Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Dare go bare?

So, my Christmas present from my mom and stepdad was laser hair removal on two areas. This is something on my wish list if I were to win a significant amount of money...could I be dreaming?!? I'm doing underarm and bikini. I currently have the basically bare with a small patch above on the bikini area. I am now struggling with whether I want to hang on to that patch or just let it go. It has dwindled in size over the years and after being completely removed for a couple months while I was pregnant and couldn't see enough area to leave a patch, it is a little spotty. So, I figure I'll let anyone who wants to chime in with their opinion while I try to decide;>

Dare I go bare?
Get rid of it all
Leave the patch


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And we made it through Christmas 2005...

Hope everyone has had a wonderful winter holiday.

We had my stepdad's family over here on Christmas Eve. Dinner was ham, turkey, dressing, greenbean casserole (yippee!), sweet potato casserole, corn salad (really delicious), mashed potatoes with gravy, and mashed rutabaga. I was thoroughly stuffed to capacity with one serving...had to wait at least three hours before thinking about dessert;> Most of the adults did a couple of shots. Stepdad called them "orgasms", but that may not be the correct name. They had coffee liquor (like Kahlua), some kind of butterscotch-tasting liquor, vodka, and french vanilla creamer...not in that order, and I'm about 98% sure that was everything. I took mine like a shot as I was supposed to...yummy with a warm-feeling after-effect. Navy sweetie (who will now be called NS for simplicity's sake) came by just as people started leaving. It was very strange with the timing of it all...who has a party that is over in two hours when it started at 3 in the afternoon (especially when we just did some shots half an hour before)?!? He and I exchanged our Christmas presents. I got him a blue sweater from Express. I had the hardest time finding what I wanted. I knew I wanted to get him a sweater, either green or blue. I found some that I just loved but couldn't find in his size, so I ended up at Express and originally had the sweater in gray but exchanged it at a different mall for the blue. He also got me a sweater...a cream-colored Banana Republic cashmere sweater. This is ironic to me because a few days before we settled on the idea of exchanging presents he had gone shopping with one of his friends, who needed to get his wife something. We discussed the shopping trip the night of (that was the ice-skating night;>). His friend was looking at the cashmere sweaters for his wife but ended up getting an angora one instead because it was softer and about $30 cheaper. NS said that the cashmere just didn't seem special enough for the price-tag...yet this is what he decides to get me;> I remember clearly agreeing with him on the decision for angora over cashmere and cashmere not being worth its expensiveness, even elaborating on the fact that I'd owned angora sweaters myself that were wonderfully soft. I couldn't help but wonder what the message was supposed to be - You like me more than your friend likes his wife? or Simply trying to buy the best as he would for himself...that's probably really what was going on, but it still seems very funny to me;> At any rate, I am sure he spent at least double what I spent on his (which was nearly double what I had wanted to spend), and that just seems like a lot for someone he's been dating for like 6 weeks...maybe, I really think it's more like 5. Anyway...Christmas day was a whirlwind of sorts. Presents at home in morning, more presents at home with stepsister in afternoonm, then even more presents and dinner at my grandma's house. Boys got a ton of stuff and actually got tired of opening gifts during the morning session, so I had to unwrap for them as well as me...could certainly think of worse problems to have;>

So, here are some pictures of M and J over the Christmas weekend.

First...the reindeer
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A very unenthusiastic santa child (M)...
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The Fisher Price Pop-Onz (way more fun than Legos, in my opinion) Engineer (J)...
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And finally, two of the coolest toddlers ever...
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Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I have determined my camera is not good at capturing bruises...

But here they are anyway, my bruised knees. At least they don't really hurt anymore;>

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Saturday, December 17, 2005

I had no idea it had been so long since I posted...

Sorry about that;>

Well, my boys turned two last Sunday. There was a small party thrown here at the house with my mom, stepdad (who shares their birthday), and grandparents...and of course the boys and me. They had a lot of fun and got a ton of stuff, which they will get more of in just another week;>

Navy sweetie is still in the picture, and actually things have progressed rather quickly. He has met my mom and stepdad...and even the boys! While it does feel right, it still scares me to death how quickly things have developed. I had no clue how commitment-phobic I had become until the issue was staring me in the face. So, I am not seeing anyone else anymore (and even changed my personals profile to "unavailable") because I really don't need to...and just don't have the time;> My mom and stepdad haven't spent a lot of time with him but like him so far. Boys haven't spent much time with him either but really seem to like him a lot (scary, scary, scary!). He got them a few toys for their birthday, which they opened on Monday night before we went to a movie...a Sit and Spin (glad I never ended up buying one now;>) and some Mr. Potato Head stuff, which they really enjoy (good thing, 'cause Santa's bringing more).

Wednesday night, he came to hang out at the house since I thought it wasn't a good idea to go out because my stepdad was out of town overnight. It was right about bedtime when he got there. J didn't want to go to bed at that moment, and I figured I would just take M up and come back for J, but Navy sweetie just brought him up and started helping me get them ready. He was even prepared to change J's stinky (and I do mean stinky) diaper, but I stepped in since it would go much faster for me. The boys didn't really stay asleep much that night before midnight, which is when he left, so we didn't really spend too much time together, but it was nice that he was willing to do it and would do it again whenever I want.

We went to his boat's Christmas party on Thursday night. It was a decent amount of fun even though the food was significantly less than delicious. We sat with guys that he worked with and their wives and another guy. Besides that guy, I was the oldest person at the table (not by much, just a year), but it didn't feel like it, which was very nice because I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. We went dancing afterwards at a local club that was having ladies' night. He's a pretty good dancer (better than some of the guys I danced with in GA anyway;>), so it was a lot of fun. Oh, and we were all pretty tipsy (free beer and wine), which probably upped the enjoyment of it all. And, yes, we had a lovely evening back at the hotel;>

Yesterday, we went snowboarding with a couple of his friends. It was great...I fell down all day but did manage to make it down the mountain one time, which was his goal for me. I was totally exhausted by the end of my lesson and went to the lodge to sleep for about half an hour while the guys went and acted stupid;> I'm only mildly sore from it all, but I've got some nice bruises on my knees from falling onto rock-solid ice patches (the least enjoyable falling experience of the day, I assure you). I'll probably take some pictures tonight or tomorrow when I know they're in their fullest black and blue beauty.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

He can't really be that stupid...yeah, I guess he can

IFKAMH flew in today for a job interview. He called from Atlanta and asked if I was going to pick him up or if he'd need to rent a car. I said I didn't have enough gas to go to the airport nor enough money to get enough gas, so he'd better rent the car. He was expecting me to be excited for him to be here and to want to see him...not quite. I told him that I wasn't sure I wanted to see him while he was here. Besides...I'd made plans to hang out with Navy sweetie this afternoon since he'd get off work early after having had duty yesterday. So, he starts calling me around 1230 when he arrives at the airport. I don't answer since I'm getting ready to go meet Navy sweetie. I call him back around 130 to tell him that I wouldn't have time to meet him before his interview since I've got errands to run for my mom. He asked if we could meet afterwards. I simply told him to call me then, and I'd let him know. He called a few times while I was with Navy sweetie, and then my phone started dying, so I turned it off. So, I managed to avoid him. We certainly had an interesting conversation tonight (while he's stuck here because of problems with the plane). He really doesn't get it. He seems to believe that I could just forgive what happened and be happy that he wants to work things out now. I told him he's just going to have to work very hard at proving he's the kind of man I'd like to be married to, and if my feelings for him change as a result, then we can work things out, but that will be an unlikely possibility in my mind. So, I said some things that he considered to be harsh, but they are only the truth and what I really feel. I don't imagine that I could ever be happily married to him again. I think I would always be questioning things, and I don't want to live like that, which is why it is very unlikely he could ever do anything that would make me think it's a good idea to take him back. He even begged me not to make this the biggest mistake of his life. I explained that I haven't done anything to him...everything that has happened between us the past 8 months and everything I feel about him now is a result of his actions. He seems to believe in his warped mind that I still love him and that I don't think I can find someone better. He even tried to convince me I should say that I don't want to be with someone else...yeah, right. I would love to be with someone else that wouldn't even contemplate doing the things he's done to me and his children.

Anyway, IFKAMH got the job, so I guess he will be moving here after he gets a new car and a place to live.

