Thursday, July 28, 2005

Stuff Portrait Friday...Where I Sleep

And I am really tired...

The beds: (right now there are two, one I sleep in when there are no guests here and/or I want to watch t.v. and the other is used when someone needs to have the other bed)
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The dresser drawers: (keep in mind that my actual dressers are still sitting in the walkway between my living and dining rooms because they have yet to be moved back into the bedroom since the carpet was put in and the painting has yet to be finished)
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My favorite jammies: (I don't think these are my favorite, but they are comfy and are worn frequently)
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Stuff Portrait Friday themes are brought to you from kristine's blog.

I made it through...

So, I made it through my last day of work! It is very exciting but still seems very unreal right now. I'm sure it'll start to sink in a little more once I have moved away. I am dead tired right now but have a ton of stuff to take care of over the next couple of days, some of which should be done tonight, so I'm going to try...

I got a lovely card from my co-workers along with a $100 Simon Visa gift card...they are so going to be missed;>

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Another day and a half to go...

I only have to work for another day and a half, and then I'm done for a little while! This is exciting. I had a meeting with my manager to give her all my logins and the number for my building access card, so they can be disabled on Friday. I'm even going to have a real cell phone plan after tomorrow;> You see, I have had practically free service since I first got a cell phone, which was like August of 1999. I have no clue what it means to care how many minutes I use and whether or not I'm going to get stuck with overage charges. But, it will be nice not to care if I'm calling long distance, since that has never been included in our practically-free-service plan. I'm going to start to have to clean out my desk and cubicle today and make some rounds around work tomorrow...and I have a feeling that there will be a going away lunch/party tomorrow, too (shhhh);>

And would you believe that our wonderfully funny Home Detention Lady is banned from my internet access while at work...

Your request was denied because of its content categorization: "Drugs;Personal Pages;Sexual Materials;Gruesome Content"

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

A moment of silence for Miss Brownie...

I came home to find my new bathroom-spider-pet dead. I guess she had been waiting to die in that puddle this morning. She is in the exact same spot, but looks rather crispy and some of her legs are not really where they should be. It was nice to have her while it lasted, but I guess it's for the best since she won't have my company for much longer. Oh well, maybe a little Florida lizard will come to live with me until I move;>

Ick...now I have to remove the crispy spider from the middle of my shower stall!
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Introducing Miss Brownie

I discovered a spider living in my shower stall yesterday morning. I am of the mindset that if it doesn't try to bother me and is known to kill other creepy bugs, then I will not kill it. So, as long as she stays in her space and doesn't invade mine, then she can continue to inhabit my shower stall.

I have named her Miss Brownie in honor of my old bathroom-spider-pet from the apartment I lived in during high school, Mr Brown. He lived on my bathroom wall and liked to hang out behind my towel most of the time. Miss Brownie is significantly larger than Mr Brown was, but you know they grow the bugs big in Florida, so that is to be expected. The names are Brown and Brownie because they are brown spiders;>

I'm not quite sure, but I think I scared her this morning when I leaned down to get my shampoo because she scurried into the corner real quick and then started heading for the back of the stall. She had crawled up to the front when I started the water...I assumed so that she wouldn't get wet, but now she's gone back to the wettest part of the whole stall and even starts to crawl through the downpour of water coming from the showerhead. I start thinking she's trying to commit suicide because she shrivels up into a little ball while the water is pelting her. I must be lonely because I actually started talking to her and trying to tell her that she can't crawl in the water and needs to get out of that spot fast and back up to the front where she had been. My wanting to save her life doesn't mean that she doesn't freak the hell out of me because while I was shaving (I sit to do this...so much easier and safer to bend and contort myself to get all the crevices and ensure a nearly hair-free existence while sitting down), I looked up to where she had been sitting in the front of the stall and didn't see her. I jumped up so fast that I think I left my ass on the shower floor...and I even screamed. So, she scares me if I don't know where she is. I immediately felt a little silly about my reaction because she hadn't tried to attack me, she had just gone a little further to the left. Anyway, I turn off the shower to get out, and she just unrolls from her ball and starts crawling away. I think some of the water pelted her brain because she seemed disoriented and was kinda stumbling around the stall trying to figure out where she was and where she should go to be safe. She fell off the wall...I thought for sure she must be dying. She had crawled up and then just fell off onto her back with legs half curled and sticking out in weird directions. She was like that for a couple minutes but then was back to normal and looking for another place to go. She ended up in a puddle, on her tip-toes, so I don't know if she was just waiting to die or waiting for me to leave her alone to find a good place to hide until tomorrow morning;>

Monday, July 25, 2005

This is how it went...

