Thursday, June 30, 2005

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Seduction Style





Your Seduction Style: Siren / Rake





You possess an unbridled sensuality that appeals to many.
The minute you meet anyone, you can make them crave you almost immediately.
You give others the chance to lose control with you... spiraling into carnal bliss.
A dangerous lover, you both fascinate and scare those you attract.


Now I know my ABCs... (updated with more unique trait)

I saw this on fullofit's site.

A is for Age - 24 for another 22 days
B is for Booze - Where? I want some! Margarita on the rocks, please...
C is for Career - Issue Management and Communication Agent for largest cellular phone company (sounds important, doesn't it?...that is my real title)
D is for Dad's name - Which one? We'll go with the one on my current birth certificate...Robert
E is for Essential item to bring to a party - Tortilla Chips and Salsa with a yummy queso dip, too
F is for Favorite songs at the moment -- "O" by Ciara and "Beverly Hills" by Weezer; also get in the mood for "Getting Away with Murder" by Papa Roach and "We Belong Together" by Mariah Carey...I am very moody when it comes to music;>
G is for Goof off thing to do - unfortunately, shopping, which I really can't afford to do anymore
H is for Hometown - Hampton, VA
I is for Instrument you play - skin flute;> I am not musically talented
J is for Jam or Jelly you like - grape jelly
K is for Kids - 2 boys, 18 months
L is for Living arrangement - house with those two kids and also two dogs
M is for Mom's name - Sarah
N is for Names of best friends - Amy and Missa
O is for Overnight hospital stays - one for my c-section
P is for Phobias - cockroaches
Q is for Quote you like - "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming: WOW! What a ride!”...anonymous
R is for Relationship that lasted longest - going by the anniversary date we set for ourselves, it was 7 years February 28th
S is for Siblings - not that I know of
T is for Texas, ever been? - not yet
U is for Unique trait - most people don't consider themselves to be patient, but I do consider this to be one of my traits, so I'll say it's unique; I thought of another one that is probably more unique than patience: my body doesn't expel gas by farting or burping (except when pregnant)...I can count on one hand how many times I have burped while not pregnant and all were due to preparation for alcohol-induced vomiting, and I can't recall a single time I've farted while not pregnant
V if for Vegetable you love - broccoli
W is for Worst traits - keep feelings bottled up too long and maybe compromise too much
X - is for XRays you've had - other than dental ones? zero
Y is for Yummy foods you make - seasoned chicken in pasta and tomato sauce; mashed potatoes
Z is for Zodiac sign - Cancer

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I got tagged

I was tagged for this meme game by Eunice.

Here are the rules:

Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place; add your blog's name in the #5 spot; link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross pollination effect.

1. Adventures of a Domestic Engineer
2. Crazy Like a Zircon
3. Yeah, I'm a Cat
4. As life flutters by...
5. twoboys4me

Next: select new friends to add to the pollen count. (No one is obligated to participate).

ga girl
skyqueen
buffalo
fullofit
missalove

Now...Eunice's challenge was to list the five things I miss most from childhood, but she got those down pretty well, so I'm going with five great memories of my childhood. Those that I have tagged may do this or five things they don't miss from childhood.

1. My 7th birthday party where I had the most awesome Cookie Monster cake. It was just his head with two chocolate chip cookies sticking out of his mouth. Cookie is still my favorite character from The Street.
2. The first time I went down the SlipNSlide on my front lawn.
3. One winter in Tennessee when we had so much snow that it came up to my knees.
4. Driving from Tennessee to Virginia with my mom and our dog when I was 10.
5. Getting my most desired Christmas present, the Barbie Dream House.

I told you I had fun this weekend...

so much so that I passed out at 1030 last night instead of blogging about it;>

The power was in and out at work yesterday, so blogging didn't get squeezed in (other than that little tidbit from yesterday) before I had to head back home. Interestingly enough, the computers were totally down this morning when I got to work...who was here this weekend is all I could think?

So, I left work Friday evening, picked up my boys from daycare, and then headed to Wendy's for dinner. That went surprisingly well...I am still usually amazed at how easily I can handle eating out with two toddlers by myself. After we finished dinner, I went back to my house to pick up my two dogs, a 50+ pound cocker-spaniel mix and a 15 pound lhasa apso (they're such a cute couple;>), so that we could hit the road. I come home to find that my grass has been cut. It was desperately in need of it, and I had complained to IFKAMH on Wendesday night about it being so out-of-control high and about the rain everyday just making it grow 5 inches every time I come home and about the fact that I have called 6 or 7 lawn services for an estimate and have not received one call back...how am I supposed to get this postage stamp of green jungle back to a postage stamp of green meadow when NO ONE will call me back? I was mostly upset about this because I have received notices from the HOA (Home Owners' Association) about it, including a threat to start charging me $100 per day if I don't comply...if I had gotten another notice, I was seriously considering calling them to ask if they would recommend someone since I was having zero luck. Wow that was a bit of a tangent; anyhow, I had complained about it to him. He had apparently cut the grass, brought the garbage can in the garage, moved his vehicle that had been on the street, and had been in the house. The part about him being in the house was almost more upsetting to me than the fact that he had come into town and not bothered to call me to let me know because he doesn't have a key and all the doors were locked. I assume that he went through the garage because that door is the one that is like a regular inside-the-house door, which is extremely easy to unlock without a key.