Navy sweetie and I had an even more enjoyable time this afternoon (for me anyhow...I know he was tired afterwards, which I think is a good thing for a guy;>) and will be exchanging Christmas gifts this year...I think I have a potential boyfriend in him (never would've imagined);>

Monday, December 05, 2005

Look...I found a new quiz;>

What Is Your Best Sexual Skill?
Flirting Skill Level - 28%
Kissing Skill Level - 74%
Cudding Skill Level - 59%
Sex Skill Level - 62%
Why They Love You You are too sexy for words.
Why They Hate YouYou bite.
This QuickKwiz by lady_wintermoon - Taken 4251345 Times.
New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology and Horoscopes

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

I got a package in the mail this weekend from my former mother-in-law. One of the items for me was a pair of light-up reindeer antlers. They were meant to be able to distract and entertain the boys long enough to snap a couple pictures of them in the elf hats that she sent for them, but once I put them on, M wanted to wear them himself...

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Could you believe such a sweet-looking child would have been capable of attacking me with a rattle earlier that morning? He hit me right in the face with the rattle, causing a lot of pain and leaving a beautiful mark...

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In case that one isn't clear enough, here it is highlighted with a red box (gosh it looks so much worse in person since the camera is too blurry that close to my face)...

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While I don't think he actually inteded to cause me any pain, he still lost his rattle privileges for the day;>

Oops...didn't get home 'til 6 in the morning

The surprise Navy sweetie wanted to do Saturday was the zoo, but since I wasn't able to leave until after 5, and the zoo closed at 6, that didn't work out. So, he came up with a different surprise.

We started with dinner. I was craving Chinese, so he was going to take me to P.F. Chang's since that was close to where the new suprise was going to be. After I get to his house, he tells me that he called for reservations (around 545pm) and the earliest time available was 930pm! Four hours to wait for food wasn't going to work for us, so we ended up at a Chinese buffet place that his roommates recommended. It was delicious.

After dinner, we end up at a mall...this was not helping me figure out the "outdoor activity" surprise he had in mind. As we leave the mall to go to where we're supposed to be, he tells me that we are going ice skating. He didn't think this was something I had done before and half thought I was going to be clinging to the wall and hating him for dragging me there. Well, he was pretty far off about that. I have been ice skating at least a few times, and I don't cling to the wall and certainly don't hate it. It's pretty much like roller skating, and I used to do that every weekend in middle school, so I got to be fairly good at it. So, after I've done such a good job impressing him with my average ice-skating abilities, I get my skate caught on the ice (which was in desparate need of resurfacing) and fall flat on my back. Other than a sore hip and being covered in icy snowy stuff, I was fine and laughed it off. This was about the time we decided to stop skating and head to the movie. Immediately after we return our skates, they call everyone off the ice to send out the zamboni for resurfacing...figures;>

We saw Just Friends, which was funny with a perfectly sweet ending, of course. We have mastered the perfect cuddling position by now, too;>

After we got back to his house, there was more sweet and gentle kissing, and then he had me lay down for a back rub...very nice. Following this and a great deal more kissing, I now know that he is just as sweet and gentle a lover as he is a kisser;>

Unfortunately, I was exhausted from this night of activity and so slept for a while and didn't leave his place until after 5 and got back home just a few minutes shy of 6 in the morning. This was not what time my mom and stepdad thought I would get home...actually, they thought I would be home earlier than the night before when I got in around 3. So, now I have had to agree that I will be in by 2am in order to continue getting free babysitting, and we have to have some sort of schedule of "my" nights so that they know when they can have "their" nights. There have been plenty of nights they could have done something but didn't, so I kind of took offense to the implication that my dating has interferred with their ability to go out, but whatever. My main concern with the curfew (besides the obvious one of my being an adult and should be free to decide how much activity I squeeze into a night and how much sleep I'm willing to lose any given night) was Navy sweetie's Christmas party next Thursday because I know I wasn't planning on being home by 2. I explained this to my mother after having a discussion regarding the reason for this rule with both her and my stepdad (who thought the curfew should be midnight/1am). She said that would be fine because she would rather have us be there than driving after having been drinking. I said that was the main reason that I was upset about the curfew because I wanted to make sure that there could be exceptions made for certain events. So, now we have an agreement that will work until I am living on my own again.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

I think I'll stop calling him Navy boy...

This 24 year-old "boy", as I've referred to him, has been the best guy I've met from yahoo so far. He didn't rush into physical contact with me, which I would have thought a guy in his 20s would do more often than one in his 30s. So, after four dates, we finally kissed. After our first date ended without so much as a hug, I suspected it might have been because he was shy and wouldn't be making the first move, but after our subsequent dates, I just really believe someone taught him to be respectful and patient, which is incredibly sweet and endearing. His lips are soft, and the kisses were gentle and tender and very enjoyable. Now, I know we have physical chemistry, too, so I like him even more.

I know the Christmas party we're going to on the 15th is at a hotel on the beach and that he'll be taking the Navy's deal for a cheap room since they will be serving free alcohol;> I have a feeling that there may be more than sleeping off the booze going on that night, though.

He's also planning a snowboarding/skiing (one or the other) trip for us in January. I've never been but would be willing to try, so let's hope he continues to be a Navy sweetie;>

Oh, and we had dinner at Romano's Macaroni Grill, which I adore but can never seem to find someone that likes it enough to go with me. Even though they don't have my favorite dish anymore, the chicken cannelloni that I did have was mmmmm, mmmm, good;p

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Couldn't have a better excuse than that...

Remember the Friday-night-guy that I thought had written me off as a tease? Well, as it turns out, one of his friends died. So, looks like he really meant it when he said he'd like to go on a second date, and we're going to plan something for next week.

And since he may start to become a regular on here, a picture;>

I am so pissed at my phone...

I guess it's the phone...or maybe "the network" isn't as great with text message deliveries as it is for phone calls.

I missed a text from Navy boy yesterday saying that he was going to rest up so that we could have fun this weekend (that was the general idea anyhow). But, we ended up chatting online last night, so it wasn't too big a deal. We are going to dinner and a comedy club tomorrow night, and he's surprising me on Saturday. I think it may be a zoo since his hint was that it involves animals, and I know it's outside since he said I'd need a coat. Don't have to wait too long to find out at least. And he's invited me to be his date for his boat's Christmas party on the 15th. He called me this afternoon to ask. I'm sure it'll be fun, so I accepted, of course;>

Tonight, I found out I missed another message on Monday from my Navy kayaker about us getting together this week. I'd thought he had been busy or was trying to give me a hint (although it was his suggestion we get together after his trip), and now I find out that he thought I was trying to give him a hint:( Now, I've got plans tomorrow night and Saturday with Navy boy, and my mom has a Christmas party on Sunday, so I won't be able to see him until next week.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

For those that may have been concerned...

M is feeling much better. His energy has returned full-force;>

3rd date with the Navy boy...

And he is still as sweet as ever;>

We went to see The Ice Harvest. I thought it was terrific...a wonderful mix of emotional responses: laughter, shocked gasps, pitiful "awww"s;> We cuddled through most of the movie, and he gave me a nice shoulder rub. I don't usually enjoy shoulder/back rubs because my body rarely seems tense enough to need that kind of attention, but I guess I needed it tonight because it felt pretty great.

After the movie we went to Cold Stone Creamery for dessert since we didn't have time to catch dinner before the movie. This was the first time I'd been, and I can say I will definitely return...best ice cream ever! I had Cherry Loves Cheesecake, which was cheesecake ice cream with black cherries, chocolate chips, and hot fudge mixed in....mmmm, yummy;>

Since he caught a cold while he was visiting his family in Chicago, I still didn't get a "real" kiss goodnight...just another one on the cheek with a hug. No complaints because I really have been lucky to remain healthy while everyone I know seems to be sick, but the kiss is usually how I determine if there's a good physical chemistry, so I'm looking forward to it when he's feeling better.

No, please not again...

I received an interesting phone call this afternoon from IFKAMH. It would seem (according to him) that he now really regrets what he's done and misses me and the boys and would like to work things out and be with me and them again.

For some reason, I can't imagine why (right;>), I don't trust him. The timing seems very peculiar to me. He has now signed the paperwork needed for me to file the divorce, which means he will be paying child support. He knows that I'm preparing to sell the FL house, which is now mine, so he will not be able to benefit from any of the proceeds without being with me. I feel that his reasons for telling me that he's been missing me and about his desire to work things out stem from ulterior motives.