Friday was terrific! I went to see Wedding Crashers around 130...by myself. I have never gone to a movie by myself, and while it wasn't the best experience, I didn't feel like the ultimate loser that I thought I might;> The movie was very entertaining...and for all the good things I've heard about it, I wasn't disappointed. This is a rare thing for me...usually when I've heard nothing but good about a movie (like this one), I'll be disappointed once I've seen it because my expectations were set too high, I guess. The Blair Witch Project is one of those that comes to mind that I was thoroughly disappointed to have seen.

So, I pick my mother-in-law up at the airport around 6. We stop to get her some dinner and go back to the house. I prepare dinner for the boys before I get ready to leave. I'm really happy that I didn't have to take them with me to Cheesecake Factory because J was in a foul little mood that night. I had delicious food and a decent Tropical Typhoon Punch drink (although I should have stuck with my margarita favorite) and a few bites of my scrumptious German chocolate cheesecake;p The other half of my dinner and the rest of the cheesecake came home with me...I've still got some cheesecake in my fridge. The girls were up for a movie after dinner...Hustle and Flow. While this movie didn't look like one I would want to pay to see in the theater, I wanted to take full advantage of my night out with the girls, so I agreed to go. By the time we were leaving the restaurant and walked over to the theater, the movie had been going for 10 minutes. Considering there were about 12 of us, it would have been very rude to interrupt a movie in progress (on opening night, no less) to find seats, so we opted for another movie...............Wedding Crashers;> I liked it even more the second time around because I knew what jokes were coming and was laughing before they even came.

Mother-in-law (gosh that's long and complicated to type, I'm gonna need a code for her...MIL works on message boards;>) goes over to my neighbors house Saturday morning to find out who does their lawn. She starts to have a meltdown as she's asking and is invited inside. She gives some history of the past few months, and they are surprised but only by the details since they had suspected something was wrong since IFKAMH's never around. They had just started using a lawn service, someone that lives in the neighborhood, last week and offered to call and try to negotiate a lesser price for me. So, Saturday evening my lawn was mowed and edged and now looks like a lawn instead of a jungle;> The price seems great...$55 to do the massive clean-up Saturday and $55 a month. He discovered there was a rabbit living in my backyard. I had seen a rabbit but had no idea he had taken up residence in my weedy jungle...I wish I had bothered to take pics, the grass out there looked like a vine attacking my sliding glass door, it was way above knee-high. I hope he'll find a suitable home now that my lawn won't be fit for hiding him anymore. We got some other stuff accomplished as well, but still no packing or even boxes for packing.

We went swimming Sunday morning, which was fun. J is really getting brave. He was jumping into my arms in the baby pool and into MIL's arms in the big pool. He was having a splashing great time. M was a little more reserved but had fun all the same. MIL took some pics, so hopefully there will be some really good ones that I'll be able to share. We spent about two hours going to pick up a rental car for her to drive back to her house (this was after J took a 3 hour nap...he was really pooped from the pool)...so, after that and an hour at dinner, there was no time to get boxes. That was the one thing I really wanted to get done this weekend, and it was the one thing that didn't get done. I spent about an hour and a half last night helping her pay stuff online. She's very computer-literate but gets frustrated too easily when something doesn't paste or doesn't go to the next page but she can't figure out that she copied the wrong thing or didn't actually click the right spot to make it go to the next page...she is so much more high-strung and easily stressed than my mom and I are; we really are patient people;>

Guess I'll be digging around the back of liquor stores this week...heard they're the best place to find free boxes;> Then, I'll be packing everything I think I might need in the next few months (and anything IFKAMH might want to have or use for cash) since I don't know for certain when we'll be coming back as I don't know how long this divorce is going to take. Oh yeah...IFKAMH hasn't called since Wednesday, so I assume no money was wired to me on Friday or Saturday or Sunday. The message from his mom on Friday night reaming him and revealing that she was in town probably didn't help his cowardice with having the nerve to call and give me some excuse for not sending the money or making it down here this weekend, which ultimately means he's a liar and a selfish bastard.

That was the weekend. Tiring but good. Countdown to the next weekend is on...4 more days of work and maybe 6 living in Floria.