So, I was furious that he was obviously in town but I haven't heard from him, and he comes into town knowing that I won't be there...very disturbing. I begin to call him...no answer. I call GA Girl to let her know I'm leaving...and to vent because I was boiling mad. I do find out later on Friday evening and Saturday afternoon that he just wanted to come down and take care of the grass for me since he had the chance and that for some selective-hearing/inventive-memory reason, he thought I had already left and was in GA when he got there.

I start my drive. Little Dog decides less than 5 minutes after we leave that he doesn't want to sit all the way in the back with Big Dog. He proceeds to climb in between M & J. When he starts to realize that there is way too much junk packed in the car for him to make it all the way to the front to bother me, he sets up camp with M in his car seat, so I decide that I must pull over and grab the dog and bring him up with me in order to make this trip bearable for us all. This was, fortunately, the only incident I had to endure. The boys woke up each time I stopped, but slept most of the time. I only had to stop three times and made the trip in less than 7 hours, which was good considering the MapQuest directions time was 7 hours, 20 minutes, and GA Girl said the route she gave me might add about 15 minutes to that.

Saturday, we were up at 730 in the morning...not good when I didn't arrive until 3 am and didn't get to sleep until about 430 am, but oh well. After getting back from lunch, the boys went down for their nap. Thank goodness kids "need" naps because we both ended up dozing off about an hour after they went down. So, I added another hour of sleep to my prior 3 hours...I was really feeling pretty good with such little sleep. We went to do a bit of shopping before going out that night. We stopped at Taco Bell on the way back to the house...the boys ate quesadillas;>

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

The boys went to sleep much quicker than I thought they would and were out around 830. We get ready to go out since the sitter is supposed to be there around 9. The dogs have been uncharacteristically well-behaved the entire visit until the sitter arrives. Little Dog resumes his normal territorial barking fest as she is trying to ask her questions and we are trying to give instructions. He finally calms down while I walk around the house holding him (incredibly enough, the boys didn't fully wake up during this commotion). I hear him bark as we leave, but I'm sure he was restrained again in no time;>

We first went to a bar/restaurant type place. I ordered one of my staple drinks, amaretto sour. Well, I don't know what kind of amaretto they use, but it is not good. After the first few sips, all I could really taste was sour mix. About half of the drink gone...couldn't continue drinking because it tasted like pure sour mix. So, more amaretto was added, this is when I realized that it was not the "good stuff". The bottle was clearly different and the drink still came out to be some kind of Mountain Dew color instead of that rich brown-yellow that amaretto sours usually have. I definitely didn't taste just sour mix now, but it still wasn't yummy. D, GA Girl's guy, hasn't eaten dinner, and I am in the mood for margaritas, so we leave and head over to a Mexican restaurant.

When we sit down, I look on the menu for the margaritas. I find three: the house, the half-monster, and the monster. We ask the waiter what the difference is...size. There is a couple at the table across from us that have some nice-sized margaritas on their table, so we ask which one they have. His response was the monster, so that is what I got. This glass reminded GA Girl and me of the fish bowl glasses that used to be served at a club around here, kind of like a small goldfish bowl. Wonder how much tequila is in that thing? Enough for me, obviously. I begin to drink with my straw (the best way to ensure you consume much more rapidly in order to get drunk, which was one of the purposes of the evening). GA Girl insists I am not drinking fast enough although about an inch from the top of my monster glass is gone, and I've had the drink about 30 seconds;> It was a very tasty margarita, and so I probably finished the thing a little too quickly...too quickly for it to set in before another was ordered and I began to drink it at a similar pace. Thankfully, that first one set in before I got too far into the second because I really didn't need the second. So, I am very happily tipsy when I am told to eat some chips and a cheese enchilada is ordered. While I knew the point was to try to absorb some of the alcohol, I now know that if I didn't eat before I started drinking, then I really shouldn't try to make up for that by eating quickly after drinking too much, too fast...my body rejected the food before we left the restaurant. I got cleaned up...poor GA Girl always seems to be the one around when this happens to me. *I LOVE YOU* We then leave to go to the club for some dancing.

I had a lot of fun dancing. I love dancing. I could have done without some of the "dance" partners I had, though. If you can't dance, fine, but please don't try to force me to follow your lead if you can't move with the beat and/or can't dance simultaneously while trying to grope me. Only one of the guys that I danced with didn't suck at dancing, and I'm still not sure if it was that he was an alright dancer or if he was just following my lead. He must have thought I was interested in him more than just as a dance partner because I left there with his number...although I did not leave GA with his number (sorry guy, but it just wasn't there).

