Friday, October 28, 2005

The men update...

So, Danielle was wondering about the men update, which was lacking in my last post...

Navy guy is out of the picture. He seemed kind of boring in our email exchanges and then freaked me out by suggesting that I meet him for the first time and bring my boys since I didn't have a sitter. He obviously doesn't understand the concept of not introducing every guy I meet or date to my children...that would so confuse them since their daddy disappeared into thin air. For now, my rule is six months before any guy gets to meet my children...and that may change if I don't think the relationship is going to last much longer than that. So, I never responded to his invitation and haven't heard from him since.

Airforce drummer has been missing from the past several posts...with good reason. The last time we went out, I found out he had been less than truthful about something that is very important to me. He apparently likes to smoke (cigarettes and cigars) occasionally, which was not quite what was on his Yahoo profile since that said he doesn't smoke. Here's how it happened...

I was standing at the bar, he and his friend were behind me talking. He leans to my ear and asks if this will bother me...he is holding a cigarette in his hand. I didn't say a word, but I'm guessing my eyes said that it would bother me very much and how dare he ask such an asinine question since he promptly said that he was wrong to ask and handed the cigarette back to his friend. Later on that night, his friend, now even more drunk, tries to offer him his cigarette. Airforce drummer turns him down and then says to me, "Aren't you proud of me? You know I wanted to."

No, I wasn't proud of him. The bottom line is that IFKAMH did the same thing. Our first fight was over him smoking when he told me he wouldn't. I was not a good enough reason for him not to smoke as it turned out because he continued to do it behind my back and lie to me about it for years. I emailed Airforce drummer and explained that smoking is a non-negotiable issue for me and that I couldn't be the reason someone didn't do something they wanted to do...again. He responded that he understood and that it's only something he does when he goes out to bars, which is rare (funny that is where we were two out of three dates). And that was it...no more Airforce drummer.

Now, Mr. Sexy and I are trying to coordinate schedules to meet up again. He called yesterday morning to let me know that he may have to work this weekend because it is the weekend before Halloween and there are a lot of events that the paper he is working for may need him to be there for but that he would try to come down sometime during the week if that was the case...because he would love to see me soon.

Not much excitement, but that is the latest...other than I have 60+ messages in my Yahoo Personals mailbox that I've got to get through;>

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I may be cut out for this afterall...

Well, I sold two ads Monday and one yesterday (all the most expensive one we offer)...of course, I didn't sell any today since I could have actually gotten a few dollars in cash for it;> But, since my three ads sold this week total over $1500, I get a free 25-30 lb turkey right before Thanksgiving! I don't even think my mom and her husband are hosting Thanksgiving. I think one of his sisters is...hopefully, she'll appreciate my contribution (or maybe we'll save the turkey for another time).

Even better news, step-dad changed his mind about my moving out. He apologized and got all teary-eyed Monday night after dinner...saying that he's just sweatin' the small stuff too much and will try to do better because he doesn't think it's wise for me to throw money away renting if I don't really have to.

And best news of all...my lawyer's assistant finally started answering her calls again and working on my divorce again. When I talked to her yesterday, she had lost IFKAMH's financial worksheet. It was like pulling teeth to get him to fill it out in the first place, so the fact that she lost this document out of everything really concerned me...but as of today, she has FOUND IT!!!! So, the divorce is back on track and all papers should be able to be signed by the end of the week and into the courts next week...woo-hoo!!

See, I only took 3 days to post again instead of five;>

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Sorry, y'all...

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted...it's taking a little more adjustment than I thought to get used to working full-time again.

The job's going alright. I haven't sold any ads...yet;> I have a few callbacks to make tomorrow, so let's cross our fingers that someone will take the bait.

I am seriously pissed at my attorney's paralegal. Because IFKAMH makes more money than what I originally thought, he has to sign a new agreement with a higher child support amount. This new agreement was supposed to have been done on Monday, and Tuesday by noon, and Wednesday, and Thursday...you get the picture. I still haven't seen it, and it still has yet to be signed. Everything better be done tomorrow morning, or I will be raising hell as much as I can because the longer she drags her feet, the longer I have to wait to sell my FL house.