Friday, July 22, 2005

No-Fun Fridays in Blog World

I thought last Friday was just a little slump, but I have been checking for over 3 hours now and find very little blogging going on today...I know it's still early for a lot of those that I read regularly, but please just write something, anything! Please;>

I don't have much to write about...nothing, in fact. I'm still experiencing too many less-than-happy emotions right now, but I'm hoping my spirits will be lifted later today after I'm off from work (in about 20 minutes!).

The Foot Fetish will have today's shoe posted tonight. I still have about two to three more weeks worth of my own shoes, and then I'll take someone's suggestion to go to Payless and try on shoes there...I may even venture outside of Payless;>

I have less than a week left at work and in Florida...a little scary but a lot exciting;>

Thursday, July 21, 2005

thanks for the birthday wishes...

Thanks to y'all for the happy birthday wishes;> It was a fairly uneventful day, but I had a lot of calls, texts, emails, and blog comments to help me be in a birthday girl kinda mood, so thank you.

IFKAMH did call last night, but it didn't have a damn thing to do with it being my birthday. I really, really didn't expect him to remember and didn't actually expect to hear from him at all. He was calling to explain why I won't be receiving any money when I thought I would because it wasn't sent. Even though he clearly states that he knows the needs of his children should come before his bills, that doesn't seem to stop him from spending the money before it is sent to me. Now, he is supposed to be wiring money to me tomorrow...we'll see. This weekend was supposed to be that "no later than then" weekend that he is supposed to be here to see the boys (and talk to me), but he doesn't know for sure if he'll be able to make it. He said he probably can but won't know until tomorrow, but if it isn't this weekend, then it'll definitely be next weekend. Didn't I predict this very occurrence?!? I am pretty certain he won't want to be here next weekend since my mom and her husband will be here to help me move, and I think she might have been serious when she said she would kill him if she saw him...

I did ask him if he knew what the day was, and he wished me a happy birthday and confirmed his confidence that he knew he was right about which day it was this time (if you don't understand this reference, read this). He admitted that he had forgotten all about it...Satan's rectum!! (thanks Buffalo;>)

Anyway, I have been very up-and-down emotional this week, and last night was no different. I was crying during most of the conversation trying to understand why he can't see things the way I see them...I know I'm right;> I let him in on some of my thoughts about this situation, to which I got a slightly better response than the last time I tried to talk to him about these thoughts (before he stopped living with me)...back then the response was always: maybe, but I don't think so; last night the responses were: you're probably right. No, you friggin' IFKAMH, I am right, and your future relationships will all end in misery (just like this one you have now with DA is doomed to do, if it hasn't already) because you don't know how to work through problems, or even figure out what the root of the problems is to begin with...see, emotional roller coaster, last night I'm weeping and today I'm pissy;>

I will be celebrating my birthday tomorrow with a movie and Cheesecake Factory dinner, and I may not even have to bring M and J because my mother-in-law is flying in tomorrow!! I love my boys to pieces, but late dinners are not their most pleasant times, and I really want to go because I won't be able to do this with these people ever again, so I'll be happy to be able to leave them with her and know that it'll truly be a girls' night out...although, no one other than me has EVER put my boys to bed. Oh, and I found it very funny that IFKAMH didn't want to believe that I was going to the movies by myself tomorrow...guess some of those comments about dating I said last Friday made an impression;>

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Happy Birthday to Me ;>

Well, today is my 25th birthday. I am at work and have zero special plans for today...lovely, huh? I haven't been at work on my birthday in 6 years...my first birthday with my company and my last birthday with them I have worked. I really don't like working on my birthday...it just doesn't feel like my birthday. Oh well...

I do plan to take a half day off work on Friday to go see a movie (Wedding Crashers;>) as a treat to myself, and I may get the courage to take my boys to girls' night out with my co-workers to Cheesecake Factory;>

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

I think this profile pic is here to stay (for a little while anyway)...

I didn't like having a profile pic of me at work since I don't like work and won't be there after next Thursday, so I put up a quickie pic I took over the weekend. It looked very odd in the small, shrunken way that it appears on here...like I was drugged or something. So, I knew it had to be temporary. The newest one was part of my fitting room adventures last week. It displays my very first tattoo...that tiny little thing was $90! Anyway, I think this one will be it for a while...unless some really awesome pictures are taken of me sometime soon;>

Now I'm really feigning for a kiss...

Part Expert Kisser


You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Part Free Love Kisser


Of all the kissing types, you've racked up the most experience
Kissing is no big deal to you - you'll kiss anyone you find hot!
It's easy for you to take the plunge and make the first move.
And you don't really consider kissing to be cheating!