Thankfully the boys slept until almost 9 am on Sunday since I certainly needed the rest from the previous day and night;> We left GA around 115 in the afternoon and made it home in 7 hours.

Minus the food-rejection at the Mexican restaurant, I had a blast. Thanks for everything GA Girl!!

Monday, June 27, 2005

Just what I hoped for...

got drunk and went dancing...just what I hoped for;>

I might post the details of this weekend a bit later...once I'm awake...all in all, it was a great!

Friday, June 24, 2005

5 Hollywood Women...

that have a chance at enticing my bi-curiosity;>

Salma Hayek

Halle Berry

Kim Cattrall

Lucy Liu

Geena Davis

5 Hollywood Guys...

that are "cream-me";>

Billy Zane

Harrison Ford

LL Cool J

Will Smith

Russell Crowe

Uh-Oh...memory loss relapse

Well, IFKAMH didn't call the boys last night like he said he would when I talked to him Wednesday night. This is the first time he hasn't followed through since he's moved...kind of disappointed, but then again I don't take much to heart with his promises anymore.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

ROAD TRIP!

This'll be quick. I'm getting ready for my trip tomorrow night up to Georgia to see GA Girl...yippee!! It's been too long since I've seen her, and I can't wait to see her place and her "kids" in person. I'm so excited, but I've still got a lot to do tonight so that I can just come home tomorrow night from work, load my dogs, and go. I'll more than likely post some stuff tomorrow (a couple top 5 lists;>) since I won't be able to post again until Sunday night, if I'm even up to it then...

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Who am I?

At least some of each of these I find to be true...

Your #1 Match: ESFJ




The Caregiver

You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first.
A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change.
You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project.
You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people.

You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher.

Your #2 Match: ESFP




The Performer

You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others.
A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic.
You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally.
You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic.

You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor.

Your #3 Match: ISFJ




The Nurturer

You have a strong need to belong, and you're very loyal.
A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways.
In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.
You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.

You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.


Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Does anyone really think like this??

I have seen quite a few remarks lately about taking care of one's self when a sex partner is not available, especially towards women and with the notion that a vibrator should be sufficient to take care of business, and I can't help but think of the comment from There's Something About Mary: I don't need a man...I've got a vibrator (or something to that effect). I begin to wonder if anyone really thinks like this.

I then wonder what kind of vibrator they're using because mine's got nothin' on a flesh, blood, and bone penis.

Then I wondered about masturbation preferences:
manual, vibrator, dildo, or other?
where is the favorite place to do the deed?
any special things that you need/like to do?

I guess mine currently are: manual, in the shower (sometimes the shower massager gets involved), usually nipple play is something I need...because like I stated before, this stuff just ain't as good for me as the real thing;> I understand that it has its purpose, and it can take the edge off temporarily, but when I'm really feigning for a good lay, one isn't better than or even equal to the power of two in my world.

Why can't I stop thinking about sex???

Monday, June 20, 2005

Our sunday morning

These are the photos of the boys at the baby pool yesterday morning. We had quite a lot of fun, but they weren't so sure about that mushroom waterfall thing (as seen by their reaction pictures directly beneath the waterfall one)...M is in green; J is in red.





J splashing with M getting used to the water




M looking like he's blowing at that weird flash of color




Smiling J




The Waterfall over the baby pool




M's reaction to Waterfall




J's reaction to Waterfall




J looking at water spout dripping




M deciding if he wants to get back in



Why can't I have a 2-day work-week and a 5-day weekend?

I had another terrific weekend with my boys...

Friday afternoon they had they 18-month check-up. Both are perfect and growing well...and no shots this visit or again until they're 4!! When we got home, I decided to walk up to the playground with them to let them run around. They were having fun and right about the time we should have been leaving...I feel them...raindrops...so I get them in the stroller quickly and start to walk back home. It pours for a little bit but then lets up and is just sprinkling, so I decide to finish my normal walking route...too bad it starts pouring again right after I had passed the street I could have taken to get home, and now I'm just as far away no matter which way I go. So, the boys and I are thoroughly soaked by the time we get home...this probably did very little good for the cold we all have, but at least they thought it was a lot of fun;>

IFKAMH calls Friday night to say good night to the boys; he called a couple minutes after I put them down, so that was a no go. We talked for a little bit instead. He tells me he has gotten the job he has been working on getting and should start on Wednesday. I tell him about the great appointment and the unexpected, fully-clothed shower incident. He says he'll call the boys Saturday night and may call before then as well.