I just found out tonight that my mom's husband is getting tired of having me and the boys living in his house, so I may be apartment hunting soon, which sucks because I will probably have to sign at least a 7 month lease, which means that's more time I have to wait to own something here. Needless to say, she is supremely mad, but she is still job hunting herself and needs him financially. I could sense that he was not really happy about us being here still because he has been more moody lately and more knitpicky about little anal-rententive stuff...some stuff that wasn't even true, like that I don't ever wash dishes when I generally wash dishes at least once a day if my boys or I have eaten at the house (the only time I don't clean up dishes after their meals is after dinner because my mom has told me repeatedly not to since I have to get the boys ready for bed). So, while I'm excited about being able to have a place of my own, I wish I knew for certain that I could wait until my house was sold or that I could at least wait until after my training period with the new job is over because the training pay sucks!

Mr. Sexy and I talked again Thursday morning...if I thought my commute in FL was bad at an hour and 10-15 minutes, he's got it worse. His trip in the morning is about the same, but his trip home takes anywhere from an hour and half to two hours, but he said he doesn't mind it right now because he's really excited about the job...and he does sound pretty enthused about it. I still say they had better be paying him a nice base salary for that kind of driving;> So, it looks as though we are looking at weekends only as far as availability goes for us to see each other.

That's the latest...I'll try not to make it too long between posts again;>

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

How sweet...

And this would be why I am fairly secure (not completely, but I'm trying not to let another man's mistakes ruin the possibility that this one is a truly good guy) in trusting my initial instincts about Mr. Sexy...

I get a call at about 8 am this morning. He was telling me how he had a long day yesterday and didn't get a chance to get online to check email (I know the part about not checking email to be true) and that he figured he really needed to give me a call to let me know he was thinking about me. He even told me to have a good day.

How can such a sexy man be so cute at the same time? ;>

Monday, October 17, 2005

New job...

I started training today for a new job. The benefits are awesome, but I'm not sure yet if the pay is going to be good enough on a consistent basis to make it work for me. It is a telemarketing job...selling ads to businesses. Since my lovely anonymous commenters seem to think I'm a great saleswoman...maybe it'll work just as well on the phone as it does online and in person;> That's the update for now.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

OMG

Mr. Sexy and I made plans to go to Busch Gardens last night for Howl-O-Scream. We agreed just to call each other when we got there and then meet to go inside the park. Well, about four cars in front of me left to go through the gate to park, and I see a woman handing yellow pieces of paper to people and pointing past the gate...I'm thinking, "Great! They're going to do free parking since it's after 6pm."

Yeah...I was WRONG. She was handing the papers to people because the parking lots were full and everyone was being asked to turn around until people left. Guess it's just a good thing that neither one of us had made it in yet...a very good thing;>

So, we needed a plan B. We decide to grab some dinner since I was starving. We drove together and ate at a little pizza place. He drank sweet tea, which is apparently a dangerous thing for him...gives him a ton of energy to burn (as you will be able to tell later). He is a remarkable combination of cute boy and sexy man. He laughs at the silliest things (which I have been known to do as well) and then turns around and tells me how he had nearly given up hope of someone like me existing...someone cute, sweet, and well-mannered with a wild, adventurous streak.

After dinner, we decide to try to find a park or something to walk around. I start driving to where I could have sworn there was a place to get out and walk along the river, but one of the roads was closed, and I think that was probably where I was trying to get to. As I'm driving aimlessly, he decides to test my concentration skills;> I passed with flying colors...no accident, no leaving the road (or even my lane), obeyed all traffic signs, and used my turn signals every time.

I get really, really, really tired of driving, so we pull into a parking lot that seemed dimly lit and pretty empty and was a good distance from any main roads. My oh-so-severe penetration withdrawl has finally been relieved;>

I seem to have found Superman. The first session was rather lengthy, but mighty enjoyable...I was relieved six times to his one. Then, there was another session...and another...and another...all within minutes of the last and bringing another dose of relief from my horrid withdrawl. Apparently sweet tea and me are a terrific combination for him...four times in a row is not something too many men can claim as an accomplishment;>

His purpose of the evening was to spoil me, which he absolutely did...and I'm so glad I didn't try to wait it out another date or longer.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

So willing to give as easily as he receives...

Mr. Sexy has yet to disappoint me...and actually impresses me instead.

The picture exchanges via email have continued during our time apart. He had a number of requests for me, so I made one of my own, which he readily gave to me. Since then, I have made one other specific request, which he had to me within an hour, and another request for something creative in return...boy, did he come through;> I think his eagerness to give as much as he receives is why I have felt so unusually comfortable sharing pics with him that I would never have thought to take, let alone show anyone. Unfortunately, it hasn't stopped the doubt that pops in my head every so often as to why he is like this...guess that isn't going to go away anytime soon, though, based on my numerous disappointing experiences with men being selfish pricks;>

So happy to not be someone that is easily offended...