Negative on the truth in "kissing isn't cheating" bit at the end.

The pros of having little boys...

I will admit that when the ultrasound that revealed the sexes of my boys was done, I had a twinge of disappointment that one of them wasn't a girl because I had really, really longed to have a girl all my life. But, that twinge of disappointment was instantaneously followed by thoughts of why I wouldn't want to have a girl. I came up with a lot of them in a very short span of time, but I will share the five that I still remember and think about when others feel any hesitation about the joy of having boys intead of girls...

1. Boys are less likely to be picky eaters. If it is edible (and even if it isn't), then it will be eaten. An example: I was making pizza for them last weekend. I had the crusts prepared with olive oil and smothered in tomato paste/sauce...and then discovered that my mozzarella cheese that was supposed to be good through September 22nd was stuck together with mold. What was I going to do? Simple, I put sliced American cheese on the pies and stuck them in the oven. M and J thoroughly enjoyed every bite of those pizzas, but I didn't even taste them because I'm a girl and too picky of an eater;> (Of course, there is a con to this...especially as they hit teenage years and seem to have permanent tapeworms that consume everything they consume, but I've got time to get used to this.)

2. Boys don't need their hair done. My co-worker has a daughter and just spent two and a half hours last night doing her hair, and while this may be a bit more time than I would have to spend because her daughter is African-American and was in need of extra conditioning and pressing and possibly even braiding, I know that even my little white girl would at least need a brush run through her head and might even need a ponytail or braids every now and then, but I don't even need to brush M and J's hair. Since I don't really like playing in other people's hair (or mine for that matter), this is a pro to me;>

3. I don't feel the need to worry as much about my boys becoming whores. While I don't want to encourage promiscuity in either sex, I know my boys won't be hated on for sowing some wild oats while their young like I did (but they will need to be very, very careful);>

4. I won't be paying for homecoming, ring dance, prom, or wedding dresses (or any of the primping expenses that are involved with these events);>

5. The most important...no one in my house, other than me, suffering through monthly mood swings, bleeding, and hormonal imbalances and therefore not having to talk about this wonderful time of the month or how to use a tampon;>

Monday, July 18, 2005

Phyllis J, Identity Theft Victim...

Just wanted to say how much I truly enjoy CitiBank's identify theft commercials. They just have me laughing hysterically all by myself in bed at night ;<>

My newest favorite is Phyllis J. Her identity is stolen from some Frenchman who goes to Vegas to visit Lady Luck and the ladies with the hootchie-cootchie...I'm laughing as I write it and think about it.

I must say that I no longer enjoy Sandra T, whose identity was stolen by the teenage boy building his girl robot for prom. I think it just got overplayed. I do wish I could see more of Jake B, who was taken for a $1500 leather bustier that lifts and separates, though;>

I really hate commercials most of the time, but these just crack me up, and I wanted to share my joy;>

If you want to check some of them out, look here, but I don't see Phyllis there. Another of my favorites is Ruth F;>

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Hope they at least block the UV rays ;>

Just thought I'd share some pics of my boys I snapped this morning before we went to the pool.

I put their sunglasses on for the first time since last year. (They didn't fit then.) They were not still in place by the time we got to the pool...surprised?

J really thought he was hot...and he is, of course;>
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M must be ready for naptime...this is the bedtime book;>
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Friday, July 15, 2005

do you know woo?

I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!

Don't worry...it's multiple choice;> I took fullofit's quiz and got 60%...not bad for someone I don't know.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

SPD - Fitting Room Madness...um, Challenge;>

I didn't need to shop for anything in particular, so I thought I'd pick out some stuff from the clearance rack that I thought deserved to be there and share with you all;> I spent probably half of my lunch hour at Target doing this...that's not crazy is it?

This is my outfit
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The horrid lime green shorts with a pink butterfly that I'm pointing to because that is why I paired them with the pink terri top
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Now it's a whole pink terri outfit
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This low-ridin' mini skirt is what the whore that would wear those prom dresses fullofit tried on would wear to the mall, but she probably wouldn't be so tasteful to cover the v-string with the matchin terri top...it's too long
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yes, that is one of my four tatoos, and yes, those are stretch marks;>

Interactive meme...

I saw this on Jomama's blog. It was really fun to come up with answers to the questions about someone I don't know, so I thought I'd give it a try on my own blog. Have fun;>

1. Who are you?
2. We've never met, but would you like to?
3. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
4. Describe me in one word.
5. What reminds you of me?
6. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
7. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
8. Are you going to put this on your weblog and see what I say about you?
9. What do you love like a fat kid loves cake?
10. What makes you come back here?