Saturday afternoon I encountered a bit of irresponsible parenting while at the playground. First of all, there was a birthday party going on inside the recreation center. I guess it wasn't fully set up as all the kids were outside playing at the playground. The first thing that disturbs me about this is that there are only two parents there while there are probably at least 12 kids, and those two parents don't seem to be responsible for all these kids. I still let my boys play, making sure to follow them more closely instead of sitting on the bench watching them to ensure that they don't get hurt and don't get in the way of the bigger kids trying to actually use the playground equipment. All seems to be fine. J is standing by the gate that leads out to the parking lot...no problem as I'm right there with him and it's closed. A little boy, maybe 7 years old or so, comes to the gate and proceeds to open it. I move J out of the way, figuring this little boy is going to levae the playground...why else would he open the gate? He doesn't leave; he just stands there with the gate wide open; then he tells me he is holding it open for J. I explained to him that I don't want him to go out there because he is too small. He closes the gate and runs off to play...but that wasn't the end of it. Just a few minutes later, I see him come behind me and open the gate again...this time, he is wants to be sneaky and is trying to coerce M into coming over to him and go outside the gate. I immediately snapped around and told him not to let my children out. He closes it and walks away again. It's finally time for the kids to go inside for the party. Unfortunately, this kid has some kind of death wish because he comes back to open the gate again to try to convince my kids to leave the playground. I told him a bit more firmly this time to not let my children out there. He closes it and leaves again...only to return just a minute later to pull the same stunt. By this time I've had it with this disobedient little devil child, who may have a parent or two but then again, may not...I don't know since no adult seems to be taking responsibility for his behavior right now. I yell at him to stop it and close the gate myself. Surprise! Dad is apparently somewhere within earshot of me now because he calls for the boy to stop whatever he's doing and go inside, thankfully in a tone more of scolding than of "run from the lunatic who's yelling at you". Why wasn't this guy paying more attention to this kid in the first place is what I wonder. The next incident scares me even more because I cannot understand how people still take situations for granted when their children are involved. This little girl, maybe 2 years old at most, is playing on a ladder-type thing. She is almost to the top when a guy on a motorcycle drives into the parking lot. She immediately starts screaming. By the time this happens, I am getting ready to leave with my boys; the only other child out there (no parents out there, mind you), about 5 years old I guess, tells me that she's crying. Since he was the one that brought her out there from the party, I thought he might be her brother and said that I don't know why she's crying and perhaps he should take her inside to her parents. The security guard, whom I dislike quite a bit, asks me to help her down since he thinks she's stuck...no, she's not stuck; not one part of her body is stuck on this ladder; she freaked from the roaring motorcycle. I help her down, but she is still crying for someone to pick her up and is saying momma. The guard finally puts down his cigarette to carry her inside. As I walk away, the guy on the bike seemed very surprised that she wasn't mine...could that be because a child that young, a child that cannot even communicate with words enough to explain what's wrong, should NOT be outside without an adult present that is watching her?!? No one asked me to look out for her, this other kid was obviously not supposed to look out for her, so why did this little girl's mother assume that nothing bad would happen to her little girl?!? How many more stories of child abduction and abuse need to be heard before parents realize that they need to be more conscientious of their children at all times?!? I was quite angered by this incident as I walked home, all the while thinking what age I will ever think my boys will be safe playing out of my sight at the playground, if ever...

IFKAMH did call Saturday night to wish them a good night...at least his memory of promises seems to be getting better as he used to forget from one day to the next that he was supposed to do something like call his sons. He also called yesterday to thank me for wishing him a happy father's day and again later at night to talk about coming down this week to talk...we'll see how that goes, I guess.

Friday, June 17, 2005

At least I know better now...

IFKAMH is still not be being honest with me...who could've guessed?!? At least his actions in the past couple months have lessened my willingness to trust so easily, so I haven't invested too much into his claims of wanting to work things out with me. While I still think that might be a possibility for why he is talking to me about getting back together, most of me is thinking about what the other reasons are for this sudden change of heart, and those other reasons are very callous and selfish.

As it turns out, the number of the chic he had been talking to is now disconnected...there is another line on his wireless account that magically appeared the day after he stopped calling the number previously mentioned. Coincidence? I really don't think so.

So, whoever is using this other line (the name on the bill belongs to a female, just not the same name as I know the chic by) makes calls to his line, and he calls her line as well...all the while making claims that he wants to work things out with me.

I had a small hope that the additional line was a mistake made by the company rather than of his doing because it didn't make sense for him to have two Florida-based lines on his account while living in another state, but that tiny little hope was squashed this morning after I saw the bill, and his actions still make no sense to me or any other normal person that uses minimal brain power.

I am proud of myself for not placing my trust in him again just because he is talking to me the way he used to talk to me, and I will be very proud of myself if I can let him continue this charade (as it seems that is what it is to him) long enough to see if he will help take care of the house. I wish I didn't have to be so unwilling to trust (unfortunately, this will apply to him as well as any other man in my future), but he has forever changed that part of me, which at least allows me to know that no matter what, I will do what is best for me and my children.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Love Type

Wish I knew how to change the font color, but I can't figure it out...otherwise, this seems pretty accurate.