I asked him if DA* knew of his feelings since he didn't tell her about them the last time he felt like this (recall a very similar turnaround from him back in June/July, except then he wanted me to move closer to him). His response? He doesn't care about her. Um, that doesn't really answer the question, now does it?

I am also very worried that he will leave his job before he has another one here. I tried to make it very clear that doing this will do nothing to impress me or show me that he's different, to which he agreed, but it is a fear I have nonetheless. He has said that he applied for a position in Virginia similar to the one he has now, so I guess now it'll be a matter of whether or not he actually waits to be offered the job before he flees his current one.

I just can't believe any of this has happened...again. I have moved on. I am dating again. But, I guess since he doesn't know any of these things, he thinks that I'll just welcome him back. I have agreed to let him know the things he needs to do to start to win me back, although I told him that even if he does everything I ask, I may not be able to take him back...I just don't know if I ever want to at this point, and I'm even less sure if it's actually possible anymore to revive what we once had, let alone make it work.

The paperwork will be here tomorrow, so I'll be signing my parts and promptly sending them to my lawyer, so I hope he doesn't think this little change of heart will prevent me from continuing the divorce because no matter how much he tries, I may not be able to forgive him and may not ever again be able to feel like he is the best man for me.

* DA reference began July 8th with The end is near...

I am a genius!

Just kidding, but I did pass the Verizon test yesterday;>

I was really worried that I'd be expected to troubleshoot some complex network problems on my own with no multiple choice answers to choose from based on what the second test I took was like. I couldn't have been more wrong and worried for no reason at all. This test was obviously testing your ability to speak on the phone and use a computer at the same time. The troubleshooting steps were all on the computer for me; I just had to answer the phone and walk the customer through the information and fill in the trouble ticket. It was incredibly easy, so I passed.

The next step was to fill out the application. Now, I just wait 10-14 days to hear back. As long as their background check isn't as unforgiving as the government one, I should be getting an interview...or a job offer;>

Sunday, November 27, 2005

We were supposed to go to grandma's house for my family's Thanksgiving...

Instead, I spent four hours of my day at the urgent care clinic with M this morning/afternoon. He has an infection in both ears. My poor baby was just so miserable this weekend.

It started on Friday when I got a call from daycare to come pick him up because he just wasn't acting like himself. My mom and I had been shopping, so we arrived at the daycare together to find him sleeping on a little bean-bag chair, pale as could be. He didn't even want to wake up. When we got home, he was given some medicine and then a few crackers to eat. He promptly vomitted a few minutes later...all over himself, his puppy (God forbid anything happen to this one-eared, nose-coming-off, stuffed puppy so that he doesn't have it at bedtime), and me;> He stayed in on Saturday and seemed in good enough spirits, but this morning, he was definitely not well...completely drained of his normal over-abundance of toddler energy. He just wanted to lay on me. So, I took him to urgent care around 10:30 this morning, thinking that I'd be early enough to be able to get him home in time for nap if not lunch...yeah, right. The place was packed. I got one of two empty seats when I arrived. No matter how many people got called back and left, the place just filled right back up. They began bringing out additional chairs to accommodate the crowd. M decided he was tired of sitting in a chair with me and preferred to now sit in my lap on the floor, so that is what we did. This still left the place full...unbelievable. I guess they did not plan for a busy day (don't they know everyone gets sick and injured during holiday weekends when doctors aren't available?!?) because there was only one doctor on duty for the first two and half hours of our three hour wait to be called to the back. So, abour four hours after I left the house with him, we arrive home with another hour wait from the pharmacy for the prescriptions to be ready;>

So, I go back to the pharmacy after the hour is up to get M's drugs. Now I am told that they have been unable to confirm prescription coverage for him. I only have an insurance card that IFKAMH sent, no prescription card. I remember this issue before about there being a separate company for prescription billing, so I dig out my paper copy of the insurance information from the sickness of the summer and give her the prescription company. She calls but still can't get the confirmation...terrific! Oh, by the way, since I dropped off in the drive-thru, I went to pick up in the drive-thru...knowing this when I left the house, I was wearing fuzzy green slippers as I stand at the pharmacy counter for approximately half an hour trying to get IFKAMH on the phone and help the pharmacy tech get the confirmation so I don't have to pay full price;> Well, I ended up having to pay full price ($158.98 for an anitbiotic and a cough medicine!!) with the option to come back within 7 days with the information they need to bill the insurance and get a refund.

Thankfully, IFKAMH took my calls seriously and called me shortly after I got back from the pharmacy, so I now have the information they need and can return tomorrow to take care of it, but what a pain...all I wanted was to make a quick trip to be able to get the drugs to make my little man feel better. They better work;>

Wish me luck...

I have my third test for the Verizon job tomorrow morning. It is supposed to be a customer support role-play test, which should be easy for me as long as it is not job-specific customer support;> I printed some stuff I found online about network troubleshooting to study, but after reading through the overview I'm not sure how much it's really going to relate to the job for Verizon, so the studying may not really do me much good tomorrow should the test involve actual network troubleshooting examples. Can't hurt, though.

I didn't get the job that needed the background check. The background check was for government security clearance, and they apparently frown upon financial difficulties, regardless of the reason. Another reason for me to not be nice to IFKAMH. If not for his life crisis (I would say mid-life since that's really what it seemed like, but I'm not sure he's really old enough for that...but maybe his body knows he'll be gone before 60, who knows?), I wouldn't have not been able to pay those bills nor would I ever have had to consider filing bankruptcy in order to feel like I could support myself and my children without him. Sad that something like that would ruin my chances for a job that he felt I was otherwise qualified for, but I guess everything happens for a reason, and it really wasn't the job for me. So, now I really want to get this Verizon job more than ever...wish me luck;>

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Turkey Day went well

My boys and I spent Thanksgiving with my mom, her husband, and his family. Dinner was hosted by one of his sisters (he has 3). It was good, but I really missed cooking this year. Thanksgiving has to be my absolute favorite time to cook. I love getting the turkey and all the other ingredients and preparing a wonderful meal that will last at least a week;> I love making homemade mashed potatoes with the skin and lumps still in them. They had no greenbean casserole, which is a complete no-no for my dinner. Honestly, there was nothing green at the table except the green jello salad, which looked incredibly gross...kind of like a ball of seafoam in a glass bowl with some fruit garnish on top. The only pumpkin pie there was store-bought, and while mine isn't made from scratch, it is prepared using the perfect recipe on the Libby's can and would have been fresh from the oven. But...even though it wasn't my type of Thanksgiving dinner, it was still very good. The boys were angels, too, which was a true blessing considering they didn't take a nap during the drive down like they should have;>

5 Things I Am Very Thankful For This Year:

-Two healthy, growing boys
-Wonderful family (especially my mom and grandmother) that loves me
-My bestest friends that are really my sisters in spirit
-My health and the fact that I feel very blessed
-IFKAMH signed the paperwork!!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Yeah...this is a REAL nice guy...

That title is drenched in sarcasm, by the way;>

To give you the background of the instant messenger conversation below...this guy contacted me a week ago. He just sent me an IM through Yahoo Personals. He finally let me see his yahoo profile...everything looked alright, but he had "I'll tell you later" for his height. Well, he's 5'5". Trying not to be too superficial, even though I don't see myself being able to have a relationship with someone less than 5'8" (and that's very borderline), I continued to talk with him. It gets to the point that he wants to talk on the phone. I don't want to give my number to him but said he could give me his number. Now, this was the night before my last date with the 31 year-old kayaker. I told this new guy that I had a date the next night but should be able to call him on Thursday. Now, I put his number in my phone...at least I thought this is what I did. I start to call him on Thursday while I was on my way to pick up my boys and find his number is not in my phone. I sent him an IM that night (actually it was a response to his message to me, although I wasn't online, that said the date must have been really good since he didn't hear from me) explaining that I didn't have his number in my phone like I thought but that I would try to call the next day since I should still have the paper on which I originally wrote the number down. Well, as it turned out, my mom and I spent the day shopping on Friday (just like we had done on Thursday after my interview), so I didn't get a chance to call during the day...and I had thrown out the paper that had his number on it. I sent him an IM Friday as well explaining this, and he seemed to be okay with it and gave me the number again. This time I checked my phone a couple times to ensure that it did save. We chatted a bit that night before he went to rent a movie with his friend. Before the conversation ended, I said that I wouldn't be able to call on Saturday because I knew I was going to be busy (grocery shopping, errands, and the date with Navy boy) but that Sunday should work for me.

