Tuesday, November 29, 2005

No, please not again...

I received an interesting phone call this afternoon from IFKAMH. It would seem (according to him) that he now really regrets what he's done and misses me and the boys and would like to work things out and be with me and them again.

For some reason, I can't imagine why (right;>), I don't trust him. The timing seems very peculiar to me. He has now signed the paperwork needed for me to file the divorce, which means he will be paying child support. He knows that I'm preparing to sell the FL house, which is now mine, so he will not be able to benefit from any of the proceeds without being with me. I feel that his reasons for telling me that he's been missing me and about his desire to work things out stem from ulterior motives.

I asked him if DA* knew of his feelings since he didn't tell her about them the last time he felt like this (recall a very similar turnaround from him back in June/July, except then he wanted me to move closer to him). His response? He doesn't care about her. Um, that doesn't really answer the question, now does it?

I am also very worried that he will leave his job before he has another one here. I tried to make it very clear that doing this will do nothing to impress me or show me that he's different, to which he agreed, but it is a fear I have nonetheless. He has said that he applied for a position in Virginia similar to the one he has now, so I guess now it'll be a matter of whether or not he actually waits to be offered the job before he flees his current one.

I just can't believe any of this has happened...again. I have moved on. I am dating again. But, I guess since he doesn't know any of these things, he thinks that I'll just welcome him back. I have agreed to let him know the things he needs to do to start to win me back, although I told him that even if he does everything I ask, I may not be able to take him back...I just don't know if I ever want to at this point, and I'm even less sure if it's actually possible anymore to revive what we once had, let alone make it work.

The paperwork will be here tomorrow, so I'll be signing my parts and promptly sending them to my lawyer, so I hope he doesn't think this little change of heart will prevent me from continuing the divorce because no matter how much he tries, I may not be able to forgive him and may not ever again be able to feel like he is the best man for me.

* DA reference began July 8th with The end is near...


Eunice said...

I don't blame you for being skeptical of his motives. Like you said, it's going to take some work for it to be worth it if you do decide to take him back, and that's still a big fat IF.

He showed you twice already that he had moved on and expected you to do the same. Now that you finally have, how can he expect that you'll just sweep the past 8 months away?

monkee.knows said...

I hate to point this out, but your wording is talking for you. You said 'so I hope he doesn't think this little change of heart will prevent me from continuing the divorce because no matter how much he tries, I may not be able to forgive him and may not ever again be able to feel like he is the best man for me." By saying 'hope' instead of 'he better know that ..." It shows you still have a small inking of hope/chance for him. He has 2 children with you and was doing other people and lied and was supporting his kids the way he should and he put you at risk. You 'may not be able to forgive him?" ACHKKK! You should NEVER forgive him. You can do better. Dont sell yourself short to this jacka*s.

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

I know the wording of this post really didn't do a good job of conveying my feelings on this subject. But, I don't really know how to word it so that it will. Basically, I can't bring myself to say "never" for anything until the time comes. At this point, I have moved on with my life, I'm finding I can definitely enjoy the company of other men, and I can't imagine IFKAMH being my husband again regardless of what he does. If he does do what I ask, like get a place on his own here in VA and goes to counseling to figure out why the hell he did what he did and what not to do in the future and starts to be a good father, then I think these are good things that should happen whether he's with me or not, so I'll give him the glimmer of hope in order to get him on a better path. If I somehow manage to see him in a different light at that time, then so be it, but I really don't see that happening because I don't believe I'll ever be able to trust him the way I need to be able to trust my husband and because it will be so much harder to work on rebuilding with him than it is going to be to build with someone new.

I probably didn't do any better wording this comment than I did the original post to ease anyone's worries of my taking him back, but all I can say is that I can't absolutely rule out any possibilities even though I don't really believe there is any chance of it happening.