Your #1 Love Type: ENFP

The Inspirer

In love, you are passionate and eager to develop a strong bond.
For you, sex should be playful, creative, and affectionate.

Overall, you are perceptive and bring out the best in your partner.
However, you tend to hold on to bad relationships after they've turned bad.

Best matches: INTJ and INFJ

Your #2 Love Type: ESFP

The Performer

In love, you relish every moment and tend to get caught up in passion.
For you, sex is how you get in touch with all your senses.

Overall, you are creative, popular, and flexible.
However, you tend to dislike criticism and avoid any conflict.

Best matches: ISTJ or ISFJ


Rejected Crayons?

Hope this shows up...





You are






sickly:(

Well, my boys and I are sick with colds...started on Tuesday night:( We were home yesterday trying to feel better...seemed to work since they slept great last night as did I. I was quite unhappy last night when I went to take my Nyquil to find that it had expired in April, so I was reduced to taking the daytime stuff to relieve my congestion...good thing that stuff doesn't keep you awake as much as it just doesn't put you to sleep, so it still works for me.

On a more positive note...I finally have new carpet in my bedroom! There has been nothing but concrete in that room for over two months, so this was super exciting...too bad I didn't finish the painting before it got installed;>

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

I'm such a proud momma...

My big guy, J, knows where his nose is!

He is such a cutie...starting on Saturday, he was looking at my nose, said "nose" and pointed at it. I agreed with him: that is momma's nose...and praised him for being such a big boy. Then, he said nose again and pointed at his own...now he does it on demand;>

I'm just beamin' with pride!!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Hmmm, I wonder...

What kind of grooming habits do men keep for their nether regions?

There was a post this weekend on the Home Detention Lady blog that left me wondering if men discuss or obsess the way women do about how groomed their pubic areas are. I know what I do and what IFKAMH did. Quite honestly, I didn't care either way what he did for his hairiness. I think: men have hair, and I like men, so who cares if it is trimmed and groomed?? While it is a nice thought, and apparently some women do care about this, I really could care less if it's bushy or not, so I hope he did it more for himself than me.

I certainly don't de-hair myself for the sole purpose of enjoyment of the opposite sex...otherwise, it wouldn't be kept up as well as it is;> I would only take care of it when it needed to be, which apparently is what some women do...which I simply can't understand. I don't like having hair under my arms, on my legs, or in the "other" areas, so I get rid of it...no biggie to me. It doesn't really take that much time, and I feel so much better for it. I just don't feel clean unless I have shaved, so it gets done everyday, for the most part, barring unforeseen circumstances;>

There was a comment made on the HDL post about the clean-shaven look being rather pre-pubescent and it being weird that men liked this look...hmmm, so do these women not shave their pits either since that is also a pre-pubescent look as puberty brings hair everywhere??

Sure am glad to have a counseling session tomorrow...

IFKAMH is seemingly trying to step it up. He called Friday night, still while I was getting the boys to sleep, so I couldn't talk; he calls Saturday morning, mostly just asking me to call his mom to try to cheer her up since she lost her job and he isn't capable of making her feel better; he calls yesterday afternoon, talking about getting back together...

I tell him that while I would still like that to happen, I don't really think he's willing to do what it takes. He says he is. I told him that there were things that would have to happen before we could get back together, one of which he's already said he wasn't willing to do...counseling. I explained that we needed to learn how to communicate better and I needed to learn how to trust him again. He responds with: "You don't trust me?"...is he out of his freakin' mind?!?...what kind of question is that?!?...why should I trust him?!? I told him that although I want to believe what he tells me is the truth, I simply can't. He doesn't elaborate any further, nor does he say either way whether or not he will reconsider counseling...just says that he is focused on getting this job and getting back here to see me.

He seems to think that things can just go back to the way they were without any effort other than an apology, but they just can't...things aren't the way they were; I can't forget that, even though I would like to because it would be easier; otherwise, I fear I am setting myself (and let's not forget our sweet, innocent little boys) up for more pain and disappointment in the future. I am hoping that he just doesn't want to get into it on the phone since that is really why I don't ask too many questions right now...because I want him to be in front of me, looking me in the eye when he answers my questions, but I just don't understand this change in behavior and attitude. Although I knew this time would come, it seems to have come a lot sooner than I thought it would. He seems to have gone back to the man I knew and loved before when he talks to me now, but I can't help but feel he's trying to manipulate me into something, and if we have any chance of working things out, that feeling has to become a second-thought instead of the first like it is now.

As much as I thought I could push my next counseling session to next week at the time I made the appointment (before any of this total 180-stuff from IFKAMH), I am so glad that it is tomorrow;>

Friday, June 10, 2005

Working on a new skin...

Since the lavendar flowery background is so weird, I'm trying to get a new skin for this thing...again;>

Hopefully, I'll get it basically done while I'm still at work and can put any finishing touches on tonight...like the comments:(

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Where the hell is this coming from?!?