Now, Friday night, he sends me a message (while I'm offline) asking if I didn't get the number this time. Then, he sends me three messages on Saturday (while I'm offline) asking if we're still getting together this weekend, asking if I'm trying to blow him off, and asking if he should stop talking to me because this was getting embarrassing (yes, it was). Sunday ended up being busy for me, too, since I went out with Navy boy again, so I didn't get a chance to call, and I was getting a little weirded out by his offline messages to me, so I didn't send him a message because I didn't know what I wanted to say...afterall, he seemed to think that we had made some sort of plans that I never knew about and despite my clearly stating that I had a busy day planned Saturday, he felt it necessary to send me messages as though I should have been online or should have called him. Yesterday morning I had another message from him asking if this was supposed to be a hint. My response was that it wasn't but I was reconsidering meeting him. The following is what took place after I sent him that message (his username was changed since I am really a nice person):

short man: How come all of a sudden the change of mind?
short man: Something I did? Maybe it will help me figure out why women keep doing this?
woowoo: Well, I am still seeing the other guy that I went out with last week...we've made plans to see each other again when he gets back in town after the holiday...but something I would suggest you work on is being less persistent...most women, like myself, are more attracted to a man with confidence...being so persistent makes you seem a little insecure, impatient, and even a little desperate (all turn-offs for me a[nd] probably most other women)...the attention is flattering, but most of your messages sounded as if you didn't think you could hold my attention rather than just saying hi...you also read more into some things i said than what was written...
woowoo: like you thought we had made plans to get together this past weekend when all i had written was that i probably couldnt call you on saturday because i knew i had a busy day but that sunday might be better...as it turned out, sunday was also busy for me
woowoo: so, i just dont think we are going to be a good match, which is why i've changed my mind about meeting...i hope you understand...i wish you the best of luck in finding the woman that's right for you because you seem like a nice and caring man but just not the right type of personality to mesh with mine
short man: Funny I drink once a month {what...when did I mention drinking??}.. however that last girl that blew me off told me I paid too much attention to her and that I was too confident almost borderline cocky and I acted to her the same way I act to you. I was always told if you are interested in someone show them.. anyway I can see why they call it a dating game. I can also see your very quick to pass judgement and you say I read into things.. you basically read into me and everything I did.. which is coo.. you turned out to be like every other woman around here which solidifies my theory on VA women.. but thanks for wishing me luck.
short man: I was definitly not insecure and worried about hodling your attention.. If you paid me any and kept your word it would have been different. You throw mad mixed signals and you are flakey as hell. I would say that guy your seeing is lucky but he isnt. How is this for confident.. Your a single mom (dime a dozen) in the pregnancy captiol of VA {don't know how this applies to me as I didn't even get pregnant here, and I was married when I got pregnant...guess he forgot about my telling him these things}. Chances are I was the best guy that will come along the shit spot town of {my town} to pick you up..There is a reason your a sigle mom with two kids who still plays games at her age and this guy will see it like the rest and youll end up single again browsing yahoo personals in hope of finding someone who cant handle your mixed up self Good luck to you {Woo Woo}. If I sound bitter.. I am extremely tired of women like you.
woowoo: well, you definitely sound bitter...i'm really sorry you've had such a rough time finding the woman that's right for you (try finding the one that you think is right and building a life with her only to find out you were very wrong and have your life crumble around you and having to pick up the pieces and start over when you haven't really done anything like this before...because that is what i've done)...you have only proven to me that we are not a good match because while i was only trying to tell you my reasons for changing my mind (since you asked) and then wished you well in the future because you "seemed" like a nice and caring man...you have done exactly the opposite, so maybe i was wrong about that, too...
woowoo: and i don't see how being a busy mom that can't be online when you are or find enough time to call you right away and just generally being honest with you means i'm playing games...i would say i'm sorry that i couldn't call when i originally promised, but i guess i'm not afterall...everything happens for a reason is what i've always believed
short man: Well I am nice but you wont know that. However should I be nice to someone who said she was going to call 4 times and didnt even send a quick message? I doubt you do that to the guy your dating now. I asked you before. If your too busy just let me know. but i was raised with something called common courtesy. Maybe your used to scumbag guys, however if you tell someone you are going to do something. You follow through. Im a simple guy and I am nice but you have been pretty mean to me, so I am sorry you didnt get the nice side. Im sorry your life crumbled around you, That isnt my fault though and all I wanted to do was take you out. You didnt give me a very fair chance. You didnt get to know me, and you passed judgemtn on me unfairly so your right.. things happen for a reason
short man: I definitly am done meeting women online becuase they have more issues then the ones you meet at bars!

Now maybe it's just me, but I highly doubt that any woman would have thought the kind of messages he sent me before these showed any kind of confidence...all of his offline messages to me seemed to imply that he thought he wasn't keeping my attention or that I was blowing him off. I'm sure he's really just a nice guy like he claims...who wouldn't think that about a guy who basically says that a woman is a single mom because she's a horrible person and that she'll never find a good relationship just because she is no longer convinced that he might be a good match for her?!? Seems like he's got quite a few issues of his own, like learning to read and count properly (I did not promise to call 4 times...only 3, and I did explain to him as soon as possible each time, except the last, why I couldn't call). Whew...guess I rescued myself with this one;> Needless to say, he's now among the "ignore list" on my yahoo messenger.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Well, that's different...

I met the 24 year-old Navy boy on Saturday. We went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant and then went bowling...I had hoped for dancing, but bowling was really fun, too. We had a great time. Something very different with this guy from every other guy that I've met so far...he didn't make a single move the entire night. He didn't even try for a hug at the end of the night, much less a kiss;> It was very sweet.

We went to a movie and dinner yesterday, too. More fun for both of us. He did put his arm around me towards the end of the movie...also went for the hug at the end of the night, and a kiss on the cheek. He seems like he's a bit shy around women, but it's nice because it makes him very respectful.

Other than his being young and in the Navy, he really has a lot of things that I'm looking for...like his parents are still happily married;>

Thursday, November 17, 2005

No, no, just no...not going to work at the funeral home

After the interview this morning, I've decided I definitely cannot pursue that job. I think it would be a very emotionally-draining job for me, and I'm not willing to put myself through the torture. I am way too happy and smiley of a person to deal with death every day. I also get a little emotional around emotional people, especially when there is a loss of a loved one involved. I remember a time when my mom was working in the hospital and I went with her to pick up something. I was in the family waiting area. There was a young man's family there that was waiting to hear news of his condition. I recall how positive they all were and the comments they made about him pulling through and everything being okay...and then I remember over-hearing the doctor just outside the waiting room as my mom and I left preparing to tell them that he didn't pull through. I cried on the ride down in the elevator just thinking of how devastating that news would be for his family. I could never deal with that kind of emotion every day...never.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Men, men, and more men...

I had two dates last Friday and one on Saturday. Neither of the guys from Friday were any of the ones posted about before. Saturday was with the Navy kayaker.

Friday afternoon...very creepy guy. We went to lunch, during most of which he stared at my hair. He has a thing for long hair and didn't even bother to try to hide his interest in mine. He's also too much of a sci-fi freak for my liking and kept implying things about meeting my children. Overall, just made me uneasy. We also went to see Chicken Little...cute and funny (not exactly what I think a man should choose for a first date).

Friday night...guy seemed nice enough. Mexican for dinner, and a movie (Derailed...thought it was much better than the newspaper review) after. We did go back to his house to hang out for a little while, and he was quite the gentleman...always asking permission. We were well-behaved, though...I really didn't want to be, and I know he didn't. But, now I think he may have thought I was a tease because I haven't heard from him since the day after...and that contact was just a message to ask for my number. Oh well, his loss if he gives up so soon.

Saturday night...quite fun. Started with drinks at a bar. His best friend ended up being there with his date (this may have been planned as his escape in case I wasn't quite who I said I was, if you know what I mean). The four of us went back to his place to drink a little cheaper...had pina coladas, which I haven't had in a while (yummy;>). We are going to a movie tomorrow night.

And on a side note...there is a married guy with a 14 month-old daughter that is trying to convince me (via instant messaging) to have an affair with him. He knows my story, so I can't understand why he think I'd even consider doing the same thing to another woman...I really don't understand the thought process of cheaters. I feel so incredibly bad for his wife because I'm sure she's as clueless as I was.