Coffee Talk

You Are a Frappacino

At your best, you are: fun loving, sweet, and modern

At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent

You drink coffee when: you're craving something sweet

Your caffeine addiction level: low

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

had Chinese food for lunch

And guess what my fortune is...

"You are contemplative and analytical by nature."

I never get "real" fortunes; I always get these lovely insights into my personality, which I generally already know;>

And these kind of fortunes really don't work well with the "in bed" ending so many people use. I guess it might be alright-sounding if I started with "in bed", but still not amusing like it's supposed to be.

Taking the plunge...

I have decided to move to Virginia at the end of the month. My last day at work is 7/29, although I may use up some vacation days that last week...we'll see;> I even put in my official notice on Monday.

IFKAMH didn't come through this weekend. He did call and try to convince me he wants to try to work things out, but it was very obvious that he isn't committed to it as much as he needs to be in order for us to actually work things out. He wouldn't even tell me that he would cease the relationship with DA at least until we figure out if we would or wouldn't be together (talk about trying to have his cake and eat it, too!). He just said he was confused. I agreed and told him bluntly that as long as he kept trying to have a relationship with two different women, he would continue to be confused. I told him that he could expect paperwork in the mail this week since he still has done and said nothing that proves his commitment to our marriage (in fact, he's done just the opposite). He said that he would still come down to FL in the next couple weeks to talk. I said that was fine, but I don't have any hope of it resulting in anything. For whatever reason, he just can't bring himself to talk about things on the phone, and while I would have always preferred the in-person approach, too, I don't like having left this hanging for over a month already and with only promises (that I can't trust) that it will only be a couple more weeks.

The decision to go to VA seems to be working very well for me. It will not interfere with the divorce as long as I maintain FL residency, which is easy since I will be living with my mom and my house will be in FL as well as my license and registration. The attorney also agreed to transfer the money paid towards the bankruptcy that I was going to have to file in order to continue life in FL to my divorce case...so, now my divorce is nearly half paid for! He also has a mortgage broker and potential buyers contacts to offer me when I am ready to sell, which will be after the divorce is final to prevent IFKAMH from making claim to the money that will be made off the sale;> My mom will be getting her real estate license next month, so once I have the money from the sale, she will be able to help me find a new home in VA. My mother-in-law has her real estate license in FL and will be participating in the sale of my FL home and returning her commission to me as a cash gift;>

I am feeling very good about these decisions. Even though I still wish it didn't have to be this way, I know it is the best way.

The rain stayed at bay;>

I was able to go out this past weekend for my walks.

Saturday's was really just a walk, no playing at the playground for the boys. I was heading to the playground when the wind started picking up and when I started hearing thunder, so I felt better be safe than sorry and head back (we've been caught in the rain before...not fun for me). It was a good decision because the sky let loose about 5 minutes after we got home. It was pretty gusty for the next couple of hours, too.

Sunday, we were able to make it to the playground. The boys burned off some energy (they seem to have an endless supply sometimes;>), and I got my little bit of exercise.

So, thanks to you all for wishing and chanting the rain away (or at least at bay;>) for me.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Rain, Rain...Please STAY AWAY!!

I don't know what I'll do this weekend if we have hurricane rain (and possibly wind?). My weekends are my walking days...to the playground and to the pool. I don't wanna be stuck inside:(

So, everyone please chant with me...rain, rain, please STAY AWAY!! (and you have to yell those last two words;>)

The end is near...

The past couple days have been interesting to say the least.

Tuesday night I called IFKAMH (after he failed to call me as he said he would when we talked Monday night...not a big shocker). I left him a tear-filled voicemail explaining that I couldn't take the uncertainty and that he has until the end of this weekend to demonstrate his commitment to working things out with me.