IFKAMH calls me last night...I kind of expected to hear from him yesterday, but based on the past week, I thought it would have been yesterday morning or afternoon rather than at night. At first, he says he's just calling to tell me good night, but very quickly it turns into a talk about "us".

Unlike Monday's talk where he is talking "maybe we'll work it out", last night he was talking "want to work it out". I explain that nothing has changed since Monday where I feel like if he wants to put in the effort like I had put in the effort, then I think that we could work things out and be happy again, but I am not counting on this outcome. He asks if I think that we belong together. I said I thought we did but I'm not so sure about that anymore after all this. (On the deadline message I left him at the end of April, which basically was to give him until 5/17 to come back and work things out together or else realize that he may not be able to come back ever, I stated that sentiment exactly...that I thought we were meant to be together...so maybe he was trying to use that as a ploy.) I told him that I would not be putting my life on hold while he tries to figure out what he wants, that although I will not go out looking for someone else right now, if someone interesting comes along...I won't ignore it, that even though I am open to us being able to be together again...I am also open to someone else being the person in my life. He, of course, wasn't all that happy to hear this, but it doesn't change that fact for me. He said he wouldn't have said that to me. (Funny, he already did...maybe not in the same words, but he had said that maybe he wanted to be with someone else, same theory if you ask me.) It concerns me that he said he was willing to put in the effort to rebuild our relationship but that he didn't want to talk to anyone but me...no counseling. I don't see us being able to work through this without that third-party, at least not in any reasonable amount of time. It will almost without a doubt still be one of the things I require of him for me to consider reconciliation...counseling for him alone as well as us together; I don't know how I will believe he is willing to give it his all or how I will be able to regain my trust without it.

It ends with him saying that he wants to come here to spend time with me and talk things out and that he'll keep in touch...fine, he'll find out exactly what will be expected of him if he does show up in person to say he wants to work things out with me; it will not be an easy task for him to prove himself to me again...and, he will not be living with me like we're happily married while he's doing this since he gave up his shot at that.

So, from the time we hung up, I began wondering where this is coming from: is he really just coming back to reality; did he and the chic have a fight; did she not know he was moving so close to her and freak out when she found out? This is a question that I cannot allow to be left unanswered...I need to know whether or not I am the first choice. I'm afraid that he won't be able to answer this for me, though...at least not to my satisfaction...I think I'll have to hear from her...

Self Portrait Day (SPD) - Where I blog from


This is me at my desk at work. This isn't the only place I blog from, but most of the non-picture posts come from here. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Last quiz thing for the day...I'm feeling like an under-achiever

and it'll probably be the last 'til next week as well...


Your IQ Is 125

Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average
Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius
Your General Knowledge is Genius

the meaninglessness of my SAT score...








Your SAT Score of 1380 Means:



You Scored Higher Than Howard Stern

You Scored Higher Than George W. Bush

You Scored Higher Than Al Gore

You Scored the Same as David Duchovny

You Scored Lower Than Natalie Portman

You Scored Lower Than Bill Gates

Your IQ is most likely in the 130-140 range

Equivalent ACT score: 31

Schools that Fit Your SAT Score:

Brown University

Northwestern University

Carnegie Mellon University

Cornell University

Reed College


Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Are you as normal as I am?

Normal?





You Are 35% Normal

(Occasionally Normal)









You sure do march to your own beat...

But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all

You think on a totally different wavelength

And it's often a chore to get people to understand you




I think I am a bit more normal than this claims I am...but what do I know?

It's heeere!!

In case you hadn't noticed, the foot fetish poll finished with 4 yes, 1 no (who just wanted to keep them on the same blog;>), and an other, so The Foot Fetish is now up and active. It is on my list of links if you'd like to check it out. The plan is to put a new addition each Wednesday. Should have at least 3 or 4 months worth at that rate...

the new skin appears...

I spent way too much time last night on blogskins.com finding the skin I liked the most. I could have spent even longer since I was just on the tip of the iceburg in terms of what they have available when I chose the one I did.

After much tweeking, I am happy with what I have now. I can link to my fellow bloggers and still have all my posts, comments, and archives.

There was another skin that I wanted, but it was missing so much that it would have taken me too much time to perfect it...although I may still try at some point because I really liked the color scheme better than this pastel one.

Hope we all like it;>

Monday, June 06, 2005


Day 1 First Coat - You can see the too beige part of the room against the newer color in this one Posted by Hello


Day 1 First Coat - View looking into the bathroom Posted by Hello

Well, well, well...maybe that grass ain't so green after all

So, IFKAMH called me this afternoon. He actually called twice. I couldn't answer the first call because I was in a meeting at work, but the second one came about 20 minutes after the first, so I answered, thinking it might be something important. Not sure if there was motivation behind the calls, but nothing struck me as blantantly underhanded.