Oh, and Mr. Sexy is still making his weekly phone call to let me know he's thinking about me and would love to see me if he only had time...I didn't actually get to talk to him last time because I was talking to the Navy kayaker, but he left this info in a voicemail. Not sure what to think about it all. Mostly feels like he's just trying to stay on my good side so that he won't get rejected whenever he does decide to make the time to see me, but then again, he could have some weird idea that his being unavailable and aloof will make me want him more...that crap doesn't work on me, though, so maybe I'll try to tell him as much so he can stop it if that's his goal. I don't consider myself high-maintenance or needy, but I sure as hell need more attention than that to sustain interest in someone.

I've gotten to have a lot of choices through Yahoo. May be meeting a couple other guys in the next week or so...I'll let y'all know.

Job Outlook...

For starters, I found the Verizon job posting. I went last week and passed the first two of three tests. I honestly don't know how I passed the second one because most of the questions made little to no sense to me and I was just doing my best guesswork. I ended up being one of 8 people to pass out of 24 that took it...and the only female. I am taking the third test on the 28th. Wish me luck;>

Yesterday's job fair was decent enough. There were a ton of employers there, but not many had good jobs available that I want. The last booth we stopped at was promising, though. I just wanted to find out who the company was because it was just initials. I ended up with an interview scheduled for this morning. The job is a help desk support position. The company has a contract with the Navy for their intranet. The interview was unlike any I've ever had. There wasn't a question asked that had anything to do with my personality. He only asked 5-7 questions about computer stuff, some I got right, some I didn't, and had me rate my expertise on different things. Since he's going to try to move ahead with the background check, I'll take that as a good sign.

I also have an interview Thursday morning with a funeral home. I'd be selling funeral packages. It pays salary plus commission, but I'm not really sure how comfortable I'd be with it...we'll see how the interview goes, I guess.

That's the latest on that aspect of life.

Monday, November 14, 2005

I am still here, and I will write again

I have not died, been kidnapped and/or murdered, or started working, but I have a lot to update and no time to write it. I promise to do it soon, though.

Maybe tomorrow will work for me...I say that every day now (it's bound to be true one time, though);>

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

And now the career update...

So, my mom and I went to a job fair tonight...very disappointing for the most part. Only four companies there, two of which were of no interest to us. The other two seem okay, but then again, may turn out not to be what they're cracked up to be. We'll be attending another one next week that looks to be more promising.

I am keeping my eyes peeled for a position with some division of Verizon. The starting pay is supposed to be awesome with a full benefits package.

The substitute teaching thing is still a possiblity (waiting on my transcripts), but the pay scale kind of worries me.

And finally, I am trying to get in with a few home-based companies...not the scams, but actual companies that hire people to do work from home (like data entry and employment reference verification). I figured out that making $8/hour for 20 hours a week would leave me more money in the end than making $10/hour at 40 hours a week and having to fork over those daycare expenses.

Well, wish me luck...I would love to have a reliable income in the very near future;>


Can I kill him? Pretty please? I'm sure the jury would understand...

IFKAMH is at it again. He has yet to sign the new settlement agreement...probably because I told him about the section that states child support will be taken directly from his paycheck. I didn't put it in, but I think my lawyer's paralegal did it after asking me if he had been paying anything and I responded that he had given me $175 a couple months ago but nothing else. (I have since gotten another $200 money order and the insurance card, but still not quite what he's supposed to be paying...$864 a month). So, I explained that he has not shown that he is going to pay like he's supposed to and that I wasn't going to have that section removed from the agreement because I need to be able to depend on that money every month to take care of our children since I've got over $1300 a month to pay for daycare (and after actually calculating, it's actually over $1400). He was not happy but still said he would sign the paperwork. That was about a week ago.

My grandmother hired movers to pack and move my stuff out of the FL house and store it here in VA until I have my own place. This happened Saturday...as of Saturday night, there was nothing but unwanted items and items to repair the house left. Sunday afternoon, IFKAMH calls. He asks where everything in the house is. I told him it was moved out. He got a bit upset that his stuff was gone. I responded with some hostility of my own since he hadn't told me he was going to be going to get his stuff. I asked why he would think he could just go and get anything out of the house when he didn't even have a key. He thought that the electricity would be on and that he'd be able to go in through the garage. To which I respond: don't you think I might have disabled the garage door opener before I left in July so that you wouldn't be able to just come in and take stuff and leave me without anything?!? He asks if he's going to have to come to VA to get his stuff. I said since he moved out without taking anything and has been back to the house since then and still didn't take anything, the stuff is mine, and if he wants anything, then he will have to come to VA and go through me.

I left a message yesterday and today asking if the papers had been signed and reminding him to do it soon if he hasn't done it.

He should probably be more careful about how he treats me and may want to go ahead and get those papers back to me...otherwise, I will resort to threats. I know where he is and where his vehicle is and where he works, so I can very easily let his finance company know how they can repossess his truck. I'd rather not cause him to lose his truck because I don't want it to interfere with his being able to work, but I'm getting desparate.

I still can't believe he has the nerve to act like I owe him something after everything he's done...and not done.

Monday, November 07, 2005

The latest Yahoo possibilities...

While Mr. Sexy still has my interest, he's gonna have to figure out how to spare some time away from the new job to spend with me if he wants to keep it. So, in the meantime, I've started a few new conversations...must keep my options open;>

So, here they are (in no particular order):

24 year-old Navy boy, seems like a fun guy to hang out with that hates smoking as much as I do and is 6'2", 210 lbs...if that doesn't make me feel tiny, I don't know what will;>
34 year-old Caribbean traveler, shares several of my interests and is a perfect fit for my criteria and isn't a military man...quite the shocker around here;>
39 year-old ex-Marine, swears he's not the typical ex-Marine and seems to have a lot of good qualities other than that;>
31 year-old kayaker, another Navy guy, seems to have a good sense of humor and enjoys some fun activities that I'd like to try;>

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Can ketchup sustain?

What is it about ketchup that children love so much? My boys will eat ketchup by itself before thinking about dipping their fishsticks or chicken nuggets or whatever in it like they're supposed to. They get so excited to see ketchup on their plates and just dig in...it's quite funny to watch as they shove spoonfuls of red goo in their mouths. So, they are getting infant/toddler vitamins now because I doubt ketchup has sufficient nutritional value to sustain them;>

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Changes again...

I quit the telemarketing job. The base pay is just not enough for me to take the risk. I can't live on the base pay, so I'd have to be selling a significant amount of ads every week just to make ends meet, and I'm not comfortable with that. I can't stand the thought of sitting there on the phone and knowing in my mind that I need to make that sale to pay my mortgage this month or daycare next week or buy dinner that night...that's not how I picture myself living. So, I'm back on the job prowl.

I found an ad in the paper looking for assemblers with no experience necessary, making a guaranteed $1380/week...that couldn't possibly be a scam, now, could it?!?

The sugar high is wearing off...

We've been recovering from Halloween night for the past couple nights, but it seems as though things may be better now.

The boys dressed as frogs. I just threw on an orange t-shirt under a black sheer top and some jeans with a furry leopard print hat.

M looking adorable...as if he ever doesn't
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J really wanting to eat dinner...not at all concerned about trick or treating
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The costumes were from Old Navy...my absolute favorite casual clothes store and the place I must go when looking for a great-fitting pair of pants;> Since the boys can't even say "trick or treat", we figured it would be best to go to the mall so they could look cute and collect candy for us to eat.

It was off to a slow start...they weren't really sure what was going on. Of course, they catch on pretty quick and soon enough were getting into the swing of things...reaching for candy instead of just waiting for it to be put in their baskets.

J even forgot about dinner (or perhaps began to think this was dinner) and started taking candy from M's basket. M eventually realized what was happening and decided he'd better perform periodic basket checks to ensure he still had some candy;>

M had a preference for lollipops, while J was really excited about some generic pink candy thing and a gummy eyeball.

All in all, the night went well and the boys were happy...although they were probably happiest when they finally got to eat their Chick-Fil-A dinner;>

Happy Halloween, J
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Happy Halloween, M
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Friday, October 28, 2005

The men update...

So, Danielle was wondering about the men update, which was lacking in my last post...

Navy guy is out of the picture. He seemed kind of boring in our email exchanges and then freaked me out by suggesting that I meet him for the first time and bring my boys since I didn't have a sitter. He obviously doesn't understand the concept of not introducing every guy I meet or date to my children...that would so confuse them since their daddy disappeared into thin air. For now, my rule is six months before any guy gets to meet my children...and that may change if I don't think the relationship is going to last much longer than that. So, I never responded to his invitation and haven't heard from him since.