Wednesday afternoon, I get a call from "Private Number". I do not answer these calls. If I don't recognize the number...I don't answer. Leave me a message, and I will more than likely call back. No message is left. Instead the call comes again. And then again. And then again, so I answer this time, thinking that it may be someone I know and that it might be something urgent. Well, it is "the" chic, I will now refer to her as DA for dumbass. DA does not identify herself by name, she simply starts with that she knows I called her and texted (is that really a word? probably is nowadays) her awhile ago and she never responded but she was wondering if he had been telling me that he didn't want to be with her anymore. I asked if she was (real name). She confirmed she was. I simply told her what he's told me...that he wants to work things out with me, that he never had a romantic involvement with her, and that his move to where he is now had nothing to do with her. I was surprisingly nice...maybe because I felt bad that she is so dumb about this whole situation (why do women put themselves in this position...why would she get involved with a man that is still married and think that he will be totally honest and faithful to her when he wasn't to his WIFE, to whom he promised to be these things in front of witnesses?!?). I really wish I would have asked her some questions, like is she living with him and has she ever been married and why she never bothered to call me when I wanted information but now will pester me until I answer the phone (which I never, ever did to her...I was gutsy enough to leave my number unblocked and to leave her a voicemail explaining why I wanted to speak with her and left her my number; after she told IFKAMH about it and he was upset about my calling her, I sent her a text stating that I would not contact her again since she obviously didn't wish to speak with me)...but I didn't ask any of these things or anything at all. We agreed that IFKAMH needs to decide what he wants and pursue it fully rather than being selfish as hell and stringing us both along and that we will both be fine with either decision. She didn't want me to tell him that we had talked. I agreed to this simply because I had no intention of speaking to him about it...why should I let him know everything I know when he feels the need to hide things from me.

He calls me that night. He had gotten my message and tries to assure me that I have nothing to worry about and that he just feels stupid for what he did. He thinks it was stupid of him to think that there was something better elsewhere. I tried to find out why he felt unhappy with our marriage...his response?: I don't really think I was unhappy, I just thought I was. This is not very comforting...so you would do all this without any damn reason, then?!? I told him my plans to move back to Virginia and that I had been working on my resume for jobs there. He tries to convince me I should look for jobs where he is. I explain that I don't want to go there. I don't want to be anywhere near DA. He says, "DA?" (as if he can't really recall who that is) He said that it isn't an issue; I said that it is for me. He got caught lying about something that really shouldn't have to be lied about (why he was in his car talking to me instead of in his apartment...I had been told three different versions of the story that he was going to the store). As I was getting ready to explain to him that things like this are exactly what make me doubt if he is being honest with me about everything, the call was abruptly disconnected. It took him nearly an hour to call me back, by which time I was washing dishes and didn't answer the three attempted calls. I called back about 20 minutes after the last call and left a message about it taking a long time to call me back. My thoughts are that she was there and came outside and he was about to be caught by his girlfriend talking to his wife about getting back together. I'm not sure if he wants to continue his relationship with her, but I think he at least has to right now because she is probably the reason he still has a place to live...unless he's been lying about not having money.

Thursday morning he calls while I'm taking the boys for a walk to the pool and talking to ga girl. Since I'm already on the phone, I didn't answer. I missed 4 calls by the time I got to the pool. I call him back. He is now digging for info from me. His first thing was that his mom told him I had some information for him (she knew about the convo with DA but was told not to mention it to him). I assume this is supposed to be the info about him not being on my insurance since I haven't gotten money from him to pay for that extra cost. I tell him this...he seems to understand. He starts to go and then I let him know that I have some other questions for him later. He wants me to ask them now (great!...I'd written them down Wednesday night so that I would make sure to ask them, and now I'm at the pool with my boys and without the paper). I manage to ask them all. None of the responses are satisfactory. One of the items I asked of him (in the name of earning back my trust) was that he have DA call me to tell me herself that nothing was/is going on with them as he's always claimed. He brushes around this by saying he doesn't know and implying that I can call her since I have her number (I responded that the number I have for her is disconnected). I think I recall him slipping up and saying something about my receiving a call before he mentioned that I should have her number. He says he has to do some work and will call me back when he's finished.

As I'm leaving the pool, he calls back. He begins to push for if I have some other information I want to share. I am sticking with the no and asking what he thinks I have to share. He says that he wants to hear it from me...I respond with I want to hear it from him. I start asking questions. I ask when the last time he spoke with DA was...today. I ask what they spoke about...nothing (sure, and this sudden curiousity about what I know has just appeared out of thin air). He asks if I've been doing anything. I ask what that's supposed to mean. He said like doing anything with her...like talking to her. I respond affirmatively (including the statement of since he obviously already knows). I told him of Wednesday's conversation and what was asked and told. He said I shouldn't be talking to her. I asked why and got no response. I explained to him that he really needs to be completely honest with me about everything if he seriously wants us to work things out. I have already assumed that they had a relationship and that he's been screwing her and that he moved there for her, so his admission of these things to me will not change my stance right now (actually, his admission would probably give me a much higher opinion of him right now and allow me to think he may actually be ready to work things out). I explained that I need to know what has happened, the reasons why it happened, why he is changing his mind now, and what will be done to prevent this in the future. After stating this to him, he thinks that's crazy...so now I'm crazy, while the night before he was stupid.

