Thursday, August 17, 2006


So, I'm in the process of moving to a new apartment. Movers that packed all my stuff up from my house in FL brought that to the new apartment last Saturday. Holy crap, I have too much crap! But, since I've been without the stuff for over a year, a lot of it I can easily look at and say I no longer want, so I have a had a good time downsizing;>

NS helped move some boxes and small stuff from the old apartment on Sunday. There's still some big stuff there, like my t.v. and the boys' dresser, and that will get moved over this weekend. NS was also supposed to move in this weekend, but that may not be able to be officially done yet. As it turns out, his landlords require not only a 60-day notice to terminate the lease (pretty standard as that is what my old lease had and is what the new one has, too), but their lease also has an automatic renewal if you don't provide the 60-day notice prior to the end of the lease. There are a few options for getting around this, but all but one of those will involve him having to at least financially live there for a couple months at least. The one that doesn't involve that would be breaking my new lease and moving there instead of him moving here. Not the worst thing that could happen since they rent an actual house, but good gracious the traffic every workday would bug me, and we'd be living with a third adult. Since NS and the other roommate that are actually on that lease are on duty today, they won't be able to talk to the landlords about alternatives to having to pay for another year until tomorrow.

The new apartment is pretty good, with the major exception of the size of the master bedroom. I have never known a master bedroom to be so tiny. I didn't even feel comfortable bringing in either my long dresser or the armoir because of the space confinement. NS insists he is going to need something with drawers for his clothes. I'm going to store all but my maternity clothes since I won't need any non-maternity ones until, at best, February, and then I'll just hang most everything else of mine. It's going to be especially fun once the baby is born and has to share our room, too...I may not physically be able to leave the bedroom after that;>

Also, it is quite odd that usually the complaint with new showers is that there is too little water pressure...not the case here. The damn thing is like a fire hose. It is actually scary-sounding to hear it turn on and does hurt once you're in it. NS laughed at me when I told him about it last night (because I'm gettng a trim for my hair today in hopes that the dead ends are why it was too tangled to comb through yesterday and not that the shower is so strong that it ties my hair into knots), but when he took a shower this morning, he found out that I was not exaggerating...he told me before he left for work that my shower is out of control and that it kinda hurts. I definitely agree with that last part, which is why I try to avoid direct contact with the water until I need it for wetting or rinsing. I'm going to grab the massage shower head from the old apartment tonight and pray I can figure out how to connect it so I can at least pretend that it was the haircut that made my hair manageable again;>

One problem with the downsizing of stuff I haven't yet figured out is pictures, my wedding pictures in particular. I enjoyed my wedding and it was a happy day at the time, but there are three albums filled with pictures that I don't know if I really want to keep all of. I'm also struggling with how much memorabilia of IFKAMH I want to keep around. While I have no desire to keep any of it, I wonder if my boys will want it. I don't think IFKAMH is really going to pull off the involved parent role he says he wants to have in their lives, and I honestly don't want him to try anymore. M and J were and are still too young to understand what happened or to remember who he is. IFKAMH is not "daddy" to them, NS is. I fear that his trying to salvage a relationship now would just confuse the hell out of them and be too difficult for them to cope with, especially when I think of how he is so unlikely to carry through with any type of regular involvement and still seems to operate more on selfish motivation than anything else. He can't even remember or bother to call once a week (if it was me, I would be sure to call everyday, at least to say good night and that I love them, but maybe that's too much to expect him to think about). The last two times he has called to speak to them (neither of which I was actually able to answer) were following conversations I'd had with his mom about how little he actually calls to talk to them. I wish she would stop pushing or guilting him, but I can understand how disappointing it must be for her to see her only child become such an asshole that he can't bother to be a good father figure for his children...any of them. Now, I don't know for a fact that she is the reason his calls came when they did, but it is a very remarkable conincidence that one call I had with her in which I told her he hadn't called to speak with them in at least three weeks, probably longer, was followed by a call from him a few days later to tell the boys good night and that another call with her in which I told her he had called that one time although the boys had been in the bath at the time and were then put to bed before I even knew he'd called was then followed a couple hours later by another call from him to say hi to the boys (at my grandmother's house that time, so didn't get to answer). That was the last time he called, which was 10 days ago. I haven't had a long enough conversation with his mom since then for her to ask if he's called, so I kind of think that is the reason I haven't heard from him. All of that is why I don't really know what I should keep in memory of him (pictures mostly because I'm not keeping other stuff of his; I'm not his personal storage unit). If he demonstrated that he would seriously be involved with their lives, then I would be more inclined to keep stuff for them to have, but I'm afraid to get rid of almost everything that ties him to me for fear that they will think I want to erase that part of my life, the part that brought them to me, since that couldn't be further from the truth. I am just much less sentimental as I get older, meaning I don't feel the need to keep stuff in order to keep my memories alive. There are a few things I have kept, like the hospital bracelets my boys had when they were born and the first maternity outfit I bought as well as the one that I went to the hospital in, although I may not keept those outfits since I have pictures of them and I hope not to need the size clothes that I wore to the hospital then this time around. I have also kept their first birthday cards as well as the card I received at my shower for them. I like having the milestone markers (which is why I still plan to keep at least some of my wedding pictures) rather than just random stuff related to random memories, like vacations.

Anyway, I think this is now way past long, and I've rambled enough. Hope everyone's been doing well;>


GA girl said...

Keep pics of him for them.. They may never want them, but at least you'll be able to offer it to them. I'd get one file box from office dep[ot and fill it. Anything that doesn't fit in that one box, doesn't get kept. Them on Father's day, and R's B-Day you can take it down and go through it with them and remind them of their biological father.

Dr.Jeeeol said...

On line you can get a time capsule for $20. Give it to the boys on their 18th bday or when they get married....

general said...

Definitly keep some of the stuff. Your boys may want it. I agree with GA girl.

One box filled. Anything else, toss you.

You can't keep it all.

The time capsule is an interesting idea?

Michele in Michigan said...

I would definitely keep all of the wedding pics. I had to go through this too. My DD was just 8 months old when her dad moved out. We divorced when she was 13 months old.

You can't erase your past (I know you aren't trying to). But the kids will WANT to see pictures of you guys together, when you were kids, during your dating years etc. I eventually got rid of all the cards (my kids just don't care LOL). I kept a couple of their outfits, but none of my maternity stuff. I also kept a tiny pair of DD's dad's first cowboy boots (but, again, she could care less so I gave them back to him--DD is now 19yo)

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

Thanks, y'all. I had figured I'd keep any pictures of us from the wedding and while I was pregnant or after the babies were born, but I guess I'll keep some others, too.

michelle in michigan - Thank you, especially. It really helps to have the perspective of someone that has gotten past this same situation.