Airforce drummer has been missing from the past several posts...with good reason. The last time we went out, I found out he had been less than truthful about something that is very important to me. He apparently likes to smoke (cigarettes and cigars) occasionally, which was not quite what was on his Yahoo profile since that said he doesn't smoke. Here's how it happened...

I was standing at the bar, he and his friend were behind me talking. He leans to my ear and asks if this will bother me...he is holding a cigarette in his hand. I didn't say a word, but I'm guessing my eyes said that it would bother me very much and how dare he ask such an asinine question since he promptly said that he was wrong to ask and handed the cigarette back to his friend. Later on that night, his friend, now even more drunk, tries to offer him his cigarette. Airforce drummer turns him down and then says to me, "Aren't you proud of me? You know I wanted to."

No, I wasn't proud of him. The bottom line is that IFKAMH did the same thing. Our first fight was over him smoking when he told me he wouldn't. I was not a good enough reason for him not to smoke as it turned out because he continued to do it behind my back and lie to me about it for years. I emailed Airforce drummer and explained that smoking is a non-negotiable issue for me and that I couldn't be the reason someone didn't do something they wanted to do...again. He responded that he understood and that it's only something he does when he goes out to bars, which is rare (funny that is where we were two out of three dates). And that was it...no more Airforce drummer.

Now, Mr. Sexy and I are trying to coordinate schedules to meet up again. He called yesterday morning to let me know that he may have to work this weekend because it is the weekend before Halloween and there are a lot of events that the paper he is working for may need him to be there for but that he would try to come down sometime during the week if that was the case...because he would love to see me soon.

Not much excitement, but that is the latest...other than I have 60+ messages in my Yahoo Personals mailbox that I've got to get through;>

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I may be cut out for this afterall...

Well, I sold two ads Monday and one yesterday (all the most expensive one we offer)...of course, I didn't sell any today since I could have actually gotten a few dollars in cash for it;> But, since my three ads sold this week total over $1500, I get a free 25-30 lb turkey right before Thanksgiving! I don't even think my mom and her husband are hosting Thanksgiving. I think one of his sisters is...hopefully, she'll appreciate my contribution (or maybe we'll save the turkey for another time).

Even better news, step-dad changed his mind about my moving out. He apologized and got all teary-eyed Monday night after dinner...saying that he's just sweatin' the small stuff too much and will try to do better because he doesn't think it's wise for me to throw money away renting if I don't really have to.

And best news of all...my lawyer's assistant finally started answering her calls again and working on my divorce again. When I talked to her yesterday, she had lost IFKAMH's financial worksheet. It was like pulling teeth to get him to fill it out in the first place, so the fact that she lost this document out of everything really concerned me...but as of today, she has FOUND IT!!!! So, the divorce is back on track and all papers should be able to be signed by the end of the week and into the courts next week...woo-hoo!!

See, I only took 3 days to post again instead of five;>

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Sorry, y'all...

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted...it's taking a little more adjustment than I thought to get used to working full-time again.

The job's going alright. I haven't sold any ads...yet;> I have a few callbacks to make tomorrow, so let's cross our fingers that someone will take the bait.

I am seriously pissed at my attorney's paralegal. Because IFKAMH makes more money than what I originally thought, he has to sign a new agreement with a higher child support amount. This new agreement was supposed to have been done on Monday, and Tuesday by noon, and Wednesday, and Thursday...you get the picture. I still haven't seen it, and it still has yet to be signed. Everything better be done tomorrow morning, or I will be raising hell as much as I can because the longer she drags her feet, the longer I have to wait to sell my FL house.

I just found out tonight that my mom's husband is getting tired of having me and the boys living in his house, so I may be apartment hunting soon, which sucks because I will probably have to sign at least a 7 month lease, which means that's more time I have to wait to own something here. Needless to say, she is supremely mad, but she is still job hunting herself and needs him financially. I could sense that he was not really happy about us being here still because he has been more moody lately and more knitpicky about little anal-rententive stuff...some stuff that wasn't even true, like that I don't ever wash dishes when I generally wash dishes at least once a day if my boys or I have eaten at the house (the only time I don't clean up dishes after their meals is after dinner because my mom has told me repeatedly not to since I have to get the boys ready for bed). So, while I'm excited about being able to have a place of my own, I wish I knew for certain that I could wait until my house was sold or that I could at least wait until after my training period with the new job is over because the training pay sucks!

Mr. Sexy and I talked again Thursday morning...if I thought my commute in FL was bad at an hour and 10-15 minutes, he's got it worse. His trip in the morning is about the same, but his trip home takes anywhere from an hour and half to two hours, but he said he doesn't mind it right now because he's really excited about the job...and he does sound pretty enthused about it. I still say they had better be paying him a nice base salary for that kind of driving;> So, it looks as though we are looking at weekends only as far as availability goes for us to see each other.

That's the latest...I'll try not to make it too long between posts again;>

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

How sweet...

And this would be why I am fairly secure (not completely, but I'm trying not to let another man's mistakes ruin the possibility that this one is a truly good guy) in trusting my initial instincts about Mr. Sexy...

I get a call at about 8 am this morning. He was telling me how he had a long day yesterday and didn't get a chance to get online to check email (I know the part about not checking email to be true) and that he figured he really needed to give me a call to let me know he was thinking about me. He even told me to have a good day.

How can such a sexy man be so cute at the same time? ;>

Monday, October 17, 2005

New job...

I started training today for a new job. The benefits are awesome, but I'm not sure yet if the pay is going to be good enough on a consistent basis to make it work for me. It is a telemarketing job...selling ads to businesses. Since my lovely anonymous commenters seem to think I'm a great saleswoman...maybe it'll work just as well on the phone as it does online and in person;> That's the update for now.

Sunday, October 16, 2005


Mr. Sexy and I made plans to go to Busch Gardens last night for Howl-O-Scream. We agreed just to call each other when we got there and then meet to go inside the park. Well, about four cars in front of me left to go through the gate to park, and I see a woman handing yellow pieces of paper to people and pointing past the gate...I'm thinking, "Great! They're going to do free parking since it's after 6pm."

Yeah...I was WRONG. She was handing the papers to people because the parking lots were full and everyone was being asked to turn around until people left. Guess it's just a good thing that neither one of us had made it in yet...a very good thing;>

So, we needed a plan B. We decide to grab some dinner since I was starving. We drove together and ate at a little pizza place. He drank sweet tea, which is apparently a dangerous thing for him...gives him a ton of energy to burn (as you will be able to tell later). He is a remarkable combination of cute boy and sexy man. He laughs at the silliest things (which I have been known to do as well) and then turns around and tells me how he had nearly given up hope of someone like me existing...someone cute, sweet, and well-mannered with a wild, adventurous streak.

After dinner, we decide to try to find a park or something to walk around. I start driving to where I could have sworn there was a place to get out and walk along the river, but one of the roads was closed, and I think that was probably where I was trying to get to. As I'm driving aimlessly, he decides to test my concentration skills;> I passed with flying colors...no accident, no leaving the road (or even my lane), obeyed all traffic signs, and used my turn signals every time.

I get really, really, really tired of driving, so we pull into a parking lot that seemed dimly lit and pretty empty and was a good distance from any main roads. My oh-so-severe penetration withdrawl has finally been relieved;>

I seem to have found Superman. The first session was rather lengthy, but mighty enjoyable...I was relieved six times to his one. Then, there was another session...and another...and another...all within minutes of the last and bringing another dose of relief from my horrid withdrawl. Apparently sweet tea and me are a terrific combination for him...four times in a row is not something too many men can claim as an accomplishment;>

His purpose of the evening was to spoil me, which he absolutely did...and I'm so glad I didn't try to wait it out another date or longer.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

So willing to give as easily as he receives...

Mr. Sexy has yet to disappoint me...and actually impresses me instead.

The picture exchanges via email have continued during our time apart. He had a number of requests for me, so I made one of my own, which he readily gave to me. Since then, I have made one other specific request, which he had to me within an hour, and another request for something creative in return...boy, did he come through;> I think his eagerness to give as much as he receives is why I have felt so unusually comfortable sharing pics with him that I would never have thought to take, let alone show anyone. Unfortunately, it hasn't stopped the doubt that pops in my head every so often as to why he is like this...guess that isn't going to go away anytime soon, though, based on my numerous disappointing experiences with men being selfish pricks;>

So happy to not be someone that is easily offended...