From most of the conversation, it seems as though he may be coming around to the realization that the grass is not so green on the other side and would like to have this door remain open. He asked me if I missed him; to which I responded that I do not in any way miss the person he has become, although I sometimes miss the person he was or at least the person I thought he was. He made it clear that he didn't want me to be different in case he decided he wanted to come back; to which I responded that the only thing different about me right now is the fact that I am not able to trust as easily as I used to. He asked if that meant I didn't trust him; I said that I couldn't trust him because I had given him my full trust and he undermined it completely...I had taken everything he said as being the truth but have found out that he was doing things that I had no clue about, and so I cannot believe everything he says anymore, though I made it clear that I felt that he could earn my trust back if he was willing to work on it. He said that he didn't want me to do anything stupid because he wasn't going to do anything stupid. I asked what exactly that was supposed to mean; his response was that he didn't want me sleeping around. I assured him that I would not be doing that as it would take me back to a place that I had been before and didn't want to be in again. He asked what that meant; I reminded him of the fact that he knew how many people I had been with before him (I did not lie...I really am that kind of honest person) and that the fact that I did not have a boyfriend but had sex on a pretty regular basis should tell him that I am not a stranger to being with someone just for sex, and I did not want to go that route again because it wasn't healthy for me and I refuse to put my children in such a negative environment, and even though that is one part of a relationship that I missed a lot, it wasn't worth the risk. I also stated that if he did want to come back and I hadn't found anyone new and was still willing to work things out, then I wouldn't want him to think less of me for having jumped on the opportunity to have sex with whoever was willing...this is the least of the reasons that I will not be sleeping around (and quite honestly didn't even cross my mind until I was talking to him today).

Those were some of the more juicy tidbits from the call. Some other items included his thinking that maybe I could move to the state he's in now if we work things out and his apology for things that he's done (nothing specific, just things he's done). He also made the comment that he thinks he may have had his time but might need just a little more (I'm thinking...time for what, exactly??). I tried to make it clear that I am not upset with him any longer because I am at the point where I know that we could work things out but that I am no longer holding on to that hope and that I am concerned right now only about myself and our children and whatever else happens, happens.

This is the first time we've talked since this started where he was speaking in terms of "us" still being a possibility rather than strictly in terms of us being apart. Either my moving on has caused him to rethink what he's done or he is really trying to keep the door open as a "just in case". Actually, maybe it's a little of both. At any rate, I don't plan on changing anything I've been doing while he continues to figure things out...he'll just have to hope and pray that I'm still available when he realizes what a great thing he had going with me and our family;>

First things first...the weekend

So, the visit with my mom and her husband went well...too short, but I will see her again in a couple of months. They really helped straighten up around the house, so it is much more livable again...yippee!

The boys handled the visit really well, and showed off appropriately for them...unlike with the mother-in-law visit last weekend (guess my boys prefer my mom just like I do).

Saturday evening, I get a text message from IFKAMH stating that he didn't want to call because my mom was there but wanted me to tell the boys that he loved them. I'm not so sure what he thinks would happen if he had called. My mom is not aggressive, so she wouldn't snatch the phone from my hand to yell at him or anything, but really...even if she did do things like this and would have done it, seems like it may have been worth the chance to be man enough to talk to his kids.

Yesterday morning, the boys didn't start getting loud enough to wake me up until 9am...this is pretty late for them, but I was happy because I needed the sleep. I walk into their room and find M has pooped himself so much that his diaper overflowed and his bed is covered! He also has quite a bit on himself, so needless to say, he got a morning bath...yuck! I had heard many a parent tell this same tale (but usually the kid has taken his diaper off and smeared the poop himself...thank goodness that wasn't the case here, although now that I've said that...I'm sure that will be part of my future), but I figured I had gotten lucky and would not go through that experience...WRONG.

I began painting my bedroom walls yesterday...red. It is a deep red to match some of the decor in that room, which is an Asian theme. The walls were/are beige, which was too blah with the rest of the room having very beigey, neutral colors as well. Even though I've only managed to get the first coat done on two of the four walls, I am already really, really happy about this change. I sat in my room last night just enjoying the new color...it is so rich and beautiful. I will post progress pictures tonight.

So, that is pretty much it. I will be searching for a new blogskin so that I can link to some of my favorite people;>

Friday, June 03, 2005

Delve into the Woo-Woo

This is not really information about me, per se...but it is an explanation of where my name came from, celebrate woo-woo.

Celebrate Woo-Woo is a phrase my group of high school friends began to use frequently. It originated with a Dave Matthews Band song, which actually had the words "celebrate we will" in it. If you listen to Dave Matthews, then you might know that sometimes his words are not completely clear, and we took it as celebrate woo-woo and ran with it as a great new phrase.

The "woo-woo" can mean anything you want it to...for us (hormonal, free from true responsibility, sex-crazed teens), we of course substituted this new phrase to mean sex. It was quite fun, and the reference is everywhere in our memorabilia: yearbooks, senior books, etc.