I told him after he said goodnight to the boys last night that he really needed to do some serious thinking about things and make a decision and stick to it because I won't be waiting for him. He said he would...somehow I doubt it. What he claims to be so unsure about is whether or not I can have access to his phone bills...I think this is going to be a necessity for us to work things out, but he obviously doesn't want it to be.

I think a lot of the reasons I have been patient with all of this nonsense is that I really hate being wrong...really, really hate it (maybe that should have been one of my 5 worst traits in the lifetime meme). I really don't want to face that I may have been wrong about the kind of person he was and that I made the wrong choice for a husband. I think admitting these things to myself just makes me think that I can't trust my instincts again for fear that they may be wrong since I never had a doubt that this guy was the right one for me...until now.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Woo's Lifetime Thus Far...

ga girl did this on her blog...she got it from someone else's...hope to see it on some of yours;>

10 years ago: I was in high school, actually still at the original high school (it closed after my sophomore year). Living at home, in Newport News, VA. Becoming better friends with GA Girl since she and I were both doing the flag-thing.

5 years ago: In college. Moving to a new apartment. Enjoying the first month of my marriage.

1 year ago: Not really too sure. I'm sure I was at home a lot and working when I wasn't at home. Waiting for my boys to start crawling.

Yesterday: I looked for jobs and houses in Virginia while at work (and I think I did a bit of work as well). I talked to my mom, who is really wanting me to come back home to her. Called IFKAMH (since he didn't call me) and left a message to let him know that he needs to figure out if he really does want our relationship to work out and then commit completely and start realizing that he has a lot of work to do to win me back...and if he doesn't figure it out by the end of this weekend, then I'm done.

Today: I am working again. Well...I'm here anyways. I will be tailoring resumes for the jobs I've found in Virginia and Texas.

Tomorrow: I will be working AGAIN.

5 snacks I enjoy: chocolate, tortilla chips, cheese sticks, granola bars, tater tots

5 bands that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: 3 Doors Down, Limp Bizkit, Papa Roach, Creed, and Van Halen

5 things I would do with $100,000,000: (1) make sure my kids and my friends' kids will have money for college (or something else if they choose a different path, like starting their own business), (2) buy my dream house and get my friends and family theirs as well, (3) have laser hair removal so I'll never have to shave or pluck or wax again!, (4) make sure my mom has the ability to retire...and of course, (5) a shopping spree;>

5 locations I'd like to run away to: Grand Cayman, Hawaii, private island in the Bahamas, Belize, Fiji

5 bad habits I have: procrastination, compromising when I shouldn't, lazy housekeeper, keeping feelings to myself (although I've gotten much better at this), not finishing home and/or craft projects after I start

5 things I like doing: swimming, walking outside, spending time with family and friends, eating good food, shopping

5 things I would never wear: Never say Never...but, I don't think I will ever wear a tu-tu, a tube top, glass slippers, horseshoes, or anything made out of poison ivy.

5 T.V. shows I like: Law and Order (any of them), Judging Amy, Sex in the City, Crossing Jordan, Strip Search (for now...while I'm still suffering from testosterone and penetration withdrawl)

5 movies I like: Demon Knight (Oh, Billy Zane!), Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, The Whole Nine Yards, Men in Black, Erin Brockovich

5 famous people I'd like to meet: Billy Zane, Harrison Ford, Julia Roberts, Adam Corolla (to see if he really is crude in a non-public, one-on-one encounter), Dr. Ruth (there's always room for improvement, right?)

5 biggest joys at the moment: watching my boys grow and learn more every day, being close to my mom (emotionally), looking for a new job and new home, still being friends with my friends from high school, planning for a cruise this December

5 favorite toys: computer w/internet, cellphone, camera, television, and stroller

5 people to tag: I'm not tagging anyone, but if you read this and want to do it, please do.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Sex? I knew I used to get some...