I was surprised and rather pleased to see positive anonymous comments on some of the more heatedly debated posts on here recently.

After the two negative anonymous comments, I was given the suggestion to remove the anonymous ability for a little while...I decided against this since things like that don't really bother me (I just couldn't understand the reason for those comments...and, quite honestly, still don't). Since I saw the recent anonymous comments, I feel very happy not to be easily offended because I would have missed out on those comments otherwise;>

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Such negativity for online dating;>

It seems to me that there is a very negative opinion about online dating. In case anyone wasn't quite aware of this: People lie just as easily in person as they do online...please read some old posts of my blog to get a clear understanding of how someone you've know for years can just lie through his teeth to tell you what you want to hear.

So, whether the information I have about these guys is true or not, I have a lot more of it from finding them online than I would from finding them somewhere else...like at a bar, club, grocery store, church, or wherever.

Just because I meet someone in person versus online doesn't mean he isn't going to lie to me about his relationship status or what he does for a living or whether or not he has children and what his interests are and what he's looking for in a woman, etc. As far as I'm concerned, the information I have on these guys by finding them online puts me at least 2-3 dates ahead of meeting someone in person and then trying to get to know these things about him.

I guess I just don't really understand the stigma of online dating. There are people there just looking for sex (even some that are married) and there are those that want the complete opposite and are looking for a partner in life. I feel I'm somewhere in between the two right now. I know people that have married people they met online through dating services, and I know others that have gotten some really great sex stories to tell from the same thing. I don't really see how this is different from any other dating situation.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

See...I am a quick learner

Not only did I not leave my comfort zone with Mr. Sexy, I went out with Airforce drummer on Friday night and didn't give him anything more than a kiss.

I am quite surprised that there were such judgemental comments on my too nice post. I thought the post was pretty clear that I didn't like what happened that night and was sorting through my feelings and trying to figure out how to prevent this from happening again. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who hasn't had my same experiences cannot know why I make the decisions I do nor begin to understand the thought process that I go through concerning sex...and therefore should save judgemental comments for their own benefit because they will not benefit me. I know there are people in this world that have no problem saying no; I am not one of those people, and that has a great deal to do with how I was introduced to sexual behavior.

I will not dare to provide the details because I just don't feel I need to, but let me just warn anyone else that wants to judge my sex life. I was educated on certain sexual behaviors by my mom's second husband...a man that adopted me as his daughter. He is the man that was present the most in my life and is who I consider to be my dad. This began when I was 7 and ended when they split up...probably over a year later. While the things that happened to me pale in comparison to things that others have gone through, it doesn't mean I wasn't affected. It taught me that I was viewed as an object to be used for fulfillment of sexual desires. This was the wrong lesson to learn at the age of 7...when I didn't even have a full understanding of what sex was.

So, those events are very likely the reason I became promiscuous as a teenager and never bothered to resist my sexual desire. If the opportunity was there and I felt the attraction, I acted on it. The one time I felt I didn't want to and bothered to tell the guy as much, it didn't do a damn bit of good. This seemed to have planted some weird idea in my head that I only had two choices: say "no" and be forced to do it anyhow or go along with it and just feel like I had been coerced.

Perhaps those of you that were ready to judge me because I gave a guy a blow job that I didn't want to give will think about your first sexual experiences and when they happened and whether or not anyone ever ignored your objections to sex. I'd be willing to bet that they were very different from mine.

Sometimes things have to go opposite to the way we want for us to learn how to react in the way we want. I am starting to prove to myself that I can successfully set some boundaries...even with the same guy that I was so "easy" with last time. It is all a learning process, and I am a quick learner;>

And for anyone that truly believes that a guy won't want to keep you around for more than just sex if you have sex too soon, please remember this:
When I asked IFKAMH why he continued seeing me and wanted to have a relationship with me if he didn't believe he was "in love" with me, his simple response was "sex". I had this man flying from Florida to Virginia at least once a month for probably five months, leave his family and friends in southwest FL to move to central FL to be near me, marry me after over two years of being together, and stay married for close to five years before he decided this wasn't what he wanted...all because I had sex with him on our first date;>

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Yeah, I still want him

The meeting with Mr. Sexy on Thursday went very well. I almost thought it wasn't going to happen, though.

