Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Doubt creeping into my mind...

Anyone remember the Sex and the City episode where Carrie finds out that Mr. Big has an ex-wife that he had 'wild' sex with (read: threesome). She was worried because she felt he would want someone to have 'wild' sex with and their sex had become 'sweet'. This sort of thing has been going through my mind a lot. NS and I have always had what I consider 'sweet' sex. We've never not been facing each other, and I've never had to do much for him to be aroused. The first time we were together, I began to offer some oral pleasure, but he stopped me and then started pleasing me again. The opportunity has never presented itself again. I wonder, because he is so incredibly sweet to me, if he feels that it is a demeaning act and doesn't want me to do it. Some women may thank their lucky stars to be with a guy that doesn't want it, but I'm not one of them. I'm all about equal participation in sex. I like to please as much as I like being pleased. Is it possible that his thoughts about oral sex are just closer to mine...don't need it, so don't care if it's done or not? I have never met a man that didn't want this, so it makes me a little paranoid. While I am, surprisingly, very satisfied with what we have, I fear that I may get used to being so selfish in bed and that it will cause problems down the road because he will want something more but won't think I'd be willing to do that something more. While the fact that everything is very sweet now could be good for the future since there's still plenty of experimentation to be done, I can't help but ponder if he would even be open to experimenting or if he would think that it's too disrespectful towards me and never bring it up or think less of me if I brought it up. I'm not even sure how to approach such a topic without him thinking that he's doing something wrong or that I'm not satisfied. I also wonder if such unselfishness on his part is just something that allows him to maintain control (of me or his emotions or both), which frightens me to no end based on my mom's past relationships, yet there is nothing else in his behavior patterns that lead me to this conclusion.

So, crazy doubts have been running rampant in my mind lately. I can't help but blame IFKAMH for some of this, my wondering what will it take for NS to walk away and to feel unsatisfied and will I recognize it before it's too late. I can't seem to shake the uncertainty I currently feel of whether or not I will ever be comfortable sharing my past with NS. Sadly, I think it is because he treats me so well and has always been so respectful that I feel this way, as if knowing those things about me will cast me in a different light and make him have doubts about me, but I like him so much because of those qualities and have to hold on to the hope that he feels a person's past doesn't mean they are less deserving of respect in the present...because I know that's true.

5 comments:

Skyqueen said...

"Nobody marries the Up the Butt Girl, you never see a Mrs. Up the Butt" Sorry, I JUST LOVE THAT LINE. I'm a HUGE sex in the city fan.

All I can say is maybe he stopped you b/c he didn't want you to...ummmm ya know, get him TOO excited before the big show. That's all I could think when you said you started and then he stopped you.

Girl you gotta get NASTY on his ass. Just break it out one night and see how he reacts. Ya gotta yell, SPANK MY ASS, and EWWWWW I KNOW YOU LIKE IT!!

J/K

I don't know what to tell you. Just don't think about it so much. If it gets to you maybe just come (hee hee) right out w/ "What gives, you don't like BJ's??" and see what he says.

That's the best I got for ya.

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

I thought about the "too excited" angle as well, but I just feel incredibly weird being on the receiving end of all the action;>

I'm not aggressive when it comes to sex, but I take suggestions very well...I'm gonna have to get quite forceful in order to change the sweet pattern we've got going on now, although I don't really need to change it at the moment (my mind is just over-active nowadays).

I may have to just come (hee hee) right out and ask him sometime. I already had to comment on his silence during climax because if I can't feel it (damn condoms), then I at least need to hear it;>

Anonymous said...

My husband doesn't like them either - never has. I mean, he'll take them if I offer, but that was only after a long while and it's never something he asks for.

Anonymous said...

Nobody marries the "up the butt girl" but that's who the men always go to when they cheat on their sweet, boring wives.

The Big Cheese said...

Well let me just say, Ask him. You are a grown woman. If you are having sex with him you should be able to talk about it.