I was surprised and rather pleased to see positive anonymous comments on some of the more heatedly debated posts on here recently.

After the two negative anonymous comments, I was given the suggestion to remove the anonymous ability for a little while...I decided against this since things like that don't really bother me (I just couldn't understand the reason for those comments...and, quite honestly, still don't). Since I saw the recent anonymous comments, I feel very happy not to be easily offended because I would have missed out on those comments otherwise;>

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Such negativity for online dating;>

It seems to me that there is a very negative opinion about online dating. In case anyone wasn't quite aware of this: People lie just as easily in person as they do online...please read some old posts of my blog to get a clear understanding of how someone you've know for years can just lie through his teeth to tell you what you want to hear.

So, whether the information I have about these guys is true or not, I have a lot more of it from finding them online than I would from finding them somewhere else...like at a bar, club, grocery store, church, or wherever.

Just because I meet someone in person versus online doesn't mean he isn't going to lie to me about his relationship status or what he does for a living or whether or not he has children and what his interests are and what he's looking for in a woman, etc. As far as I'm concerned, the information I have on these guys by finding them online puts me at least 2-3 dates ahead of meeting someone in person and then trying to get to know these things about him.

I guess I just don't really understand the stigma of online dating. There are people there just looking for sex (even some that are married) and there are those that want the complete opposite and are looking for a partner in life. I feel I'm somewhere in between the two right now. I know people that have married people they met online through dating services, and I know others that have gotten some really great sex stories to tell from the same thing. I don't really see how this is different from any other dating situation.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

See...I am a quick learner

Not only did I not leave my comfort zone with Mr. Sexy, I went out with Airforce drummer on Friday night and didn't give him anything more than a kiss.

I am quite surprised that there were such judgemental comments on my too nice post. I thought the post was pretty clear that I didn't like what happened that night and was sorting through my feelings and trying to figure out how to prevent this from happening again. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who hasn't had my same experiences cannot know why I make the decisions I do nor begin to understand the thought process that I go through concerning sex...and therefore should save judgemental comments for their own benefit because they will not benefit me. I know there are people in this world that have no problem saying no; I am not one of those people, and that has a great deal to do with how I was introduced to sexual behavior.

I will not dare to provide the details because I just don't feel I need to, but let me just warn anyone else that wants to judge my sex life. I was educated on certain sexual behaviors by my mom's second husband...a man that adopted me as his daughter. He is the man that was present the most in my life and is who I consider to be my dad. This began when I was 7 and ended when they split up...probably over a year later. While the things that happened to me pale in comparison to things that others have gone through, it doesn't mean I wasn't affected. It taught me that I was viewed as an object to be used for fulfillment of sexual desires. This was the wrong lesson to learn at the age of 7...when I didn't even have a full understanding of what sex was.

So, those events are very likely the reason I became promiscuous as a teenager and never bothered to resist my sexual desire. If the opportunity was there and I felt the attraction, I acted on it. The one time I felt I didn't want to and bothered to tell the guy as much, it didn't do a damn bit of good. This seemed to have planted some weird idea in my head that I only had two choices: say "no" and be forced to do it anyhow or go along with it and just feel like I had been coerced.

Perhaps those of you that were ready to judge me because I gave a guy a blow job that I didn't want to give will think about your first sexual experiences and when they happened and whether or not anyone ever ignored your objections to sex. I'd be willing to bet that they were very different from mine.

Sometimes things have to go opposite to the way we want for us to learn how to react in the way we want. I am starting to prove to myself that I can successfully set some boundaries...even with the same guy that I was so "easy" with last time. It is all a learning process, and I am a quick learner;>

And for anyone that truly believes that a guy won't want to keep you around for more than just sex if you have sex too soon, please remember this:
When I asked IFKAMH why he continued seeing me and wanted to have a relationship with me if he didn't believe he was "in love" with me, his simple response was "sex". I had this man flying from Florida to Virginia at least once a month for probably five months, leave his family and friends in southwest FL to move to central FL to be near me, marry me after over two years of being together, and stay married for close to five years before he decided this wasn't what he wanted...all because I had sex with him on our first date;>

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Yeah, I still want him

The meeting with Mr. Sexy on Thursday went very well. I almost thought it wasn't going to happen, though.

He had emailed me that morning to let me know he would call between 11am and noon when he was heading in my direction. 12:30pm came, and I still hadn't heard a word from him, so I sent a text to his phone..."running late?" I decided to leave the house since I'm all dressed and ready to go somewhere and go to the mall to walk around. While I'm there, I give GA Girl a call...I needed to tell someone how thoroughly confused by this I was. Why would someone so eager to meet me as of that morning be delaying our meeting or blowing me off? While I was talking with her, though, he called.

He has been in a three-week interview process with a company that he really wants to work with because the job is one that he won't find again anytime soon. The meeting with these people took longer than he thought, which was the reason he was running late and didn't call. We agreed to meet at a Mexican restaurant for lunch since neither of us had eaten.

We arrived within seconds of each other (he was there first...fast driver;>). He is just as cute and sexy in person as his pictures are...and he said he thought the same about me (well, actually he said I was better in person). We had a great lunch...he speaks Spanish, which he used to order our food and speak with the staff. The conversation was great, and I just can't help but feel he is not at all like IFKAMH or the Airforce guy...not selfish. I just hope that feeling isn't wrong.

So, we decide to drive out to a local beach. It could only have been more perfect if there weren't gnats gnawing at us and if there hadn't been this guy hoping to get a peep show (although we only figured out that was what he was doing when we left). The area we went to was basically empty...not so far away from other people that they couldn't have heard me scream for help, but far enough that we felt alone. The waves were crashing on the rocks, which was such a relaxing and romantic sound. He was a gentleman and didn't try to coerce me into anything more than what I was comfortable doing. I did have to move his hand a couple times in other directions, but he didn't try to force the issue or try to pursue it again and didn't say anything at all about it (things I would have expected to hear: "come on", "why not?", "you know you want to", etc). I did get to experience a couple of things he wrote about, so I can only imagine how well he must be able to do the rest of it. We had such a nice time together that we completely underestimated how long we had been enjoying each other. What we thought had been 30, maybe 45 minutes was really like an hour and a half;>

Overall, we clicked just as well in person as we had in writing, and some really good news...he's 30, not 25 (big sigh of relief on my part). And best of all, even though he would have liked more physical contact with me (still the unselfish kind...his pleasing me instead of the other way around), I managed to hold my ground, and he still went home with a grin from ear to ear. I learn quickly;>

And on a side note...I have come to the conclusion that I appear to be Spanish, at least partially. When I lived in FL, where the Hispanic population is prominent and growing, I often encountered people who could speak English but thought I would understand the Spanish for some reason. One of the first questions asked by both Airforce drummer and Mr. Sexy upon meeting me in person was if I had any Spanish heritage. I will take this as a great compliment since I think Spanish women tend to be beautiful...remember #1 on my list of lady-loves?

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Alright...you sort of talked me into it;>

I will show you the drummer's ass, but only his. I didn't ask for his pic, and he seems to be damn proud of the thing (as well as his partial erection, I guess), so he probably won't mind sharing. Sorry, but no Mr. Sexy;>

It's going to be an interesting day...

So, I got the @ss pic of Airforce drummer...I suppose as his way to entice me. And now, I have one of Mr. Sexy;>

At least he waited until I asked...trust me, it was a more than fair request.

He's got to be kidding...

I received the below email from Airforce drummer this morning (and yes, I had a voicemail that he left about 45 minutes ago)...

{Woo Woo}, I left a voice mail...are you mad at me? I didn't hear from you
: / definitely want to see you soon...what are you doing Thur night?
working at the OClub tonight...please give me a call; xxx-xxxx

hope you have a great day!! : )

Does he seriously think I believe this crap? I responded that I'm not mad (and I'm not, I think it is a blessing he shows his true colors so early on;>)...just thought he was supposed to call me...and that I'm having dinner with my mom and the boys tomorrow night. He replies back that it stinks we were waiting for each other to call and wants me to call in case my plans for tomorrow change. This time a pic is included...of his naked backside with some erection visible...he has got to be kidding himself to think that I find this the least bit appealing. I just had to laugh when I saw the pic.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

How much should we censor...or should we?

I have been thinking about this quite a bit lately...wondering how I want to handle things with my boys as they get older. And this post on jomama's blog made me decide to blog about it.