He had emailed me that morning to let me know he would call between 11am and noon when he was heading in my direction. 12:30pm came, and I still hadn't heard a word from him, so I sent a text to his phone..."running late?" I decided to leave the house since I'm all dressed and ready to go somewhere and go to the mall to walk around. While I'm there, I give GA Girl a call...I needed to tell someone how thoroughly confused by this I was. Why would someone so eager to meet me as of that morning be delaying our meeting or blowing me off? While I was talking with her, though, he called.

He has been in a three-week interview process with a company that he really wants to work with because the job is one that he won't find again anytime soon. The meeting with these people took longer than he thought, which was the reason he was running late and didn't call. We agreed to meet at a Mexican restaurant for lunch since neither of us had eaten.

We arrived within seconds of each other (he was there first...fast driver;>). He is just as cute and sexy in person as his pictures are...and he said he thought the same about me (well, actually he said I was better in person). We had a great lunch...he speaks Spanish, which he used to order our food and speak with the staff. The conversation was great, and I just can't help but feel he is not at all like IFKAMH or the Airforce guy...not selfish. I just hope that feeling isn't wrong.

So, we decide to drive out to a local beach. It could only have been more perfect if there weren't gnats gnawing at us and if there hadn't been this guy hoping to get a peep show (although we only figured out that was what he was doing when we left). The area we went to was basically empty...not so far away from other people that they couldn't have heard me scream for help, but far enough that we felt alone. The waves were crashing on the rocks, which was such a relaxing and romantic sound. He was a gentleman and didn't try to coerce me into anything more than what I was comfortable doing. I did have to move his hand a couple times in other directions, but he didn't try to force the issue or try to pursue it again and didn't say anything at all about it (things I would have expected to hear: "come on", "why not?", "you know you want to", etc). I did get to experience a couple of things he wrote about, so I can only imagine how well he must be able to do the rest of it. We had such a nice time together that we completely underestimated how long we had been enjoying each other. What we thought had been 30, maybe 45 minutes was really like an hour and a half;>

Overall, we clicked just as well in person as we had in writing, and some really good news...he's 30, not 25 (big sigh of relief on my part). And best of all, even though he would have liked more physical contact with me (still the unselfish kind...his pleasing me instead of the other way around), I managed to hold my ground, and he still went home with a grin from ear to ear. I learn quickly;>

And on a side note...I have come to the conclusion that I appear to be Spanish, at least partially. When I lived in FL, where the Hispanic population is prominent and growing, I often encountered people who could speak English but thought I would understand the Spanish for some reason. One of the first questions asked by both Airforce drummer and Mr. Sexy upon meeting me in person was if I had any Spanish heritage. I will take this as a great compliment since I think Spanish women tend to be beautiful...remember #1 on my list of lady-loves?

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Alright...you sort of talked me into it;>

I will show you the drummer's ass, but only his. I didn't ask for his pic, and he seems to be damn proud of the thing (as well as his partial erection, I guess), so he probably won't mind sharing. Sorry, but no Mr. Sexy;>

It's going to be an interesting day...

So, I got the @ss pic of Airforce drummer...I suppose as his way to entice me. And now, I have one of Mr. Sexy;>

At least he waited until I asked...trust me, it was a more than fair request.

He's got to be kidding...

I received the below email from Airforce drummer this morning (and yes, I had a voicemail that he left about 45 minutes ago)...

{Woo Woo}, I left a voice mail...are you mad at me? I didn't hear from you
Sunday
: / definitely want to see you soon...what are you doing Thur night?
I'm
working at the OClub tonight...please give me a call; xxx-xxxx

hope you have a great day!! : )


Does he seriously think I believe this crap? I responded that I'm not mad (and I'm not, I think it is a blessing he shows his true colors so early on;>)...just thought he was supposed to call me...and that I'm having dinner with my mom and the boys tomorrow night. He replies back that it stinks we were waiting for each other to call and wants me to call in case my plans for tomorrow change. This time a pic is included...of his naked backside with some erection visible...he has got to be kidding himself to think that I find this the least bit appealing. I just had to laugh when I saw the pic.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

How much should we censor...or should we?

I have been thinking about this quite a bit lately...wondering how I want to handle things with my boys as they get older. And this post on jomama's blog made me decide to blog about it.