In response to ga girl's post about sexual memories...

wildest - I'm going with the canon incident as well since that has to be the most public encounter I've had, meaning more than just some of my friends could have witnessed it;>

worst - The 30 second encounter in the front seat of a pick-up truck with guy in Seattle (the only one of my encounters that I no longer remember the name of)...I barely realized we'd started when it was over. In his defense, the next time was much, much better and longer-lasting, so maybe he really hadn't had sex in 3 years like he said;>

least memorable - My first time with my fuck-buddy back in VA. I really don't remember what it was like...I think it was at my house. This took me awhile to figure out, I remember a lot.

most expensive - Can't really say there is one. Most of the expense-involved encounters I've had were post-marriage when expenses were considered "ours" instead of "his/hers". The most we spent on a trip was to Vegas for my 21st birthday, so that might be it for me.

wish I hadn't - Missalove's ex. I was going through major withdrawl, had been drinking, too, but it's still part of those unwritten rules not to mess with someone that broke your friend's heart.

one of my more favorite memories - The night that I knew I had an orgasm. It was totally unforgettable and one of the greatest experiences of my life. I was a bit of a nympho before I had one, so now I understand why I can't seem to get sex off my mind most of the time now;>

Thinking about big changes...

Since my daycare is closing, I am seriously considering making a move. That was a major thing that was keeping me put...I didn't want to have to change something that has been so consistent for my children. They are doing so well there...they learn things and it is more like a school than a babysitter, which I loved. BUT...since I have no choice and have to find a new provider, I feel like I should at least look at other places because I am dependent on my family to be able to afford to stay here, and I don't like that. I don't want to feel like I should stretch every penny to the max because I can't even afford to live in my home without outside financial help. I'd rather make the move and have more freedom and less stress.

Right now, I am thinking about moving to Virginia (back home, basically). My mom would love this and would be able to keep my boys for me most of the time, if not all the time. My problem with this is that the jobs aren't very good and the price of housing isn't great, so the chance of finding a house that I can afford on my own there is pretty slim, but I have some hope after my searches...it's just a matter of seeing if the jobs are that good and if the house is that good.

The other consideration is Texas...Texas City is the likely choice. I have found a lot of decent jobs and very reasonable houses, so this may be where I end up. Warm weather and beaches are big pluses for this area in my book, too.

I am pretty determined right now to make a move...I just don't think I can have the life I want if I stay here, and I deserve to have the life I want if I can have it (which I think I can). So, any lack of posting on my end is because I am currently scouring careerbuilder.com and realtor.com for my "perfect match";>

Nice weekend

My 3-day weekend was nice. The weather was better than it had been all week, so the boys and I had a lot of outside time, including two trips to the community pool. I've got a little color on my face, chest, and arms to show for it, too...not sure why my tummy and legs are still so pale, though...probably becuase most of the exposure was while walking rather than lounging;>

I also got to see my "niece" (missalove's little girl) for the first time since she was born. What a precious little girlie...I so don't remember that newborn stage;>

My mother-in-law didn't end up making the trip for the same reasons that I was concerned about on my post about Thursday...we both knew it wasn't the best time. So, she will be planning to make the trip the weekend after my birthday, which is probably even better;> Now, I just need to figure out what I want to do that weekend to celebrate...I'm going to have to take her up on the babysitting offer this time around, tired or not.

I'm sure everyone else had great weekends, too...at least I really hope so.

Friday, July 01, 2005

The Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very
proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and
desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she
went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal
clerk) to make the proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she
informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription
engraved on her tombstone:

"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the
funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone
that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone
that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had
chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old
maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the
small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But
finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with
what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it
read as follows:

RETURNED UNOPENED

Today has to be better than yesterday...

Things that sucked about yesterday:

* It was my 5 year wedding anniversary
* IFKAMH called and didn't mention a word about it
* When asked if he knew what the day was, his knee-jerk (pun intended) response was "Happy Birthday"
* He immediately figured out that was wrong and what day it actually was and said "Happy Anniversary"...how exactly could it be happy?!?
* I was informed that my daycare will close on 7/29...that's right 4 weeks to find a new daycare that won't charge me outrageous rates and that is convenient enough for me to not add 20 miles to my nearly 100 mile commute and that will teach my kids something instead of just babysit them
* My Aunt Flo showed up unexpectedly last night...she missed her visit last month and has decided to come 4 days early this month (I'm so calling for a new Pill prescription today because this early arrival crap keeps happening)
* I realize that my irrational and depressed mood as of late is not just due to the horridly dreary weather we've had but also because of PMS
* Mother-in-law tells me that her mom is going in the hospital today to look at possible blockage in her arteries and what might need to be done...mother-in-law is supposed to come up for a visit this weekend, but I don't know if it's still such a great idea considering she'll probably be worrying about the health of her only remaining parent (her father just passed away last year)
* I burnt the roof of my mouth eating my dinner