My mom will be visiting this weekend, so I most likely won't update again until Monday (since I haven't seen her since November), and now I leave you to ponder what the "woo-woo" is to you...have fun!

;>

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Today's Events

Well, IFKAMH called me this morning. He insisted he was just trying to be a nice guy and maintain a friendship. He asked if it was okay that he call for that. I said that was perfectly fine and that was what I had been trying to get him to do for a while now. I explained that I didn't want to be completely cut out of his life and I didn't think he really understood that it is damned near impossible to do so because cutting me out like that will also cut his children out as well. He agreed and gave the usual speech about wanting to be involved with them. I asked why he hasn't bothered to call them since Friday since he doesn't have the excuse of being too busy at work (which was a lie when he did use that excuse) as he is not currently working. He said he was scared. All I could think is what the hell is he so scared of...I didn't yell at him or curse at him when he called on Friday, so why would continuing to call be scary?!? Anyhow, we talked about the divorce papers and proceedings and cost, etc., and I eventually made the statement that I still have yet to hear him tell me that he doesn't want to be married to me anymore or that he wants a divorce. He paused and then asked: "Well, haven't you already decided that?" When did this become my decision? I replied that I didn't see I had much of a choice. I explained that since he hasn't told me anything about what he wants other than some time, I am forced to go by his actions. I said his actions (not talking to me, not making even the smallest effort to work things out, quitting his job, and moving to another state that just happens to be the same state that the woman he's been talking to every day lives in) tell me he has made his decision, and his decision is to not be married to me anymore, so I have to go with that. He didn't respond with anything, which is hard for me to read right now because lately my assumptions are validated only when he gets very defensive about something and he said nothing about this...doesn't change what I'm going to do, but it would have been decent of him to just be straight with me and tell me what he's thinking instead of simply trying to make it out to be my decision. I still got the I loved you, still love you, but not sure I'm in love with you load of garbage that he started this with in April. Overall the conversation was civil and pleasant and ended well.

I struggled most of the morning to determine the motivation behind his call. I just had a suspicion that it wasn't really just to be a nice guy and still be friends. Part of the conversation included his statements about not having any money until he gets his loan check, so I figured out that he was trying to throw me off with this out-of-the-blue I'm-not-calling-because-I-want-something-from-you so that when he doesn't pay me the agreed $250 tomorrow or all next week, I won't be calling and screaming at him about his irresponsible behavior and lack of decency to be able to put his children's needs before his own...I just knew it was about him and his welfare rather than mine or our children's.

On a side note, he did at least call to tell them goodnight and that he loves them tonight...as promised in this morning's discussion, and the boys at least seemed to recognize his voice this time. They probably don't associate the voice with "daddy, that guy that used to live with us" as much as just a familiar voice they've heard come out of the phone a few times recently...sad:(

Opinions? Please

Since the shoe post was one of the more popular ones, I am considering starting a blog simply to showcase my collection of shoes. I love my shoes and like showin' them off as well. It would be updated once a week with a pic of my feetsies in a pair of my shoes. Of course the blog would be titled "The Foot Fetish". So, what do ya think?










Should I start a foot fetish blog?
Yes
No
Other...Please explain.


  

Free polls from Pollhost.com

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Oh, I like this one...

(some of the choices are immature, but I liked the end result)

What's your spiritual animal? http://www.react.com/content.asp?id=209

The Dolphin
The dolphin may seem like the tamest of beasts, but make no mistake-the dolphin is a creature of many hidden talents. Flipper saved more lives than Shamu ever could, and managed to communicate with humans on the side! You are intelligent but never arrogant, and are known for your integrity as well as your smarts. Like the dolphin, you're a social being; people are drawn to your sunny disposition and your compassion. You are the advice-giver amongst your friends. Our advice to you: Don't let the louder animals intimidate or overshadow you. Your quiet gifts are worth as much as their roars.

pant, pant...drool...yum

Last night (way too late at night because it was actually morning...for some reason I have trouble sleeping when I know I have to get up before my boys) I was looking for something to go to sleep to on t.v. when I came across Strip Search on VH1...and this is my reaction: pant, pant...drool...yum;p It is about a search for an All-American Male Review show in Vegas, which in retrospect, was probably not the best show for me to try to fall asleep to.

Now, I don't generally get into reality shows, but these boys (and I will call them boys since I think they were all younger than me) on this show made it worth my while to stay up another hour.

Being in the ultra frisky and amorous mood I've been in lately, watching these guys attempt to impress the hosts with their bodies and dancing/stripping skills was simply irresistible...oh, I'm getting all tingly just thinking about it now. Since they only chose 3 guys when they need 15, I will probably be tuning in again just for that corny, therefore amusing, yet yummy factor.

So ladies, if you're looking for a show with some eye candy...please watch.