain out for at least the remainder of the day and up to a week, depending on the director's determination of severity.

He has apparently decided that he no longer wants to share toys since that has been the trigger for each of the episodes. I will have to try to find out what phrases are used for sharing to see if it is similar to what he's always heard about sharing with J. I remember reading some tips on sharing before the issue ever came up for them, and one of those was to not expect the word "share" to do the trick. That's a dirty word in the mind of a selfish toddler since they easily associate it with giving up their toys to some other kid. Instead, the advice is to encourage "taking turns" and actually make sure that the child gets his turn. So, that is what I have done, and it has worked really well. I give the child ample time to enjoy the toy and then tell him to give the other one a turn. Even if he complains about it, he will give the kid a turn and wait for his next turn...as long as he is told he will get one. For some things, we've even counted, like counting to 10 and then switching and then repeating that pattern. I was nearly crying yesterday when I picked them up and was told about his biting yet again. I just didn't know what I was going to do and couldn't understand why he has started doing this at daycare; even when he was miserably tired and unwilling to share at Popeye's birthday party on Saturday, he never gave a single indication that he was going to bite to defend his claim to the toy, which is what makes me think that maybe it is the approach to sharing that is used at daycare that is frustrating him right now.

Regardless of the reason and despite the fact it is "normal" for his age, I am ashamed of this unacceptable behavior and bought a book called, Teeth Are Not for Biting. We'll read it tonight, and hopefully, it will be the miracle cure that it was for some of the others that reviewed it on Amazon.

I've also ordered the other books in that series: Hands Are Not for Hitting and Feet Are Not for Kicking, because they have both done these things on occasion, as well as Words Are Not for Hurting, which will hopefully be a preemptive strike against some future incidents of name-calling;>

1 comment:

Skyqueen said...

Ohh that's a tough one. I don't remember if I ever did that or not. I can see where you would be upset. Parenting is rough. Sorry I can't give any words of wisdom.

Hope it woks out. All I knew from childhood was

"Butt's are for SPANKING" ohhh not so funny, sorry!