Friday, September 30, 2005

I am just way too nice...

Airforce drummer and I (along with two of his married couple friends, so very unlikely he isn't single) went out tonight...well, I guess now it's technically last night, but I just got home half an hour ago. I have learned that he is either not very perceptive or just downright selfish (maybe both). While I did not let his stick inside my shed, he did get a blow job.

I say that he is either not perceptive or selfish because I was trying to give signals that I wasn't interested in that much contact tonight: I refused to take off the shirt I was wearing over my tank top, I said it probably wasn't a good idea for me to kiss his "weak spot" (middle of his chest) since I needed to leave soon, and I avoided touching him anywhere below the belt...until he put my hand there. So, it starts with a hand and ends with a mouth.

I realize that, one, I am too nice...I don't feel right getting a guy all worked up and leaving him to take care of it himself (probably not normal, I know), and two, I have some kind of fear of just saying no to guys. I think that comes from the one time I bothered to say no to sex with a perfect stranger and got ignored. So, on one hand I am not a bitch, and I feel like I would be one to get him excited to the point of erection (whether purposefully or not) and just tell him I won't do anything about it...I know I would be pissed if a guy did that to me, and on the other hand, I feel like I must deserve more respect than this. I keep wondering if he expected that to happen all along or thought I had given off some other signal that said that is what I wanted to do. I can't say I've never been accused of flirting or giving off some sex vibes without realizing it...but am I doomed to premature intimacy with every man I go out with until I learn how to say no? It sort of seems like it.

So, this guy may be good for a night out or some tension relief when needed (due to his seemingly selfish nature, I think he's going to have to relinquinsh some control for me to truly enjoy that act, but he's definitely got certain great physical characteristics for me to work with;>), but I'm thinking that he's definitely not a keeper...too bad, because he's one of those "good on paper" guys for me. I really wasn't even very turned on, and I'm not sure if it was because he seemed to be ignoring my signals above or something else...maybe Sexy Eyes' descriptive email has spoiled me;> He took the time to create such a vivid scene for me that was all about me...the only place my hands touched him in those two pages was his head (the one on top of his neck, for you dirty-minded people out there). That is sexy, and that is what I need right now; I've been taken advantage of by a selfish prick already, I don't need that again...I need a guy that thinks about what turns me on and tries to do it. At least it's a good sign that I realize that much;>

16 comments:

mrblackromantic said...

Waaaay too nice lovely. If he didn't the signals he'd get the hint with his hand on his own johnson watching that porno he hasn't told you about...

Just know that some guys keep a one track mind until you derail them. So be careful next time you go out with him, he'll want more of the same and then some.

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

So much easier said than done for me;>

Michele in Michigan said...

Sorry it wasn't a more emotionally fulfilling evening for you. From what you have written, I think you are on target about his insensitivity. I think he knew exactly that you didn't want to do "that" but pursued it anyway. Boo for him.

And it IS a good thing that you realize that much about him. You DON'T need another selfish prick, even for stress relief. You don't want him to become a habit.

Hang in there. Your "someone" is out there. Kepp looking :)

Eunice said...

RUN!!! After what you've been through, you know that you're not going to lower your standards for anyone. If he's not a keeper, don't keep him around. And how disrespectful of him to assume that you were okay with getting physical when you didn't make a move on him.

Nessa said...

darlin'! Do NOT give this guy another thought!!!! But I came down here first, so let me scroll up and see what has happened :)

Anonymous said...

HI there I've been reading along for some time and have never written you before but I feel like I should say something. I know you may not care coming from someone you have never met or talked to, and that's fine. I read a while back when you were thinking of divorcing your husband that your primary concern was your children. When you went out with this selfish individual and gave him that blow job were you thinking about your children then? I'm sorry if that sounded harsh, but my concern would be the std's that you could catch and possibly transfer to your two beautiful boys. That would be something I would be thinking about when going on a date with a new guy. Trust me I understand wanting to date again, some adult interaction is exactly what you need, but maybe not the sexual side of things quite yet in a brand new relationship.

Anonymous said...

Are you kidding me??? How much less self respect do you have for yourself? Since when do you have to please someone just because you wouldn't want to feel that way? It's not like you had been seeing each other for some time and this happened. You seriously need to think about yourself and most of all what your sons (J & M) think of you. How could you contaminate yourself with his man juice and then spread it back to your sons. You seriously need to get some self esteem and realize that you need to do what is best for your sons and yourself not some random guy you met online.