How much information should be kept from children? Isn't it better for them to have the information and process it and discuss it and realize that life isn't perfect than to feel misunderstood and alone? Why are books banned from school libraries? Who the hell cares what they're reading? If they find something that interests them...doesn't it only serve to help them use their imaginations to fill in the pictures and really see what their minds are capable of and maybe even help them find a possible outlet to use for expression?

I struggle with this when it comes to movies and t.v., too. Wouldn't it be better if I don't try so hard to limit what they see (which never seems to work) but rather approach it with the attitude that I will explain anything they don't understand or what isn't acceptable behavior? I see an ad nearly everyday about using the v-chip or parental controls for blocking certain channels or program ratings from viewing without a passcode, and all I can think is how that is such a lousy way to parent.

Whew...what a relief

I've never in my life been happy to have my period...until now. So, I can rest assured that Mr. Sexy won't be able to get very far with me on Thursday;> This and not shaving are my sure-fire ways to prevent a guy from touching me no matter how sexy or charming he is. Yippee!!

Now I just hope we have as much chemistry in person as we do online.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Now, on to more appealing prospects...

Mr. Sexy and I will not have to wait 'til this weekend after all. I found out that my mom and her husband will be out of town this weekend visiting his daughter at college, so that really put a damper on our meeting plans. When I told him that I was no longer available this weekend, I asked if he would be available during the week and said if not, then we would have to push it back another week.

So, last night we agreed to meet on Thursday...during the day. We may be doing some sort of beach meeting, either the one close to me or the one that's more fun.

Now, I've done a decent job of playing a little hard-to-get with him online...but I wonder how I'll hold up in person under pressure. I'm hoping that the daytime setting will help deter me in some way. Just in case it doesn't, y'all need to help me come up with some kind of chant to repeat in my head to prevent myself from jumping on this guy before I know more about him...because I have this idea in my head that his eagerness to do whatever I want, whenever I want (he will adjust his schedule to me kind of stuff) is coming from his belief that he's got a sure thing, not that he is genuinely eager to get to know me better as a person, and I really need for that not to be true because that (my mostly sub-conscious belief that sex is all I have to offer in order to attract men) is pretty much the root of a lot of my "issues". Since he was voted the one with the "least creepy vibe" of the three I posted pics for, I'm going to hold onto hope that he's really a nice guy that just acts cocky online;>

Strike Three...he's OUT

As if Friday's ending wasn't bad enough.

Background on this part: Airforce drummer had originally wanted to make plans for us to go to his friend's surprise birthday party on Saturday. This event was mentioned on Thursday as our possible "get together" for the weekend. Friday he was wondering about what I was doing that night, which since I didn't have plans, we went out...and the prior scene was what transpired. Nothing was mentioned again about Saturday's birthday party invite...

He calls me and leaves a message Saturday morning saying that he hoped I had fun the night before and that I got home safely (which was another thing that bothered me...why didn't he ask that I call him to make sure I got home safely from his house?). I returned the call and left him a message saying that I did have fun (and I did, until the end) and that I got home around 1:30am.

He calls me on Sunday morning...another message (because he only has my cell number which doesn't get much reception in the house) saying that he would like to get together again soon. I return the call later in the afternoon, around 3pm. He answers and tells me about the previous day and how he was busy helping set up for the surprise party and how the guy had a great time and he got home early, around 10 pm, because he was still tired from our excitement on Friday. He mentions getting together later after he gets home from the beach since he'd like to see me again before he has to go back to work for the week (I'm sure he would;>). I said that sounded fine. He agreed to call me when he got home...probably a couple of hours.


So, unless he was in some sort of horrible accident on the way home or died there on the beach...this bachelor is out of the game.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Maybe it's genetic...

Most of y'all that have been readin' this for a while know that I LOVE shoes. Well, I'm starting to think it may be genetic. My little man, J, seems to be more and more interested in shoes all the time...unfortunately, the shoes he has access to are mine;> When I was picking out an outfit to wear on Wednesday to meet Airforce drummer, he was positively determined to get his feet in my heels and be able to stand up (which he managed to do with my assistance). A toddler in heels is kind of a scary thought for more than one reason; let's pray that it doesn't continue. His latest adventure was walking around in my slippers yesterday, even though they were on the wrong feet. Guess I'll see if this interest in shoes because as significant as mine as he gets older. Then, I'll be able to determine if I have created a monster;>

Friday, September 30, 2005

I am just way too nice...

Airforce drummer and I (along with two of his married couple friends, so very unlikely he isn't single) went out tonight...well, I guess now it's technically last night, but I just got home half an hour ago. I have learned that he is either not very perceptive or just downright selfish (maybe both). While I did not let his stick inside my shed, he did get a blow job.

I say that he is either not perceptive or selfish because I was trying to give signals that I wasn't interested in that much contact tonight: I refused to take off the shirt I was wearing over my tank top, I said it probably wasn't a good idea for me to kiss his "weak spot" (middle of his chest) since I needed to leave soon, and I avoided touching him anywhere below the belt...until he put my hand there. So, it starts with a hand and ends with a mouth.

I realize that, one, I am too nice...I don't feel right getting a guy all worked up and leaving him to take care of it himself (probably not normal, I know), and two, I have some kind of fear of just saying no to guys. I think that comes from the one time I bothered to say no to sex with a perfect stranger and got ignored. So, on one hand I am not a bitch, and I feel like I would be one to get him excited to the point of erection (whether purposefully or not) and just tell him I won't do anything about it...I know I would be pissed if a guy did that to me, and on the other hand, I feel like I must deserve more respect than this. I keep wondering if he expected that to happen all along or thought I had given off some other signal that said that is what I wanted to do. I can't say I've never been accused of flirting or giving off some sex vibes without realizing it...but am I doomed to premature intimacy with every man I go out with until I learn how to say no? It sort of seems like it.

So, this guy may be good for a night out or some tension relief when needed (due to his seemingly selfish nature, I think he's going to have to relinquinsh some control for me to truly enjoy that act, but he's definitely got certain great physical characteristics for me to work with;>), but I'm thinking that he's definitely not a keeper...too bad, because he's one of those "good on paper" guys for me. I really wasn't even very turned on, and I'm not sure if it was because he seemed to be ignoring my signals above or something else...maybe Sexy Eyes' descriptive email has spoiled me;> He took the time to create such a vivid scene for me that was all about me...the only place my hands touched him in those two pages was his head (the one on top of his neck, for you dirty-minded people out there). That is sexy, and that is what I need right now; I've been taken advantage of by a selfish prick already, I don't need that again...I need a guy that thinks about what turns me on and tries to do it. At least it's a good sign that I realize that much;>

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Per request...

I will NOT share the entire email, partially because it is way too long, but more so because it's mine and I'm keepin' it to myself;>

But, I will give you an excerpt (setting: I'm in the shower, and he is peeking in at the back of the curtain)...

I see you.... my eyes fixated on your beauty....the look of you there, nude, wet, my heart increases its beat... I unconsciously lick my lips and bite my lower lip.... your beautiful and sexy.... here is the woman, that has captivated my attention, and to now, be able to see you....in all your sexyness...sends a rush of desire through my body. You then turn quickly, as if somewhat startled... I see surprise, then I on your face...You see my blue eyes as they pierce into your depths... I don't say a word...nor do you.... as I move forward to catch you as you fall into my arms as if waiting for me to hold you. I wrap my arms around you, as you lay your face to the side against my chest....and I feel a sigh of relief....as if me holding you was theraputic. Then.... our minds begin to join together...as we are faced with the reality of the situation...and off the stresses of the day.... And now... here you are, in my arms.... skin to skin... the feeling of your body against mine is like a drug..... you feel so good... my arms wrap around you a little further..a little tighter...pressing your breasts against my chest....feeling your thighs against mine... your hair just below my face.... As our excitement almost immediatly builds.... we both pull our faces back to look at each other for a moment...then we both meet each other with a kiss that holds complete passion and pleasure in one..... Your lips are so soft..so sweet....our mouths fits so perfectly together as our tongues meet.... MMmmm... the taste of your lips and tongue is invigorating. I reach one hand behind your head, under your hair, and hold you with my other hand wrapped around your back....keepin you close to me with every taste of your lips. Hearing... your soft subtle moans as we kiss....raises my intensity... and makes me want you even more.

Now you have an idea of what I'm dealing with here...this was about the middle of the first page...there was more than a page after this! I can't help but say it again...I want him;>