How much information should be kept from children? Isn't it better for them to have the information and process it and discuss it and realize that life isn't perfect than to feel misunderstood and alone? Why are books banned from school libraries? Who the hell cares what they're reading? If they find something that interests them...doesn't it only serve to help them use their imaginations to fill in the pictures and really see what their minds are capable of and maybe even help them find a possible outlet to use for expression?

I struggle with this when it comes to movies and t.v., too. Wouldn't it be better if I don't try so hard to limit what they see (which never seems to work) but rather approach it with the attitude that I will explain anything they don't understand or what isn't acceptable behavior? I see an ad nearly everyday about using the v-chip or parental controls for blocking certain channels or program ratings from viewing without a passcode, and all I can think is how that is such a lousy way to parent.

Whew...what a relief

I've never in my life been happy to have my period...until now. So, I can rest assured that Mr. Sexy won't be able to get very far with me on Thursday;> This and not shaving are my sure-fire ways to prevent a guy from touching me no matter how sexy or charming he is. Yippee!!

Now I just hope we have as much chemistry in person as we do online.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Now, on to more appealing prospects...

Mr. Sexy and I will not have to wait 'til this weekend after all. I found out that my mom and her husband will be out of town this weekend visiting his daughter at college, so that really put a damper on our meeting plans. When I told him that I was no longer available this weekend, I asked if he would be available during the week and said if not, then we would have to push it back another week.

So, last night we agreed to meet on Thursday...during the day. We may be doing some sort of beach meeting, either the one close to me or the one that's more fun.

Now, I've done a decent job of playing a little hard-to-get with him online...but I wonder how I'll hold up in person under pressure. I'm hoping that the daytime setting will help deter me in some way. Just in case it doesn't, y'all need to help me come up with some kind of chant to repeat in my head to prevent myself from jumping on this guy before I know more about him...because I have this idea in my head that his eagerness to do whatever I want, whenever I want (he will adjust his schedule to me kind of stuff) is coming from his belief that he's got a sure thing, not that he is genuinely eager to get to know me better as a person, and I really need for that not to be true because that (my mostly sub-conscious belief that sex is all I have to offer in order to attract men) is pretty much the root of a lot of my "issues". Since he was voted the one with the "least creepy vibe" of the three I posted pics for, I'm going to hold onto hope that he's really a nice guy that just acts cocky online;>

Strike Three...he's OUT

As if Friday's ending wasn't bad enough.

Background on this part: Airforce drummer had originally wanted to make plans for us to go to his friend's surprise birthday party on Saturday. This event was mentioned on Thursday as our possible "get together" for the weekend. Friday he was wondering about what I was doing that night, which since I didn't have plans, we went out...and the prior scene was what transpired. Nothing was mentioned again about Saturday's birthday party invite...

He calls me and leaves a message Saturday morning saying that he hoped I had fun the night before and that I got home safely (which was another thing that bothered me...why didn't he ask that I call him to make sure I got home safely from his house?). I returned the call and left him a message saying that I did have fun (and I did, until the end) and that I got home around 1:30am.

He calls me on Sunday morning...another message (because he only has my cell number which doesn't get much reception in the house) saying that he would like to get together again soon. I return the call later in the afternoon, around 3pm. He answers and tells me about the previous day and how he was busy helping set up for the surprise party and how the guy had a great time and he got home early, around 10 pm, because he was still tired from our excitement on Friday. He mentions getting together later after he gets home from the beach since he'd like to see me again before he has to go back to work for the week (I'm sure he would;>). I said that sounded fine. He agreed to call me when he got home...probably a couple of hours.

I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM SINCE THEN.

So, unless he was in some sort of horrible accident on the way home or died there on the beach...this bachelor is out of the game.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Maybe it's genetic...

Most of y'all that have been readin' this for a while know that I LOVE shoes. Well, I'm starting to think it may be genetic. My little man, J, seems to be more and more interested in shoes all the time...unfortunately, the shoes he has access to are mine;> When I was picking out an outfit to wear on Wednesday to meet Airforce drummer, he was positively determined to get his feet in my heels and be able to stand up (which he managed to do with my assistance). A toddler in heels is kind of a scary thought for more than one reason; let's pray that it doesn't continue. His latest adventure was walking around in my slippers yesterday, even though they were on the wrong feet. Guess I'll see if this interest in shoes because as significant as mine as he gets older. Then, I'll be able to determine if I have created a monster;>