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

To the first anonymous...how exactly am I going to transfer a sexually transmitted disease to my kids?? I don't have sex with them nor do I exchange bodily fluids with them...I'd think the worst thing they would get is a cold sores herpes virus, and that is quite common.

To the second anonymous...I need self-respect, not self-esteem. I have plenty of self-esteem...I think that I am a wonderful person with lots of great qualities; my problem is respecting myself enough not to let the sexual qualities overrule the others. I have sexual abuse in my past, both as a child and as a teen, so forgive me for having some issues.

Anonymous said...

This is anonymous 1 again. Unless you never kiss your children or never have the possibility of touching them on an open sore, then yes you wouldn't exchange any bodily fluids, but from what I gather you dolove your children and you probably do kiss them. So in turn it is possible to give them something (like HIV for instance). Plus I'm not sure if you were aware of the fact the the herpes virus can cause sterility. So if you never want to have children again or never want to be a grandmother than yes give them a cold sore. Another thing I wasn't just talking about giving them something, I would be thinking of who would truelly raise my children if I was selfish enough to let something happen to me by putting myself at risk like it seems you are willing to do. Oh and in response to what your second anonymous writer was talking about, if you know you have issues in saying no and you are addicted to sex then maybe you would want to seek help. THINK ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

Well, my mother has gotten cold sores, which means she has that virus and can pass it to my children just as easily as I could if I were to get it. You may want to read up on HIV, though...not enough of the virus in saliva to transmit via kissing, especially considering I don't french my kids, just peck. Oh, and I would also have to have an open sore to pass anything to their open sores.

I don't know that I do want any more children, so if the decision were made for me for some reason or another, I wouldn't be devastated.

Neither of you know whether or not I was practicing safe sex, so you really should save your judgement for yourselves. I have sought therapy and have discussed my issues, but no one can change the way I feel but me...it takes time to change the way I have been raised and the way I have acted since I was 7, though.

Lasadh said...

If you're giving him a blow job on the first date, chances are, he doesn't think you're a keeper either.

Also, considering his messages to you were so sexually explicit before you two even met, did you honestly think he'd be interested in you for anything else? ESPECIALLY now that you've made it clear that you're so easy?

Wake up chica. If you don't demand a little respect up front, no guy will respect you. Why should he bother trying to please you? He obviously got what he wanted with very little effort, didn't he?

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

Wow, Sherri...thanks for at least putting your name to your comment, but you might want to pay a bit more attention to detail.

First, this was not our first date. Second, there was never anything sexually explicit about his emails to me...that one was from the sexy guy, who actually was much better behaved than this one;> And third, he did have to put some effort into getting what he wanted...I didn't touch him, he put my hand on his package, he undressed himself, he was the one acting like I was just shy rather than reading the numerous signals I tried to give to indicate I didn't want to.

Dating is extremely new to me, and while I had promised myself I wouldn't let things get out of control, I didn't this time. But, you know what, it was a wake-up call, and my actions have already shown that I've learned a lot from that one night about how to handle myself.

Oh, and a woman can still be a "keeper" regardless of what she does and when. IFKAMH married me and stuck around for a number of years, and we had sex on our first date;>

Lasadh said...

OK, my mistake. So many guys and so much activity -- guess I can't keep it all straight.

Online dating sites are NOTORIOUS for just being a means for people to hook up, and that's essentially what they've become over the past 4 or 5 years. I'd say a decent majority of guys on those sites are either cruising for an easy lay or a married guy looking for an affair. If they're interested in launching into sex (or sexually detailed emails, or sending nude photos) right off the bat, I'd say that's a huge red flag you should pay attention to if you're really trying to establish limits for yourself. Be prepared for a lot of these men to just want to fuck and run. Perhaps you should try a different approach to dating. Or if you're really having a lot of trouble working out your issues with your past experiences, I'd suggest laying ofr the dating altogether and seeking some counseling and then trying again once you've figured out how to approach dating and sex a bit more responsibly.

Buffalo said...

Just read the comments on your post re the bj. While possibly well intended some of them were down right ugly, certainly judgmental and mostly way out of line.

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

Thanks, Buf...that's exactly how I felt about them, too.

Anonymous said...

Anon #3-
As Oprah says, "when you know better, you do better." It's not like you're the first girl to put out on a first date and now that you know how it made you feel and that you are strong enough to not go there, you will (and have) made better choices. Props to you.